Advertisement

Cooking animal products for my non-vegan loved ones? an ethics issue.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Julie, Apr 3, 2018.

?

Is it unethical to cook a non-vean meal for a loved one?

  1. Yes, stick to your guns.

    76.9%
  2. No, you shouldn't force your lifestyle on others.

    23.1%
  3. Unsure...more information is needed.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Julie

    Julie New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2018
    Messages:
    3
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan Newbie
    Hello everyone!

    I'm a very recent vegan, and my reasons are mostly health/ environmental/ social issues. My significant other eats anything and prefers meat/ animals products. Since I am vegan because I want to enjoy a long life/ don't want to promote the exploitation and hunger of poor nations, is it unethical for me to cook my partner a non-vegan meal? I LOVE cooking and it's my way of showing people that I care; my fear is that I may ostracize those close to me by seemingly forcing my vegan lifestyle on them.

    I am new to the community, and so any advice is very much appreciated!
    Thank you!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Sax
    Daring

    Sax Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2018
    Messages:
    265
    Location:
    Jefferson City, MO
    Ratings:
    +163 / 1 / -1
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    If your partner was a cannibal, would it be ethical to cook them human flesh? I believe humans and animals are morally equivalent and that this is essentially the same scenario.

    I wouldn't be hard on yourself if you continue to cook meat for your partner as you transition. But as it becomes less of an "experiment" and more who you are I would transition away from this as well.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. gab
    Devilish

    gab Active Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    226
    Ratings:
    +75 / 0 / -2
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Hi Julie,

    I really get the need to do nice things for the loved ones, things that they enjoy.

    Just make tasty vegan foods and see where it leads you.

    You are a recent vegan, but after a few more months, you are naturally going to stop wanting to prepare meat, so best start getting your partner used with vegan meals and perhaps he can have takeaway food when fancying meat.

    It does not have to be an abrupt transition if you can still cook meat just reduce it every week.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. Deleted member 2819

    Deleted member 2819 Guest

    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    I would say absolutely unethical. Simply because you are doing the very thing you made the choice not to do. Only now you are doing it for someone else. Take it easy on yourself, though. Do what feels right, first. Do what others ask of you, second. Good luck!
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. Forest Nymph
    Wishful

    Forest Nymph Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2017
    Messages:
    751
    Location:
    Northern California
    Ratings:
    +401 / 1 / -11
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    You can still cook for your partner. But you don't cook meat anymore. You are under no obligation to do so. You can make your partner delicious vegan dinners and desserts, and still express your love that way.

    Someone who EXPECTS you to cook for them who isn't literally your child is the problem, not you. So if your partner wants to eat animal products he should learn to cook them himself. In separate pans. And do his own dishes. This is also starting to seem like a feminist issue, frankly.

    I know this is harder if you're already in an established relationship but your partner ultimately shouldn't stop you from growing as a person. I was in a relationship for six years with a man I was very much in love with, and we had similar interests (at the time) and so forth...but honestly the relationship was co-dependent, emotionally draining, and left very little energy for me to pursue other things (college, career, whatever) and I realized that I would never have the life I wanted with him, because he expected to be the center of my universe, my sole purpose of being was to be the female reflection of his masculine glory, and his admiration of me had a lot to do with the things we shared in common, what I could do for him, or traits I had he envied, but only wanted me to develop so long as they didn't interfere with our partnership coming first all the time.

    I'm not suggesting your partner is that overbearing or bad for you, but I'm using it as an extreme example of how we can't let our partners stop us from growing as individuals. You should be able to grow as a couple, but also be able to grow as individuals, so you stay interested in each other: studies have shown that when two people each have their own pursuits, it actually keeps the relationship healthier and more exciting.

    So yeah cook for your partner if it's your love language, but let it be a real love that stems from your veganism and your ethics.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  6. poivron

    poivron Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2017
    Messages:
    99
    Location:
    New Jersey, USA
    Ratings:
    +70 / 2 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    I don't think this is a matter of ethics; it's a matter of respect. It would be disrespectful for a non-vegan to expect a vegan to cook non-vegan food for them. The people you love should return that love by respecting your choice not to participate in animal suffering. I can't imagine that people who truly love a vegan would expect him or her to handle the flesh of animals, or other products of animal exploitation.

    I agree with gab. If you want to cook for your loved ones, make delicious vegan food for them. Don't feel that this is in any way forcing your decisions on others. If those around you want to eat animals, they can cook for themselves or go out to eat.

    Congratulations on choosing a kinder way to live, and good luck!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. veganDreama

    veganDreama Active Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2018
    Messages:
    289
    Location:
    Birmingham, England
    Ratings:
    +108 / 2 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Cook him vegan meals. Show him that vegan meals CAN taste nice.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. StrangeOtter
    No Mood

    StrangeOtter Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2018
    Messages:
    106
    Ratings:
    +38 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    In the case that he is willing to try the vegan dishes that you prepaire, it's settled. Or like some people, gradually move towards vegan meals, first less meat and subsitute the animal products with alternatives like beans, tofu or mock meats, then get rid of dairy and eggs. Or however is the best for him. Communication is important, he'll tell you what he wants if you ask. That's all the advises I can give.
    Here is some real life story:
    My boyfriend whom I have been with for over 6 years now will not want to eat vegan food. He is very picky eater, without exception eats the same foods, week after week. And that is not the end of the world or even our relationship. The meat, eggs and dairy disgust me. But when I prepaire him food I take this kinda mindset that it's similar to making food for a cat. You just do it for the one you hold dear.
    Secretly, inside my deepest mind I hope that he someday comes around. He is such a kind heart and I'm sure that had he the time and energy he would deffinitely understand that feasting on animal flesh is not the right way to go.

    He is willing to listen when I tell him about the horrors of animal agriculture and is always supportive.
    I show him that being vegan is delicious, easy, inexpensive and healthy. Once he tried some of my food and actually liked it.

    It creates internal confliction to cook non-vegan meals, which is why it's of utmost importance that he is 100% worth it. Sadly, you can't expect that the minute you go vegan, the whole world around you also does and you can't ignore all the meat eaters forever. You have to be strong for it can be depressing to wake up in this realization. I'm immensely grateful for this forum, books like Vegan Freak and vegan activists on YouTube, those I find empowering.
    No matter how small impact you have on those around you, atleast you stay vegan. That means less suffering for the animals. Sometimes you convert people vegan unintentionally, like I have. You don't have to be pushy with veganism if that's not you.
    I wouldn't cook non-vegan for those whom I don't care about but in this particular instance where it is my loved one and I can almost understand where he is coming from and why he won't change, I will.

    I know my opinions and actions are strange. Alot of this is influenced by Anthony de Mello Awareness -that book I have read so much the pages are worn and torn. I find that kind of mysticism more familiar than mainstream scheme of things.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
    • Like Like x 1
  9. AL2NY

    AL2NY New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2018
    Messages:
    4
    Location:
    upstate NY
    Ratings:
    +1 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan Newbie
    I am a new vegan, but right now I do still cook animal/animal products for my husband and teen. I can't and won't force my family to have only vegan prepared meals at dinner. That said, I quietly switch out some ingredients for those that are vegan. I also only buy 100% verified meat and eggs. Eating these things goes against my conscience, of course. I can live by the best example I can while respecting the wishes of my household family. In time, I think I will be able to confidently and successfully serve mostly vegan dinners.
     
  10. Jinendra Singh
    Balanced

    Jinendra Singh Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2018
    Messages:
    76
    Location:
    united Kingdom
    Ratings:
    +14 / 0 / -1
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan Newbie
    Hello, Julie;
    cooking nonvegan dishes for other is not unethical until unless they don't know about your vegan practice. And if you are very recent vegan then you surely know about nonvegan recipes. The thing is like that if you are offering a food you can cook vegan dish but if you want to cook the dish of their choice then you need to cook nonvegan dish. And it also depends on the person how much they know about your vegan practice as many people understand and values other choices
    .
     
  11. Jaydoesitgood

    Jaydoesitgood Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2018
    Messages:
    5
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    The thing is, if you keep cooking vegan meals, you are going to find something that your SO likes. There are so many dishes out there, with and without meat substitutes, that they are absolutely going to like at least one or two of them. The thing that makes most animal products taste good is seasoning, and seasonings are as a rule usually vegan.
    Its not forcing your lifestyle on them. Cooking for someone else, in my opinion, is a gift you are giving to someone else and yourself. You like cooking so you shouldnt have to shove something you dont want to do in there. If you have to break your own code of ethics to do that then its not fair to you. Its not as if you are making them eat what you cook, and you arent saying they HAVE to lead a vegan lifestyle, youre just cooking food that you want to cook. Let them eat whatever they want, but when You are the one cooking you call the shots.
    Im in a similar situation with my roomate, though its a little different because they're not my SO, but thats how we work. I cook dinner and thats the one vegan meal
    The other issue is, if you cook animal products eventually youre going to give in and eat some. Probably anyway.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Wendy Diaz
    Relaxed

    Wendy Diaz Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2018
    Messages:
    16
    Ratings:
    +17 / 0 / -0
    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Ever since I went vegan, I haven't and don't plan on cooking any animal products for anyone. This is my lifestyle if it's their duty as family/partner to understand that. My boyfriend is now vegan, but he wasn't vegan at first. And he still supported me 100%. I know that not everyone will be the same, but just stay strong and don't do anything that goes against you beliefs.
    GOOD LUCK!
     
    • Like Like x 1

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice