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Only a week in, partner fights me

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Rayne, May 4, 2018.

  1. Rayne

    Rayne Member

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    I just recently read up on the Whole Foods vegan diet and I fell in love with it. My boyfriend, is stubborn. I never asked him to begin this journey with me. I simply decline when he offers me “normal” food. But tonight we had a HUGE argument, after he told me I starve myself! (Who’s he kidding I eat loads now). He will go on about how it is all bs and “if the world goes to ****..” IDK he’s ridiculous. I tell him every time “listen, all I’m saying is there are huge health benefits” and he can’t even agree to that. Again he calls it bs. What do I do?? I don’t really understand because he is always very supportive in my choices.
    So tonight I sleep on the floor
     
  2. Veganite
    Meh

    Veganite Super Moderator Staff Member

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    Hello Rayne. Welcome to the forum!

    I would try educating him, if possible. Like maybe try getting him to sit with you and watch one of various vegan/WFPB documentaries. I thought Forks Over Knives was pretty convincing. Maybe the one with Samuel L. Jackson making a cameo (Eating You Alive) would appeal to his common sense.

    A passive approach might work better than my way or the highway approach. Try and show him why you wanted to go vegan. Try to show him the science is NOT bs. If he can watch these documentaries and still call it bs, then he's defending his taste buds, not the lifestyle.

    Best of luck!
     
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  3. Sax
    Daring

    Sax Active Member

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    Welcome Rayne :)

    That sucks he isn't being supportive. That's got to make transitioning harder.

    I say don't try to convince or educate him. That serves as a flash point for conflict...sounds like it already is, actually. You two don't need to be on the same page on this issue. One of the hardest parts of being vegan is disagreeing with those closest to you on such a fundamental topic, but it's something you'll have to learn to cope with.

    If he knows that you aren't expecting him to make this big change in behavior OR in thinking, and that you're okay with that, he will probably be able to accept it more easily.

    If he's still making an issue of it you should calmly assert that you don't need his permission or approval. The conversation begins and ends with the fact that it's your choice, and the only role he has to play in it is deciding whether or not to be the supportive partner you deserve.

    If over time he still isn't respecting your choice then perhaps it isn't about veganism. A partner who tries to undermine you when you attempt to make positive, healthy changes in your life is showing you a major red flag.

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2018
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  4. Rayne

    Rayne Member

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    Sax,

    Thank you for your suggestions, I think that that’s the way to go. The topic just came up again, but this time we didn’t argue. Probably only because I let him rant about why “it’s silly” “you can die at any moment, why care about eating healthy to live longer”. I just shook my head and agreed with him, I didn’t want to encourage fighting with me defending myself... To be honest he doesn’t even know the extent to why I made this diet choice, because he never lets me get far into it.

    Though I did ask him during this conversation, if he’s trying to make me not go through with it. To which he decided, No, luckily. So that’s a good step in the right direction!
     
  5. Rayne

    Rayne Member

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    Veganite,

    Thank you for your support! Unfortunately he doesn’t want to be educated. I asked him if he had read any material about veganism, to which he replied “No, I don’t want to.”
    So I think the passive route is the way to go. Maybe one day he will sit down and watch a documentary with me. Maybe respect why I made this choice.
     
  6. Sax
    Daring

    Sax Active Member

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    Just to clarify, I didn't mean to recommend that you be passive. You should expect and demand respect in any relationship.
     
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  7. Veganite
    Meh

    Veganite Super Moderator Staff Member

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    For me, when a partner is no longer willing to listen or make compromises, I would have to rethink why I am even with them. I'm not saying it's not okay to disagree, but with something like this, when the person taunts you with meats or gets angry because you live a certain way, You just might want to re-evaluate the love. Is that love?


    *
     
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  8. Deleted member 2819

    Deleted member 2819 Guest

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    So you are saying he does not care about his own well being or the well being of animals/nature? Or in other words, lacks respect?
    He feels threatened by you trying to change your well being for the better instead of supporting you and insults you for it?
    He does not want to be educated so he refuses self growth?
    What are his good qualities?
     
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  9. winston10

    winston10 Member

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    "the world could end tomorrow so why bother with a healthy diet today."
    "it's all ********."
    Wow.
    He sounds like an incredibly immature, disrespectful person. You have no duty to defend the diet you choose. It's your body and none of his business. This goes far deeper than the issue at hand and goes to the heart of the relationship itself and how he sees you, tbh.
     
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  10. kelli
    Inpain

    kelli Member

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    Sounds like u need to get a new b/f who is kind and open minded.
     
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  11. Lou
    Joyful

    Lou Active Member

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    When I read your story, I didn't know how to respond. then I read the forums members responses. They aren't mutually exclusive but they are that similar either. Except that they are all excellent. I don't think you can go wrong by taking any or all of their advice.

    That said, here is mine:
    When couples have a big fight, one of them leaves and stays with their parents or friends for a week. After a week see how you feel and how he feels. Worst case scenario, you already have one foot out the door.
     
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