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The good, the bad, and the depressed

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I decided to try and be a hero this year and get rid of all my addictions. Not only did I go oil-free vegan but I cut out caffeine (I only drank a cup a day). I also stopped marijuana cold-turkey which I did A LOT. And, full disclosure, I also stopped masturbating and watching porn. Anything that gave me an artificial dopamine rush I cut it out. I'm trying to spend less time on the computer as well but I don't think that's a major problem and I never was a big drinker. Physically, a lot of cool things are happening. Better skin, lost weight, the spontaneous ringing in my ears has dramatically reduced. I love the fact that I can wake up in the morning and not feel like I need a cup of coffee to get the juices flowing. It's been 38 days now and physically, I feel great.
Mentally, however, it's a different story. I believe that one of the reasons people become depressed from cutting out an addiction is that there issues are still waiting for them at the doorstep like a long lost puppy who never left. I'm sure that the lack of dopamine is also a major player. But I just have no motivation sometimes and I walk around with the biggest resting ***** face you have ever seen. Writing this post is taking major effort. I love the fact that I do feel grounded but I can't deny that there are issues I haven't dealt with. I'm wondering however, that because of the withdraw I'm making my issues worse then what they really are. Who knows.
I guess you can say I'm relearning how to just simply be.
Does any of this go away eventually? I'm curious to hear your stories of withdraw from your food habits and the depression you may have had to overcome. Ultimately, I'm interested in hearing what it's like somewhere over the rainbow.
 
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amberfunk

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Personally I know for me that I get more depressed if I don't masturbate. The release of endorphins because of it helps a lot. If you didn't actually have an addiction to it (it would have to interfere with your everyday life) I don't see why you would stop. I don't know about withdrawal from marijauna as I've never used it so maybe someone else can help you out there.
 

betiPT

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I’m impressed that you have gone without your addictions for so many days, well done. Your inner audience must be doing a standing ovation:) nice one.

Are you getting enough exercise and sleep?
 
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Forest Nymph

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Oh yes, my ex was a daily smoker and when he didn't have weed he could become depressed, anxious and volatile. He was definitely using it to self-medicate, I believe he was Borderline, but that's a different story for another day.

So if you have underlying depression or some sort of mood disorder or just things you haven't dealt with in your life, it will all come back now. This is also why some people drink. For me, personally, my trigger to drink more than a couple of beers is a feeling of being overwhelmed and wanting to escape, like "run away" and it's very difficult to talk myself out of drinking no matter what good reasons I have not to if I'm dealing with those feelings that day.

When I am sober I mostly feel great, happy, and that's why I don't drink every day. But I have those days and that inexplicable bad feeling that I just want to get away from. You might have an issue like that you were masking with THC.

I also agree with amberfunk that not masturbating seems to be a bit unnecessary unless you had a serious addiction to porn. If you are doing no fap just to see if you can, right now might not be the best time, because that can lead to increased feelings of tension or depression.
 
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Gillian

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Sounds like you're depriving yourself of the things that you love. I was oil-free vegan for a long time, and also felt like anything that you can be addicted to is a problem, but this is not true. Being oil-free for so long, just made me want to be more perfect and more healthy and I became too obsessive. I started cutting out everything, anything processed, anything with a chemical or preservative, no sugar except fruit, I didn't even feel okay with drinking soy milk or any vegan milk if they had more than water and the ingredient. I stopped drinking, I stopped smoking weed. This was not healthy. Though I thought I was being oh so healthy, I was spawning an eating disorder. If I couldn't eat something that wasn't processed, I just wouldn't eat. If there was a salad, I wouldn't put any dressing on it cause I couldn't eat oil, not even things like tahini. I became underweight and started losing my hair.

I still deal with this obsessiveness and think a little too much about being healthy sometimes, but I don't deprive myself. Oil is not bad for you, strict dieting is. You need oils and fats for your body to run efficiently, like oiling your gears almost. Now that I am just vegan, I eat vegan mayo, I use olive oil and vegan butter whenever I want. In fact, I love it. I drink coffee. I drink booze when I want to. And I smoke weed when I want to. It's not all the time, but giving myself leeway is what makes me happy and calm. Don't go crazy but make yourself happy. And just masturbate man. That IS healthy. And it is a natural rush of dopamine that is good for. Again don't go crazy do it like 12 times a day, but make yourself happy.
 

Slonaut

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Since you're interested in learning how to just be, that's what Zen, Zazen and Taoism is all about.
Meditation is always beneficial. 10 minutes a day or whenever you feel like it, or when waiting at a red light or in line at the cashier, when you need to wash your hands, etc. use those moments to clear your mind and really pay attention to the fact that you are alive. In fact, almost anything can be a meditation so long as you give it your full attention. It's normal that you feel alienated on this sick planet. But find out what you are made of. Become quiet and observe without judgement. There's a wealth of reading material out there from masters like Eckhart Tolle, Osho, Alan Watts, Sadhguru, Krishnamurti, Yogananda, Maharshi, Lao Tzu, and on and on.
 
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