Advertisement

Assimilating with non-veggie family?

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Hedgewitch, May 18, 2018.

  1. Hedgewitch

    Hedgewitch Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Ratings:
    +6 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan Newbie
    Hi all. For a long time I've wanted to take the leap because of the animal cruelty issue. I felt bad having a meal and that's not right. I've taken the leap finally but my husband is getting "titchy" because I won't eat an average meal. Even shopping today brought tension. He cooks every second day, the other I eat alone so that's no problem. How have other members got on fitting in? I know people will say "if he loves you he'll accept you for the person you are" and that's true but I don't want to cause rifts. I wasn't vegan when he married me. I just want to live with my conscience AND not be a major pain in the rear end. Advice please? Thanks, Jules.
     
  2. Veganite
    Speechless

    Veganite Super Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2017
    Messages:
    1,209
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    Ratings:
    +619 / 1 / -2
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Welcome to the forum!

    I have one thing to say, "for better or for worse" and in this situation, I see it for the better. However, I understand what you're saying.

    Nothing is just that simple, is it? I'm not sure there is a simple answer to this dilemma. I definitely think communication is key to any healthy and successful relationship. I assume you have sat down and discussed how you feel about all this?

    Sometimes writing out a letter can be more helpful. In a written communication you can articulate exactly what you want to say, where 'face to face' it can sometimes be hard to articulate just what you're trying to say. I can't see this resolving itself without communication.

    I'm sure other members will ring in on this. Best of luck!


    *
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. Hedgewitch

    Hedgewitch Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Ratings:
    +6 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan Newbie
    Thanks Veganite. Yes. I've expressed my concerns on many occasions and he says "just do it" and then complains bitterly when I won't eat the meat on the plate. I've just bought a really good cookbook called Bosh and I'm hoping I can take over the cooking and find some happy medium food. I feel happier at meal times now. No guilt, no sadness so it has to be a plus.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Nekodaiden

    Nekodaiden Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Ratings:
    +203 / 0 / -5
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Your choice will cause rifts. I'm not married nor have a partner but it's a common theme I've read and I can say that just with friends I see on occasion it has caused some minor rifts. People have all kinds of reasons in their head for eating animal products and many of them are tied to what they think is necessary for basic upkeep of their health. As a vegan, you don't have to say a word, just your choice in and of itself will be a challenge to him.

    I notice you mentioned him cooking every second day. I suggest you make your own food instead of dictating to him what you can and can't eat. If he's getting "titchy" just shopping or on what you eat, he's likely to get even more annoyed at having to cater to you. Just take that annoyance away by preparing your own meals every day.

    Remember this is YOUR body, and YOUR choice. In order to keep it yours, stand your ground, and also, don't dictate to him. He's got to make his own choices.

    In the first month, life long habits of mind and body will be at work in you. Depending on how many/how often you indulged in eating animal products, you will be wrestling with habits of mind, but you will also be wrestling greedy flesh eating bacteria in your gut who aren't getting their fix. This isn't something made up, it's part of flesh eater's microbiome.

    That said, going half way isn't going to get rid of them and if you eat to please him and not do what's right for you, even on occasion, you will be perpetually in a transition phase, and you'll crave animal products. The only way to stop craving them completely is to stop eating them completely, and fill yourself up with lots of whole foods, starchy whole foods and lots of fiber as well as beans, nuts and seeds (soak them first overnight). This feeds the good bacteria and the flesh eaters will gradually die off/leave.

    Always eat enough, until you are satisfied. All the side dishes of potatoes/veggies etc will by necessity have to get bigger. Never let yourself go hungry.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. hopeful
    Creative

    hopeful Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2018
    Messages:
    399
    Ratings:
    +178 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    I would suggest potentially doing more of the cooking, making vegan meals that are so tempting that even your husband may want to try. I have recently started doing more of the cooking at home. It helps to not have to make separate meals! I would suggest trying some "naturally" vegan meals- things that wouldn't ordinarily have meat or dairy/eggs so that they don't seem conspicuously absent of meat to your husband. For example, pasta with a hearty tomato sauce could be good, some Asian noodle dishes, vegetable soups, etc. I don't know if that will work for you, but when I am cooking for non-vegans or non-vegetarians, I tend to make those sorts of things.

    I am sorry that even shopping is causing tension. That must be really hard. I hope he comes around soon!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Hedgewitch

    Hedgewitch Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Ratings:
    +6 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan Newbie
    Thanks Hopeful and Nekoaiden. Me...dictate to him....? Ha! Fat chance. But....I am trying hard to work in with him. We cooked a vegan meal together yesterday. He loved it. There's hope for us yet. :)
     
  7. hopeful
    Creative

    hopeful Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2018
    Messages:
    399
    Ratings:
    +178 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Good job! I'm glad you were able to cook a good vegan meal together! What did you make? Maybe you could branch off that?
     
  8. Hedgewitch

    Hedgewitch Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Ratings:
    +6 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan Newbie
    Hi Hopeful. We made a modified Chinese dish full of pak Choy etc. It turned out to be fun. I bought that plant based book called Bosh and can't wait to start trying some of those recipes. I know he'll never convert but he's giving me support now. God...he MUST love me LOL.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  9. hopeful
    Creative

    hopeful Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2018
    Messages:
    399
    Ratings:
    +178 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    YAY!!!! :)
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice