Before my rant, I just want to say THANK YOU for all the kind souls in this forum. I’ve read many threads and am touched by the vulnerable shares, in addition to the wise and supportive responses.
I’m grateful to be a part of a space where I feel welcomed to vent and look forward to honest replies and opinions.
Buckle up, I’m not shy with details. My auto editor literally flags “conciseness” on every document I type
I will also preface this rant with the fact that I absolutely love my mother. Aside from how her words made me feel tonight, she is kind and caring, and a wonderful hostess.
Here goes…
In the past, I have always cooked a vegan meal for my birthday (12-15 extended family). This year, my mother insisted on taking over, providing I gave her my lasagna recipe and prepared some vegan cheese for it. I asked multiple times if I could do anything and she said no. Knowing my preference to have one vegan meal shared with loved ones, she told me on top of the two pans of lasagna, she made a fruit tray, baked a cake, made salads, and my daughter was making guac. Minutes before guests were expected to arrive, my mother says “I’m going to put out a cheese tray because * * didn’t make the guac.” Turns out the avocados were too ripe, so my daughter did hummus and salsa. In my mind, that’s a fair substitution. In my mother’s mind, only Brie and a block of aged pus juice from tortured cows tits would solve the missing guacamole crisis. I offered to go to the store, but she HAD to get rid of the Brie. I bit my tongue.
I probably would forgotten about it by now had she not brought out ice cream after everyone was finishing up their cake.
After the others had left, she thanked me for cleaning up and I thanked her for dinner. Following that I opened the can….
I said I would have preferred to help out by making more appetizers or dessert if she thought more food was needed. She brought up the precious guac again and that she was just trying to make everyone happy. No one starved, many compliments were thrown at her, even my nephews who groan at the mention of anything V, cleared their plates.
Next, I said more than I’ve ever shared to a non vegan about my repulsion to others eating animal products in front of me, IMO in a soft way, something along the lines of... “I don’t expect you to understand the pain I feel when I watch people eat. It truly hurts me. You of all people know I used to love non vegan food. Do you think I would stop eating it if I didn’t feel so strongly?”
Her response “If it makes you feel that bad maybe you should talk to someone.”
The question was coupled with a mix of judgement and concern in her eyes and voice.
!!!!! ME? !!!! I HAVE THE PROBLEM??? I NEED THE THERAPIST? !!! - I didn’t say that part.
In the convo, no voices were raised and despite the title, no tears were shed. Dang am I ****** though.
I feel like I do a pretty good job of navigating who I can and can’t enlighten. Most of my friends are allys or vegan curious. I slowly converted a few past partners. I’m not a loud activist in social settings (but don’t judge anyone who is, fight your fight). I bring options/meals to non vegan gatherings with food and never expect accommodations. I may be a bit biased here, but I think I’m a pretty chill vegan.
I always knew my mother just tolerated my lifestyle, but to attempt to make me feel mentally unstable just boggles my mind.
Does tonight’s encounter sting more because it was my mother? Am I just sensitive bc it’s my bday? Am I bothered bc I am too chill? Should I be more authentic at the expense of others being uncomfortable around me? Be honest, am I being a birthdayzilla? The lasagna was delish and it feels wrong to have this foul taste left in my mouth after all the effort she put into the meal.
I welcome all advice. Also, happy to share even more details.
I’m grateful to be a part of a space where I feel welcomed to vent and look forward to honest replies and opinions.
Buckle up, I’m not shy with details. My auto editor literally flags “conciseness” on every document I type
I will also preface this rant with the fact that I absolutely love my mother. Aside from how her words made me feel tonight, she is kind and caring, and a wonderful hostess.
Here goes…
In the past, I have always cooked a vegan meal for my birthday (12-15 extended family). This year, my mother insisted on taking over, providing I gave her my lasagna recipe and prepared some vegan cheese for it. I asked multiple times if I could do anything and she said no. Knowing my preference to have one vegan meal shared with loved ones, she told me on top of the two pans of lasagna, she made a fruit tray, baked a cake, made salads, and my daughter was making guac. Minutes before guests were expected to arrive, my mother says “I’m going to put out a cheese tray because * * didn’t make the guac.” Turns out the avocados were too ripe, so my daughter did hummus and salsa. In my mind, that’s a fair substitution. In my mother’s mind, only Brie and a block of aged pus juice from tortured cows tits would solve the missing guacamole crisis. I offered to go to the store, but she HAD to get rid of the Brie. I bit my tongue.
I probably would forgotten about it by now had she not brought out ice cream after everyone was finishing up their cake.
After the others had left, she thanked me for cleaning up and I thanked her for dinner. Following that I opened the can….
I said I would have preferred to help out by making more appetizers or dessert if she thought more food was needed. She brought up the precious guac again and that she was just trying to make everyone happy. No one starved, many compliments were thrown at her, even my nephews who groan at the mention of anything V, cleared their plates.
Next, I said more than I’ve ever shared to a non vegan about my repulsion to others eating animal products in front of me, IMO in a soft way, something along the lines of... “I don’t expect you to understand the pain I feel when I watch people eat. It truly hurts me. You of all people know I used to love non vegan food. Do you think I would stop eating it if I didn’t feel so strongly?”
Her response “If it makes you feel that bad maybe you should talk to someone.”
The question was coupled with a mix of judgement and concern in her eyes and voice.
!!!!! ME? !!!! I HAVE THE PROBLEM??? I NEED THE THERAPIST? !!! - I didn’t say that part.
In the convo, no voices were raised and despite the title, no tears were shed. Dang am I ****** though.
I feel like I do a pretty good job of navigating who I can and can’t enlighten. Most of my friends are allys or vegan curious. I slowly converted a few past partners. I’m not a loud activist in social settings (but don’t judge anyone who is, fight your fight). I bring options/meals to non vegan gatherings with food and never expect accommodations. I may be a bit biased here, but I think I’m a pretty chill vegan.
I always knew my mother just tolerated my lifestyle, but to attempt to make me feel mentally unstable just boggles my mind.
Does tonight’s encounter sting more because it was my mother? Am I just sensitive bc it’s my bday? Am I bothered bc I am too chill? Should I be more authentic at the expense of others being uncomfortable around me? Be honest, am I being a birthdayzilla? The lasagna was delish and it feels wrong to have this foul taste left in my mouth after all the effort she put into the meal.
I welcome all advice. Also, happy to share even more details.
