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Potential vegan partner?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Forest Nymph, Feb 2, 2018.

  1. Forest Nymph
    Scurvy

    Forest Nymph Active Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Northern California
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    Lifestyle/Diet:
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    So I've been single for a while and there are several reasons for that (one of them is moving to a smaller town) as well as the fact that I've been trying to hold out for a vegan - or at least vegetarian - partner.

    A couple of people in my life suggested I use the Tinder app. I have always avoided it in the past because I thought it was for 18 year olds and/or sleazy no tell motel hook ups. Apparently a lot of people now use it for regular dating and meeting people in their area, so I gave it a shot.

    Well on my very first day I got a match with a man who is in my classes at school. I already know him, albeit not well, but he is someone who is in my major program so I have been seeing him in class on a regular basis since last semester and will continue to do so this semester.

    Sometimes he's friendly, sometimes he's not but I guess he's a quieter person than I am. At any rate HE IS VEGAN. I know he's vegan because we are acquainted, and I do find him attractive.

    On the other hand, I'm not sure if he "swiped right" because he's truly interested or if it was a courtesy to always swipe right for a fellow vegan.

    I thought I should wait for him to make the first move, to send me a message or else talk to me on campus.

    What would you do? Should I message him to acknowledge our match on Tinder or am I doing the right thing by waiting for him to approach me?

    It's both exciting and awkward. Exciting because I know he's someone who shares my values and goals, but awkward because if he's only casually or mildly interested I don't want to invest too much when there will be consequences in my life every week for the rest of the semester.
     
  2. poivron

    poivron Member

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    New Jersey, USA
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    Vegan
    Forest Nymph, I thought you were an "active" person who had a very low opinion of anyone who had what you considered "passive" tendencies. You're seriously thinking about waiting for the guy to make the first move? Yes, there are men out there who dislike assertive women, but would you really want to be involved with such an old-fashioned and insecure person? Wouldn't you rather be with someone who is attracted to independent and confident women?

    I think you need to be more confident. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I would focus more on finding out whether this guy is good enough for you than whether he thinks you're good enough for him.

    Maybe you can approach him in person casually, rather than making a direct move on Tinder (which I'd never heard of until your post). In other words, try to get to know him a little better and see where things lead? That way, there might not be too much awkwardness if it doesn't work out?

    I think that a person's character is more important than whether they are currently vegan. After all, most of us were not vegan until a few months or years ago. Would it have been advisable for vegans to avoid us because we weren't yet vegan? Moreover, in my experience at least, after approximately six months of being vegan, veganism becomes automatic and fades into the background (except for the times when an unpleasant interaction with a defensive non-vegan brings it back to the foreground). If the only thing you have in common with someone is that they're vegan, what are you going to talk about after the first six months? If someone is compassionate, intelligent, intellectually honest and an independent thinker, they are likely to be able to recognize that there is no rational reason to eat animals, even if they are not yet vegan. By all means pursue this vegan guy as long as it feels right, but in case it doesn't work out, do consider that limiting yourself to "current vegans" significantly limits your choice of partner.
     
  3. Forest Nymph
    Scurvy

    Forest Nymph Active Member

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    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Well Poivre, I'm not "passive" in fact I was trying to refrain from being too assertive or aggressive since it's a sensitive situation where we are in the same class. I ended up making an off hand comment like "do you always swipe right for vegans" and we chatted.

    I disagree with you completely on the second part though. While living in Los Angeles I primarily dated omnis even after I went vegan and had shitty experiences with men snickering at my values, telling me veganism might be bad for my health and that humane meat is just fine, and one guy actually eating chicken in front of me and then trying to kiss me. I primarily tolerated the one guy I had known the longest who I had been involved with off and on for years - even before I was vegan - and that was partly because we had a past, but it was also because frankly he was a lot more respectful.

    It's one thing to be friends, acquaintances or co-workers with meat eaters, it's entirely another to suggest it's wrong of me to not put up with it in a romantic partner. That is my choice. That is what I want. I'm not limiting myself to vegans, I would also date an ethical vegetarian, but I prefer to date a vegan.

    I've been vegan for several years and it's not "automatic" for me nor does it "fade into the background." I'm getting trained to do animal rescue this summer and may end up working for a company like PETA. I hardly came here to post this thread so I could be lectured about how I should date meat eaters, I was asking for advice about pursuing a relationship with this specific guy.

    But thanks for your input all the same. Cheers.
     
  4. poivron

    poivron Member

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    I said "compassionate, intelligent, intellectually honest and an independent thinker". I didn't advocate dating insecure morons who take pleasure in mocking or provoking vegans.

    Sorry that my offering my opinion has annoyed you so much. In the future, if I see a post by you asking a question, I will remember that any response that happens to disagree with your opinions will be dismissed as a "lecture", regardless of the spirit of kindness in which it is offered.
     
  5. Lux
    Cheerful

    Lux Member

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    I always say the same thing when people have these types of dilemmas (usually friends not quite daring to approach someone they like at work because they're worried about having to work with them if it doesn't work out), if you don't give it a go you're never going to know if it had potential or not. If this guy is worth dating he's a cool enough person to still treat you well in class and not be all awkward about it even if you find out you're not compatible as a couple. If he's an idiot about it you know you never wanted to be in a relationship with him anyway. If you approach him, make a move and find out he's awesome, well... then you could just have found a friend or partner for life. So I say go for it.

    I usually see someone being vegan as a sign that we view the world in a similar way, but it is of course no guarantee. Just a sign.
     
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  6. VjohnV

    VjohnV Member

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    Why wait? what if he is the kind of guy that does not usually make the first move, what if he misunderstood something from you and thinks that you are not interested..

    So, why wait? You don't have to tell him straight on that you are in to him, but, you can try and get closer to him, and let things move on their own.. if things don't move fast enough for you you can always be more "aggressive" in the getting close..
     
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  7. Forest Nymph
    Scurvy

    Forest Nymph Active Member

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    Lifestyle/Diet:
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    ....I said thank you for your response...I just don't want to date an omni. I really want to date a vegan or vegetarian. I'm making this clear this wasn't what this thread was about, it wasn't about debating whether or not I should date a meat eater.
     
  8. Danur

    Danur Member

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    I ve been vegan all my life.
     
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  9. Danur

    Danur Member

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    I ve been vegan all my life. N m single.
     
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  10. Forest Nymph
    Scurvy

    Forest Nymph Active Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Northern California
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    Lifestyle/Diet:
    Vegan
    Do you live in California? Or Oregon?
     
  11. Genuine Mathias
    Balanced

    Genuine Mathias Member

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    Location:
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    Lifestyle/Diet:
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    I'm new. ~waves~ When it comes to people and the potential for a new relationship to start the only way to find out further if they are potentially a good match for you and vice versa is to express clearly your interest and attraction. Nothing will ever come good sitting around and waiting. Take action and see what happens. If a man seriously likes a women, with good intention, it won't matter who makes the first move. Personally, I find a woman who makes a first move very attracting. Good luck!
     
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