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Partner is veggie but not on board with veganism

Discussion in 'Transitioning' started by willow839, Jan 3, 2019.

  1. willow839

    willow839 New Member

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    Morning

    I had planned to go vegan on 01/01/19 but issues at home have put this on hold.

    I decided to move towards veganism last September after staying at a vegan

    B&B for my birthday. I previously had never given it any thought but things they said started me to think differently. At first my partner seemed quite interested but she accused me of running away with myself over it all and announced in November that she was definitely not doing it and couldn’t see how it I could do it if she isn’t on board.

    She does do a lot of the cooking because she is retired and I work although I am happy to do it.

    She has criticised me over Xmas for not involving her (despite telling me she was adamant she wasn’t doing it). I should have thought about it more; I should have discussed with her the sort of things we can both eat – not sure what I was thinking to be honest.

    So I need ideas of what we can eat that are not faffy, where the bulk of it is vegan but where we can then add to our veggie/vegan alternatives.

    Any ideas?


    Thanks


    M
     
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  2. Emma JC
    Joyful

    Emma JC Active Member

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    welcome Willow, to the forum, and what a wise idea to come here and ask for help - we have an amazing group of people that will have good suggestions for you...

    She is likely feeling intimidated and if neither of you have had exposure to veganism it will sound overwhelming.

    I would suggest the following:

    * make a list of your current favourite foods and then take the time to research to see how you could, together, find vegan alternatives and recipes
    * search out some amazing YouTubers and websites that show 'what we eat in a day' and recipe videos that are simple!! there is not need to make complicated recipes, just start with the basics, potatoes, sweet potatoes, veggies, fruits, pastas, rice, lentils, soups, stews with great spices etc
    * check out doctors like www.drmcdougall.com and dr greger www.nutritionfacts.org as they keep it simple and easy
    * ask her "if she did decide to go vegan would it be for her health, for the animals or the environment?" there is no wrong answer and it will help you to understand her motivation and maybe help you to clarify your own
    * I am not sure what faffy means? so can't help you with that one
    * make it a fun sharing joyous project - the food is so delicious... !

    All the best moving forward and Happy New Year!:party:

    Emma JC
     
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  3. chickenmammalove

    chickenmammalove Member

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    I'm one of those people who enjoys very simple meals, so I don't have a lot of ideas, but some meals off the top of my head include...

    Basic roast dinner: roast the veg with oil or vegan butter, you can have an animal based roast and a plant based roast, as well as animal and plant based gravies.

    Pasta: have some noodles, tomato sauce (vegan), then maybe some meat and cheese options on the side (like meat crumbles and parmesian - there are vegan versions for both); and of course, a nice green salad (most are automatically vegan)

    Burgers: make different burgers (one has to grill them anyway, just make sure one is vegan), but serve on vegan buns with vegan toppings (tomato, lettuce, onion) and sauce catsup, mustard, mayonnaise - easy to find vegan)

    For some better recipe ideas, check out, "Those Annoying Vegans" on youtube.com. Their channel is mostly about veganising conventional recipes in an easy, affordable way.

    I would also take some time to view this talk by Melanie Joy:

    It's all about effectively communicating with the close people in one's life who aren't vegan. I've found this lecture invaluable in navigating healthy relationships with my non-vegan friends and family.

    Lastly, remember that, although some people go that route, you don't have to go vegan overnight. There may be several areas in your life for which you can choose the vegan option right now without upsetting your partner. Maybe you choose vegan meals when it's just you; maybe the next time you need a pair of gloves, you purchase a vegan pair; maybe you start buying vegan shampoo. Be as vegan as you can be right now. Take the time to communicate with you partner in a way that she can understand where you're coming from without shaming or overwhelming her. If it would be easier for her to start small, then do that. Taking the time to get your partner's support will make it much easier to stay vegan in the long run.
     
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  4. willow839

    willow839 New Member

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    Thank you so much for the replies. They are brilliant :heart_eyes:
    The thing about not going vegan overnight really resonated with me. I'm a hard taskmaster with myself and felt that because I'd made the 1st Jan my target that to not do would be a fail but I get now that its not.
    I'm almost there and I need to be practical as well as dedicated.
    x
     
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  5. Forest Nymph
    Meh

    Forest Nymph Active Member

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    Wow your partner has serious boundary issues. If you both weren't already of a certain age I'd say move on, because she sounds like a mentally abusive control freak.

    If you have many years invested in this person, then I can see why you'd want to find a compromise though. I honestly have NEVER met a vegetarian that was so anti vegan, no matter if they were twenty or sixty, so maybe she's worried about nutrition. I'd probably emphasize the nutrition thing with someone so difficult I guess.
     
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  6. TofuRobot
    Curious

    TofuRobot Active Member

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    IMO she sounds like an addict. The story is not unlike that of the drinking SO/Partner who is unsupportive of their partner who has decided to quit drinking. How can this person make you not do something you have decided is best for you? Are you going to let them run your life, much to the detriment of all involved? I couldn't be with such an unsupportive partner. It's really simple, actually. You creas to eat animals products and continue to eat everything else. How can someone else force you to eat something you don't want to eat? Carry on with your decision, I say. Either your partner supports you or not, but that's their problem, not yours, should they choose not to.
     
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  7. TofuRobot
    Curious

    TofuRobot Active Member

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    *cease

    For some reason I can't edit my post - ???
     
  8. Jamie in Chile
    Balanced

    Jamie in Chile Active Member

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    I don't think we can confidently be so judgemental about the partner based on this post. I'm not saying you're all wrong, you may be right, but it is a bit of a stretch to make sweeping judgements about a person given such a small amount of indirect evidence.

    On the post editing, I believe you can edit your posts minutes or hours later, but not days later. I think it's a great policy. I hate it when people go back and delete all their posts day or weeks later and mess up the flow of the thread so it doesn't make sense anymore.
     
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  9. TofuRobot
    Curious

    TofuRobot Active Member

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    That makes sense. I just also happen to hate it when I see a typo days later and can't fix it ;)
     

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