9month old vegan baby-Family Misunderstands.

[VeganMumma]

9month old vegan baby, partners family do not understand!

I have been vegetarian my whole life, turned vegan in January this year and am raising my baby vegan. My partners family are all meat eaters, but all seemed pretty accepting of the fact that I was vegetarian when we first got together and always went to the effort of catering for me. Since turning vegan and also mutually deciding with my partner to bringing up our little boy vegan, I feel like i'm constantly repeating myself as to what we do and do not eat, i find myself always bringing my own food to their house when we go for dinner (which i do not mind at all, but it's the still offering of garlic bread, containing milk/butter, puddings containing egg etc). I guess the biggest frustration for me though, is that they have the attitude that I am STOPPING my son from eating things that they eat, and comments like 'it will be interesting when he starts going to friends parties' 'sorry baby you aren't allowed this (a prawn cracker), maybe one day though' and jokey comments like 'he has all the treats when I look after him'.
I have laughed things off until now but it is really starting to concern/anger me. They have never actually showed any interest in what he does eat! I do not want it to get to a point where I suddenly explode and end up being rude so please any advice on how to deal with this situation calmly and effectively next time a comment is made will be appreciated or support from anyone that has gone through the same thing...

 

[amberfunk]

Be a mama bear and put your food down. Give them a list of what he does not eat. He's your child and you need to make it quite clear to them. Tell them that you do not appreciate the comments that it's rude and upsetting to you.

 

[Emma JC]

congrats on your decision to be veg and raise your child as such!

Is it possible that they are concerned about whether it is healthy for the baby and are just not verbalizing it? Maybe point them towards an amazing vegan family on YouTube that are raising their child vegan... one example is:

Sarah Lemkus http://www.sarahlemkus.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/sarahlemkus

Sarah, and her husband, have a toddler and are currently pregnant and I admire their balance and joy in life.

Emma JC

 

[VeganMumma]

Be a mama bear and put your food down. Give them a list of what he does not eat. He's your child and you need to make it quite clear to them. Tell them that you do not appreciate the comments that it's rude and upsetting to you.

thank you! I feel like I should have done this a lot sooner eg when he started weaning. Over the next couple of weeks I think I will start packing his food in a cooler bag and stick on a list and explain this is what he can eat if he needs an extra snack/what to look out for on packaging if you're out and want to grab a treat etc. And as for the comments I will definitely say something next time as it's happened too many times to brush off.

 

[VeganMumma]

congrats on your decision to be veg and raise your child as such.....

I don't think that is the case, as they actually do comment on how healthy he is which is nice to hear, i think it's just an attitude of misunderstanding the reasoning behind why we are vegan and that it is a phase/he will choose to eat meat and dairy when he's older.
thank you for the links! Just briefly skimmed through a video, they will be a great reference for myself too !

 

[Mark Mywordz]

Try not to discuss diet as much as possible. Don't label food "vegan" or "non-vegan". It's just the food that you give your baby. It's a good idea to take food with you when you visit. Make your relatives a gorgeous vegan cake or dessert.
Definitely discuss the problem with the outlaws but do so in a way that asks for their help and is non-confrontational. Reassure them that you love them and appreciate their advice and only want to do the best for your baby.
You must remain positive, that is the most important thing.

 

[Plant Muncher]

Parents are going to do what parents are going to do. You can't change them and they can be the source of a lot of frustration when it comes to "their" grandchildren. My parents made mistakes and I made mistakes and my kids will make mistakes with regard to child rearing. Sometimes we make different mistakes but more often than you think, you make the same mistakes and clearly there is little tolerance for doing things differently.

 

[Rory17]

I have been vegetarian my whole life, turned vegan in January this year and am raising my baby vegan. My partners family are all meat eaters, but all seemed pretty accepting of the fact that I was vegetarian when we first got together and always went to the effort of catering for me. Since turning vegan and also mutually deciding with my partner to bringing up our little boy vegan, I feel like i'm constantly repeating myself as to what we do and do not eat, i find myself always bringing my own food to their house when we go for dinner (which i do not mind at all, but it's the still offering of garlic bread, containing milk/butter, puddings containing egg etc). I guess the biggest frustration for me though, is that they have the attitude that I am STOPPING my son from eating things that they eat, and comments like 'it will be interesting when he starts going to friends parties' 'sorry baby you aren't allowed this (a prawn cracker), maybe one day though' and jokey comments like 'he has all the treats when I look after him'.
I have laughed things off until now but it is really starting to concern/anger me. They have never actually showed any interest in what he does eat! I do not want it to get to a point where I suddenly explode and end up being rude so please any advice on how to deal with this situation calmly and effectively next time a comment is made will be appreciated or support from anyone that has gone through the same thing...

Hi.
In your situation, I would advise that you talk to them politely about this. Explain that vegan children are not necessarily missing out on nutrition, and they can still have some treats. Explain that you are vegan, and that it is your choice to raise him as a vegan. Many parents raise their kids with the values that they hold dear to them. You are doing that. Also, you could politely ask them to stop giving him non-vegan food. Say that it is offensive to you and that you are his parents, not them.
Why would you give your child meat when you're a vegan for ethical reasons? That would be like raising your child to be a Muslim when you're a Jew...
Best of luck.

 

[veganDreama]

Congratulations on going vegan and putting your baby on a vegan diet. I have a friend who has two small boys and is raising them vegan. They are healthy as I'm sure your child is.

You will have to explain to your family that how you raise your son is your own affair. Not theirs. And explain that a vegan diet has all the nutrition needed except B12 which can be obtained by supplements or fortified food.

 

[kelli]

They are rude and u must ignore their ignorance. u r a cool mom.

 

[Lou]

I am probably the least qualified person to comment on this. But here is my advice anyway.

Change the way their comments make you feel. Instead of becoming defensive or feeling threatened or frustrated, take each and every opportunity to inform and teach. Calmly, patiently, and while looking them in the eye. Always end with a question. and always listen carefully to their answer. It is not necessary to give a rebuttal.

You may want to prepare a little bit ahead of time.

Each time this happens you can give them a different lecture. One time concentrate on feelings like I don't know why you offer me garlic bread made with butter. Surely by now you know I'm vegan and that vegans don't eat dairy products. If I was kosher would you offer me bacon? If I was diabetic would you offer me candy? I see it as rude, non-accepting and maybe even passive aggressive. Certainly, you have heard of margarine. Why do you think you keep doing this?

You might also want to explain animal rights, health issues, compassion, and political and economic concerns when the opportunity comes up. One at a time. One possible outcome is that they change their behavior just to avoid your lectures. Of course, we hope that we can make change their behavior by appealing to their better nature.

When they bring up your son's diet, you might go with the values discussion. I'm going to bring up my son to value compassion. Children are naturally compassionate but most people find compassion to be something to be outgrown. That somehow it doesn't work in the real world. But I value compassion, and I choose to live my life according to my values. I intend to show my son the value of compassion and teach him how to live his life accordingly. What part of this don't you understand?

 

[Thundergleep]

I've always felt pressured to "let things slide" for the sake of my son having a inclusive childhood. And it's not that it's a failure of your kid eats a cupcake at a birthday party one day. But if people in your life are blatantly mocking you're decisions as a parent (whatever decisions they may be), they are clearly not respecting you as a mother and caretaker. It doesn't matter what they think, it's not their kid! I hate when family members think it's funny to undermine someone's parenting ability. It's just not how you should treat someone you love and respect.

I don't know that that's advice, but it's something to think about. I guess what I'm saying is when you do put your foot down remember it's not about your food choices, it's about them respecting you as the parent.