I feel remorse

[wildr0se2]

I went months without intentionally consuming animal products. Then yesterday, I was out with my bf and I chose to have a marshmallow cookie from Crumbl. In the moment it felt good. Now? I feel like I have blood on my hands.

I needed a space to admit this. I feel bad. I love animals and have been working really hard these past few months to be vegan. I just worry if my cravings for animal products won’t go away. It’s also daunting when people eat animal products in front of me with ease and I can’t and don’t. So I’m feeling a lot of social pressure. It has crossed my mind to drop back to vegetarian, as I kind of went vegan overnight when I first started.

On behalf of the animals and other vegans, I’m so sorry.

 

[PTree15]

It's not easy swimming against the tide, but I would try to reframe your perspective about how you think about animals and food. Try thinking of being vegan as choosing not to eat animals and their byproducts, rather than thinking "you can't." It might sound silly, but it really does make a difference in mindset. I always think about the animals' lives I am saving by choosing not to eat them and animal products. I have been vegan since 2007, and once I shifted my focus away from myself and onto the animals, I really did find it much easier to remain vegan. That's not say that it would be nice to just dig into a dairy cheese pizza without guilt. That's one food I really miss, but that desire is not nearly as strong as my desire to stay vegan for the animals. I know I'm doing the right thing.

It also might help to maybe have a snack on hand in social situations. When I know I'm going to be someplace that won't have a lot of vegan options, I bring my own -- like a birthday party. I never eat the cake and ice cream, but I'll bring a batch of vegan cookies or cupcakes so that I'll have something to eat. Case in point, for St. Patrick's Day, I made vegan sugar cookies and a vegan mashed potato dish for the party I attended. I even brought a little bit of the vegan corned beef I made. I would have brought some of that to share, but it didn't come out great, lol. So I brought just enough for me so I'd have some protein.

 

[wildr0se2]

It's not easy swimming against the tide, but I would try to reframe your perspective about how you think about animals and food. Try thinking of being vegan as choosing not to eat animals and their byproducts, rather than thinking "you can't." It might sound silly, but it really does make a difference in mindset. I always think about the animals' lives I am saving by choosing not to eat them and animal products. I have been vegan since 2007, and once I shifted my focus away from myself and onto the animals, I really did find it much easier to remain vegan. That's not say that it would be nice to just dig into a dairy cheese pizza without guilt. That's one food I really miss, but that desire is not nearly as strong as my desire to stay vegan for the animals. I know I'm doing the right thing.

It also might help to maybe have a snack on hand in social situations. When I know I'm going to be someplace that won't have a lot of vegan options, I bring my own -- like a birthday party. I never eat the cake and ice cream, but I'll bring a batch of vegan cookies or cupcakes so that I'll have something to eat. Case in point, for St. Patrick's Day, I made vegan sugar cookies and a vegan mashed potato dish for the party I attended. I even brought a little bit of the vegan corned beef I made. I would have brought some of that to share, but it didn't come out great, lol. So I brought just enough for me so I'd have some protein.

Thank you, I agree with you. I wasn't thinking about the animals yesterday. I only thought of myself, so I'm taking accountability there. There was only one cookie that was vegan, and I chose to decline because I wanted to be "normal", whatever that means. Maybe moving forward, I will bring snacks with me. A lot of my loved ones are omnivores, so they tell me "it's just a cookie" or "don't feel guilty, you can cheat sometimes". It really makes me feel like they see veganism as just a DIET rather than a philosophy. I think sugar and processed foods are also addicting for me still, too. So when I see something like cookies, my mouth waters as if on command like ugh.

 

[Tom L.]

Please don't be too hard on yourself. You DO CARE about animals- and what's more, you act on that caring. If you didn't "think about the animals", you wouldn't be beating yourself up now. And it's quite normal to want to be "normal".

The fact is that (for most of us, at least) it's noticeably more difficult to be vegan or strict vegetarian than vegetarian. I went from omni to pescetarian, and then from pescetarian to vegetarian, almost overnight. But it took me much longer to drop egg and milk, even when I had learned how those industries were also abusive to animals. And I think you may be correct about sugar being addictive. For some time after I had mostly stopped eating egg and dairy, I sometimes bought baked goods such as cookies and doughnuts at reduced price on their last date of sale. I figured they were only going to be thrown out and wasted anyway. (I even waited to buy them until just before the store was closing and they definitely weren't going to be bought by someone else. How's that for being obsessive??!!) It took a notice from my health care providers after a routine checkup, when my blood test results showed I was pre-diabetic, to make me stop eating nonvegan food.

But there's good news: I don't crave those things like I used to. I never imagined I'd stop drinking milk and eating sweet baked goods and not miss them a lot- but I did, and I don't. Please be patient with yourself. This last step you're taking is a great, magnificent leap! You can rejoice that if you fall short (at first) on this step- or even later sometimes- it's not the end of the world for either you or the animals.

The only way you can TRULY fail is if you give up completely.

 

[PTree15]

Thank you, I agree with you. I wasn't thinking about the animals yesterday. I only thought of myself, so I'm taking accountability there. There was only one cookie that was vegan, and I chose to decline because I wanted to be "normal", whatever that means. Maybe moving forward, I will bring snacks with me. A lot of my loved ones are omnivores, so they tell me "it's just a cookie" or "don't feel guilty, you can cheat sometimes". It really makes me feel like they see veganism as just a DIET rather than a philosophy. I think sugar and processed foods are also addicting for me still, too. So when I see something like cookies, my mouth waters as if on command like ugh.

Humans do have a great need to fit in and be part of a group. I totally get that. And you're right, loved ones don't always get why vegans do what they do. When loved ones would ask me why I wouldn't eat a cookie that wasn't vegan, I'd calmly explain my reasons for my decisions, all related to animal cruelty and whatnot. It's hard for them to grasp the concept of veganism being a philosophy, rather than a diet. I still have friends who say to me, "Let me know when you want to take a vegan vacation and we'll have such-and-such (usually dead flesh). If you stick with it, they'll get used to it, even if they never understand it.

 

[wildr0se2]

Please don't be too hard on yourself. You DO CARE about animals- and what's more, you act on that caring. If you didn't "think about the animals", you wouldn't be beating yourself up now. And it's quite normal to want to be "normal".

The fact is that (for most of us, at least) it's noticeably more difficult to be vegan or strict vegetarian than vegetarian. I went from omni to pescetarian, and then from pescetarian to vegetarian, almost overnight. But it took me much longer to drop egg and milk, even when I had learned how those industries were also abusive to animals. And I think you may be correct about sugar being addictive. For some time after I had mostly stopped eating egg and dairy, I sometimes bought baked goods such as cookies and doughnuts at reduced price on their last date of sale. I figured they were only going to be thrown out and wasted anyway. (I even waited to buy them until just before the store was closing and they definitely weren't going to be bought by someone else. How's that for being obsessive??!!) It took a notice from my health care providers after a routine checkup, when my blood test results showed I was pre-diabetic, to make me stop eating nonvegan food.

But there's good news: I don't crave those things like I used to. I never imagined I'd stop drinking milk and eating sweet baked goods and not miss them a lot- but I did, and I don't. Please be patient with yourself. This last step you're taking is a great, magnificent leap! You can rejoice that if you fall short (at first) on this step- or even later sometimes- it's not the end of the world for either you or the animals.

The only way you can TRULY fail is if you give up completely.

This is a nice mindset! And thank you for validating my concern around animals. It's so deceiving how they make these sugary goods look so cheerful and sweet, but they're not unless they're vegan imo. I won't give up on veganism, for sure! Thank you for sharing your story

 

[Andy_T]

Don’t beat yourself up too much about it.

Remember the feeling you have now and next time in a similar situation, you will hopefully have the strength to master it.

 

[silva]

You probably were on the fence for some time before you made the decision to be vegan. For me, I was so afraid I'd fail I waited longer to commit than if I were to accept that I would sometimes cave. I was so obsessive in the beginning, carrying a list of every possible enzyme and animal sourced additives that it affected my mental state. I honestly think I would have given it up if I hadn't given myself some leeway.
Everyone is different, and you will likely find your standards shift. I know I've come across old posts on my first forum I've wanted to criticize-and found I wrote them

One thing that will most likely change is the variety of foods you'll discover that you wouldn't have thought of before
Have you looked at some of Aldis flavored chips, cookies, and Moser Roth chocolates?
As far as candy goes, look up saltine crackers toffee
As far as tasty treat that will help you make it to your next meal and taste good too without guilt either way, make some energy ball bites with dates, nuts, seeds, flavors like cocoa, matcha, coconut.....

It took me months before being vegan became my normal--where I didn't have to think about it anymore, it just was

I am not much of a vegan advocate though. That just doesn't suit how I come across, but I do write legislators, and sometimes participate in things like getting signatures for bills. Mostly I just talk food with people. not using animals is far easier once you understand. Companies do include animal products and limit vegan offerings on purpose, slaughterhouse byproducts are cheap fillers

I admit, candy to this day is a weakness.

Don't beat yourself up, it's more important to keep on the road than fall off because you're scared of failing. Personal purity is not helpful

 

[Emma JC]

I agree with not beating yourself up and please don't give up - it is a journey and you have done spectactularily (is that a word?).

For me, being vegan actually helps my mindset of staying away from those types of foods that I shouldn't be eating anyways... before 2016 I wouldn't think twice about stopping for a coffee and a donut (or two) and now it is just not even an option in my head. I love not having to choose.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[Tom L.]

@wildr0se2 I forgot to mention:.....

Eating nonvegan foods can often harm US, as well as the animals. (Those saturated fats are killers!) But nonvegan foods do have nutrients which might be harder to get from plants. Example: I've been taking a vitamin B-12 supplement for quite some time because plant foods don't naturally have it- although some foods, such as breakfast cereals, are enriched with it). To keep it closer to natural, I don't take a full B-12 tablet every day-I think one tablet has about 80(!!) times the recommended daily allowance of that vitamin. So I break it into fragments and take a bit every day or so.

But I thought I was good with vitamin D. For about half the year, it's too cold to go outside in shorts on a sunny day where I live-but I thought I got enough D from the sun during the warmer months to last me until next spring. Nope. One year, I was found to be low enough in D to need a prescription-strength supplement. Now I'm okay, but I take a vitamin D and calcium supplement during the cold months (calcium can be harder to get without dairy- even though I LOVE calcium-rich vegetables like broccoli, kale, etc.). So please let your doctor know about your diet.

 

[ewomack]

Like others here have already said, please forgive yourself for having "a slip." We're all non-perfect human beings given to wavering moods and sudden temptations. Striving for absolute perfection every single nanosecond of one's life could drive a person crazy and result in lapsing back to default behavior. Humans aren't built that way. We're capricious critters. You may slip again someday. Forgive yourself then as well. Just try not to revert back completely and you'll remain fine. You have the right mindset and moral stance. That those may fail you once in a great while simply means you're a human being like the rest of us. It's okay. Stay on the path, accept a whoops here and there, and you'll be doing better than 99.9999% of the population.

 

[wildr0se2]

Like others here have already said, please forgive yourself for having "a slip." We're all non-perfect human beings given to wavering moods and sudden temptations. Striving for absolute perfection every single nanosecond of one's life could drive a person crazy and result in lapsing back to default behavior. Humans aren't built that way. We're capricious critters. You may slip again someday. Forgive yourself then as well. Just try not to revert back completely and you'll remain fine. You have the right mindset and moral stance. That those may fail you once in a great while simply means you're a human being like the rest of us. It's okay. Stay on the path, accept a whoops here and there, and you'll be doing better than 99.9999% of the population.

It did happen again with garlic bread. Pizza guy was giving me attitude when I asked if the fries were vegan so I ate the bread out of frustration for feeling isolated. I think I need to research more vegan-friendly places to eat out. My boyfriend is also great with empathizing, but I’m also not sure he fully understands my guilt since he is an omnivore. I also had a vegan friend who was conflicted about advising me, since he said he’s my friend and doesn’t want me to feel bad but also wants to see a vegan world. He told me I should think about what I want and that maybe it’s as simple as not doing it if I want to see a vegan world, so I feel judged by him too. :/

 

[Emma JC]

I would suggest doing your research online about the particular place you are ordering from, as most people that work there may not know the answer and if they have an opinion on your preferences you don't really need to hear it. Or asking the question a different way also may help - ask what kind of oil is used in the deep fryer and you can always couch in terms that you may be asking because of "some peoples allergies".... some fries themselves may help milk products in them so always good to look online about that brand or fast food restaurant.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[silva]

What's so hard is fully acknowledging how bad it is to use animals, and hear people say it doesn't have to all or nothing.
You know what though--it's better to not be all than to crack.
I've known many people who've told me they used to be veg'n but couldn't stick with it, and now eat as though it means nothing to them. Like the guilt they had knowing what they should be doing 100% of the time but weren't was only soothed by not trying
Even those who keep vegan but a pizza on Fridays do better than those who quit caring
You aren't vegan for you after all
Well, that's my take anyway