Developing a thick skin

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beancounter

beancounter

The Fire That Burns Within
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Just some thoughts for those who venture into this forum.

Developing a thick skin
"Here are a few tips to developing a thick skin:
Don't take things personally. Sometimes you may need to reframe a person's bad behavior by remembering that it's not about you.
Don't let others get to you. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others. Adopt strategies that regulate emotional arousal; otherwise negativity hijacks the thinkingbrain. Try simple deep breathing or declare time out."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200410/the-thick-skinned

http://www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?post=is_it_possible_to_grow_thicker_skin
http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/09/living/develop-thick-skin-rs
 
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now that is use of word shaming(which I was going to do too). :sheep:

I can be shamed for not knowing what word to use instead of saying 'use of word'........vocabulary?
 
I think the idea of developing a thick skin is nice in theory but not so easy in practice. In reality we all have scars and some of us are better at weathering social discourse than others.

For example last night I was listening to a radio show I like to listen to and at the end they started talking negatively about a certain type of person. The thing was that I am that type of person and I muted it and did something else for a while, and when I came back they were still talking about the type of person, so I turned it off.

I am mad at them now and will probably avoid their online postings for a few weeks, I dont hate them but I do feel I need a kind of break from them to sort of psychically "flush" my mind after what I listened to. I will probably listen to the radio show again but I cant yet.
 
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developing a thicker skin might just mean desensitising yourself from what people say, which isn't really good for an intelligent debate.
 
I think that denying your feelings in general is often not a good thing because it doesnt make issues go away.

At the same time though you cant expect not to have your feelings hurt every now and then. When I was listening to the radio show the thing that I realised is that the speakers had never had to deal with the issue they were discussing, so as a result it was easy for them to develop some ill-informed feelings about it.
 
mlp said:
OTOH, reacting purely out of emotional reflex is not good for an intelligent debate either. Intelligent debate requires thought.
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It does require much thought, but feelings and intuitive impulses can often alert you to things that are happening, and thought though good for analysis, doesnt really help in creating a complete picture.
 
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Freesia said:
I think that denying your feelings in general is often not a good thing because it doesnt make issues go away.

At the same time though you cant expect not to have your feelings hurt every now and then. When I was listening to the radio show the thing that I realised is that the speakers had never had to deal with the issue they were discussing, so as a result it was easy for them to develop some ill-informed feelings about it.
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if something like that angers me or upsets me, I often find it helps to look into the issue, the people involved. A bit of googling, and information and sometimes a bit of light is shed on things, and I am able to see things aren't as irritating as I thought they were. And like you did, getting a bit of insight into what is going on. Then I can hopefully forgive people for things they said, or at least understand a bit why they said them.....more information often helps, anyway.
 
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Freesia said:
It does require much thought, but feelings and intuitive impulses can often alert you to things that are happening, and thought though good for analysis, doesnt really help in creating a complete picture.
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I think one needs to have both emotional awareness and rational thought to get a complete picture.
 
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I want to make it clear that this isn't just personal advice that members can take or leave if it doesn't appeal to them, and it doesn't just apply to this section of the forum.

We have a problem with several people who either cannot or will not see a difference of opinion as just that - a difference of opinion. There are way too many unfounded, untrue, cruel, and hurtful accusations being made against people whose opinions go against the norm here. It has to stop.

So this isn't just advice. This is the requirement for participating in this community.

If you perceive an attack, report the post. Do not retaliate.

If reporting posts isn't your thing, ask the other poster for clarification before you assume they are launching an attack. A civil question will engender a civil answer. If it does not, report the post.

If confronting a perceived attack isn't your thing, and you won't report the perceived attack, ignore it.

Do not engage in passive aggression, and do not push at the boundaries we have set for what constitutes personal attacks, seeing how much insult you can indirectly fling at someone without actually breaking a rule. This is transparent, and you are not fooling anyone when you engage in it.

This is still a small new forum. Maybe we have been around for almost a year, but that doesn't mean much as far as forums go. We all need to think not just about our personal issues, but about how our public squabbles and rude behavior impact this forum. We are all here because someone is gracious enough to provide this space. Lets start remembering to show some gratitude for that. We don't all have to love one another, but we do have to be civil, if we can't manage to be kind.
 
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Pickle Juice said:
Do not engage in passive aggression, and do not push at the boundaries we have set for what constitutes personal attacks, seeing how much insult you can indirectly fling at someone without actually breaking a rule. This is transparent, and you are not fooling anyone when you engage in it.

This is still a small new forum. Maybe we have been around for almost a year, but that doesn't mean much as far as forums go. We all need to think not just about our personal issues, but about how our public squabbles and rude behavior impact this forum. We are all here because someone is gracious enough to provide this space. Lets start remembering to show some gratitude for that. We don't all have to love one another, but we do have to be civil, if we can't manage to be kind.
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:fp: It was only a few weeks ago that you were ranting about posts made on another forum and calling a member of this community "Wormtongue" but maybe you were trying to be civil and kind with that comment.
 
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