Help! My vegan/omnivore wedding problem

[Lucy]

Help!!! I'm trying to arrange my wedding with my omnivore fiancée, and non vegan family and friends.

The venue does not allow external caterers, but they are trying to accommodate my wishes as best as they can, (it was an alien concept to them)

my partner wants a BBQ, and whereas I know there's lots of delicious vegan things I could put on there, I think it would go against my principles to pay for what is really a glorification of many types of meat, on my big day. Im just not comfortable with a meat fest.

They have offered a two course meal with one mainstream and one vegan option per course, but at a whole £20 more than a BBQ per head, I'm really questioning if it's worth it, when I know most people would turn their nose up at the meat free option anyway, regardless of what it is. So maybe not the best way to encourage people to try vegan food.

I doubt I could have a buffet as I'm already having one in the evening, which isn't a problem, but space is limited for food stations too.

Any more suggestions??

 

[winter.frost]

The star of any wedding is, usually, the bride.

I would put my foot down and say I wanted a fully-vegan wedding. I think most people would understand 'it's the bride's day' at the very least. I cannot think of anything more horrifying than a BBQ, and I'm sure you are nervous about that too.

I'd go with a vegan BBQ. There are so many brilliant vegan burgers these days you can literally do an internet our YouTube search for 'vegan BBQ' and get lots of results. I think it's important to test-taste before hand, and explain to your partner that whilst you are open to your different diets for - potentially - the rest of your married life (who knows) you just want this one day to be vegan. You don't want to begin your married life with death.

So, I wouldn't offer any non-vegan options but I would go out of my way to tailor the vegan food for non-vegans. Sorry if my suggestion doesn't particularly help. I just think you should be able to have the wedding you want. The guests are there for you, not the other way around.

 

[gab]

Hi winter.frost,

I read a post (might have been on this forum, cannot recall) where most guests did not show up at the wedding when faced with the prospect of a vegan only menu. Probably most people imagine vegan equals a bowl of lettuce.

I think that I would serve vegan only food, but not call it that, basically 'trick' everyone into eating vegan for the day
Some might even transition having tried the vegan way.

There is really no easy compromise to be made for weddings.

The other topic about the bride being the star of the wedding - I thought that feminism is about equal rights and equal pay and all of that. You seem to present feminism as a celebration on how women are so much better and important than men. Am I understanding this right ?

Gab

 

[winter.frost]

If that's true (about lack of attendance due to veganism) I imagine that by including a sample menu with the invitation, detailing things like 'burgers' etc. then adding 'all this food is plant based' I cannot imagine the same coup. But I do have a hard time thinking that's true, that someone would literally decide not to attend a wedding based on their idea of what the food will be... but I'll do a search.

As for the bride being the 'star' and about 'feminism' (which extends far beyond sameness equality, it is also about equality in difference - for instance I am a housewife, in the main, and I don't consider myself 'regressive' for being so. Or take the Scandinavian approach, for the countries that consistently score best in the World Gender Gap report for offering both sameness and difference-based opportunities for women) I'm trying not to make any kind of ideological argument here. Since I'm not talking to the groom, I'm only talking to the bride (to Lucy!), I simply aim to empower her with her most likely tools. Irrespective of the kind of relationship you have I think lots of people would understand why a bride would want things a certain way, and since I do not have the presumption to ask 'what is the ideological balance in your relationship' (this is a vegan forum after all) I take the status quo. So, no, you are not understanding it right I think you are just projecting based on the fact that, in this example of a relationship, the woman is vegan and the man is not.

But I do think it is in poor taste to bring the remnants of a disagreement we have had on another thread to this woman's thread about her wedding, because that is how it reads. Not as my attempt to find the most likely common ground, but as an opportunity to have a go. And to @Lucy, our new first-time poster here, I am deeply sorry for that.

Here is a lovely vegan wedding I found on YouTube. It's not a fancy budget kind of wedding, skip forward to t=3m46s

 

[gab]

Hi winter.frost,

When you wrote "I would put my foot down and say I wanted a fully-vegan wedding", I did not think that was in the spirit of finding common ground as you are claiming. That is why I felt compelled to reply to your post.

What if that approach causes problems with the groom ? Would you still stand by your advice ?

Gab

P.S. I believe that the article at the following link is what I read in the past about the vegan wedding to which the guests did not want attend: http://www.mamamia.com.au/vegan-wedding/

 

[winter.frost]

OK Gab, let's get down to catachresis and logomachy?

I am sure our new visitor, the lovely @Lucy here, will be able to approach her soon-to-be husband in a manner that is unique and personal to their special bond. I am quite sure that with such a bond that they are to be wed that no well-meaning web post, limited by the very instance of coming from someone outside of their bond, would radically change that. I do believe that most people who come to the internet have their pinches of salt ready to hand because, as much as I would like to, I cannot provide a tailored response based on one post - I merely try to do what I can. Nor is it practicable to header my every post with petty disclaimers. What I was attempting to do was place myself in the position of many brides. Brides are not selfish, or closed to how others feel, but there is generally a lot of pressure not only to appear like the goddess descended on earth but to also ensure that every single guest has an unforgettable magical experience equal to your own. My intention, therefore, was to place the emphasis back on what Lucy here might find most meaningful to her. I really don't want this to become a trolling situation, where Lucy here is new.

Oh, Australia. After their 'Lamb Day' advertisements a few months ago, or whatever that national day is really called, I'm not in the least bit surprised (now that I know the country). More info. in one of those news round-ups I collated for the forum, I think.

 

[Emmamae]

Hi Lucy

I understand how you feel about the BBQ completely, I would feel the same. If it's just you, wouldn't they consider making you a vegan version of whatever everyone else is having. So if they had beef, pots, veg etc could you just have the veg and potatoes for example? And maybe fruit for dessert? It doesn't seem fair that it's your big day and you're not having the kind of food you want and deserve but if you think (probably correctly) that no-one else will want the vegan alternative, then it would be a lot of money to spend on that option. It's a tricky one, sorry I haven't got any better suggestions!!!