My fiancé has decided to go back to eating meat

[HouseElf]

My fiancé recently told me he has decided after 'months of consideration' that he's going to start eating meat again. He was a pescatarian before. We've been together for just over 5 and a half years and share a 2 year old together, who is being raised vegan. He won't explain his reasoning to me, as he says I'm too sensitive on the subject - which is true, because I'm an emotional person that cries easily, so when talking about what happens to the poor animals I always feel like crying. However I feel like I need this discussion with him, if I'm being honest I want to change his mind but at the very least I feel like I deserve to know his reasoning. I know he's his own person who can make his own decisions, but I feel like because he knows how this kind of stuff affects me he should feel the need to talk to me about it?
Honestly I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do at all. I have poor mental health at the best of times and this whole thing has caused me a lot of depression and anxiety. Does anyone have any advice or opinions? Does anyone happen to have a meat eating partner? If so, how does your relationship work? Thanks for reading this far.

 

[Emma JC]

welcome to the forum @HouseElf and I am so sorry that you have this issue to deal with at this time of year especially

I am not trained in psychology or any other 'ology and yet I do have a great deal of life experience.

I would suggest that, if possible, you both go for counselling as soon as you can because it sounds to me like he may be using 'eating meat' as a way to pull back from the relationship and that is going to affect you and your two year old and putting the cards on the table with honesty will be better for everyone. This is a pretty classic way for people to change relationship status.... start up a behaviour that will make the other person push them away and they don't have to take responsibility for it.

I see you are 24 which means you have been together since you were 19 which is very young and it is not unusual for relationships to change when you are in that age demographic. A child definitely makes that more challenging for both of you which is why outside counselling can help you either stay together and be happy together or, worst case, have a change in your relationship and do it calmly and as loving and caring as possible.

I send you big hugs as I went through a marriage break up at your age and it was hard and I am thankful there were not any children involved. He definitely engaged in behaviour designed to make me push him away and yet because of my upbringing I would have stayed. Thankfully he pushed me away and it was ultimately the best thing that happened to me as life would have been miserable with him. That was over 30 years ago and I am grateful every day.

All the best to you!

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[Chryssie]

My ex did the same thing and I agree with Emma that it may be a way of distancing himself from the relationship. Counselling sounds like an excellent idea.
Welcome to the forum!

 

[Jamie in Chile]

Since you mentioned depression, I do think Emma and Chryssie are right, you need to think about counselling. We don't want to make a mistake here that could make things worse.

You are going to have a discussion with him. Tell him you want to understand his reasons but you will ultimately accept his decision (assuming that's true).

If he insists, I think you should take the chance to get a firmer promise than ever on your kid being raised vegan. People don´t like to double disappoint, and following a discussion about his own eating habits, he will be inclined to give you something if you ask for the confirmation that nothing will change on your kid.

Good luck. I do sympathise.

 

[Jamie in Chile]

Hi House Elf, just checking in, how are you doing? Let us know if you need any more help.

 

[VeganRachel]

Hi, thanks for sharing. His decision is an easy way to separate himself from you. Yet, he has the right to make
his own choices whether you agree or not. You may not be able to change his decision. It may be the time for both
of you to go your separate ways. He may have been subject to male ridicule, was not fully committed as you are, or
was feeling an addiction to meat returning.
Eating fish is very close to eating other animal flesh. I feel the same about those who consume dairy and eggs; they still involve animal oppression and death
I am amazed many vegan women have omnivore male partners, yet love is very powerful. Ethics and morality may
not be a part of everyone's dietary choice, yet it is my main consideration for becoming vegan over twenty years ago.
This lifestyle matters to me and is a massive part of my commitment to ethics and morality, yet I do care about my health
and eating a whole-food plant dietary regimen. Peace and blessings, rachel

 

[Vegan Dogs]

Try using word animals instead of meat to him. Ask what their name was. How old when killed etc

 

[rogerjolly]

Try using word animals instead of meat to him.

I find that using the word "flesh" instead of "meat" usually raises a few eyebrows.

Roger.

 

[silva]

I wish HouseElf would come back.
What really sticks out to me here isn't an omnivore/vegan problem but a problem of having a partner who openly disrespects the other.
I know many mixed relationships, with the one with restrictions having the upper hand in what comes into the house. The other without restrictions can be perfectly fine having whatever is in the house and include whatever they want outside.,

Switch up the problem here by subbing 'meat' with couples of different religious beliefs. Would you feel differently if one was kosher and suddenly the other starting mixing up foods in the fridge? Or if one were trying to lose weight and the other stored foods that shouldn't be had? How about if it were a heart patient? a Crohns sufferer? An allergy?

As young as the are, they need to rethink this relationship, especially with a child involved

 

[VeganRachel]

I find that using the word "flesh" instead of "meat" usually raises a few eyebrows.

Roger.

Good idea, it becomes real then.
I met a vegan woman at a copy center. We started talking and I asked her if her teenage daughter and husband were vegan/veg>
She said no. I said, well you do not cook for them of course!. but she said "Yes I do". I said, you have a right to your own choices
but I would tell them they can eat what they want, but that I only make vegan food......

 

[The Master Of Design]

My fiancé recently told me he has decided after 'months of consideration' that he's going to start eating meat again. He was a pescatarian before. We've been together for just over 5 and a half years and share a 2 year old together, who is being raised vegan. He won't explain his reasoning to me, as he says I'm too sensitive on the subject - which is true, because I'm an emotional person that cries easily, so when talking about what happens to the poor animals I always feel like crying. However I feel like I need this discussion with him, if I'm being honest I want to change his mind but at the very least I feel like I deserve to know his reasoning. I know he's his own person who can make his own decisions, but I feel like because he knows how this kind of stuff affects me he should feel the need to talk to me about it?
Honestly I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do at all. I have poor mental health at the best of times and this whole thing has caused me a lot of depression and anxiety. Does anyone have any advice or opinions? Does anyone happen to have a meat eating partner? If so, how does your relationship work? Thanks for reading this far.

Wuff.. Its a tough one. Me and my ex-girlfriend were dating about a year and when we were in a relationship she would eat mostly vegan, vegetarian sometimes... But once we broke up she told me she got back to eating chicken and similar... I felt devastated to say at least... I am just saying this to say that I feel you as I am also as a man quite emotional and "sensitive" especially when it comes to this topic.

Here are a few things you might want to consider to do:
- You break up and see how he reacts if this is something you can't get over.
- If he still wants to continue to eat that way, see if this is something you can live with.
- Acceptance is a big part of our lives, so if you can learn to accept that he might never change you be alright.
- If you can't accept, ask yourself are you first truly happy in this relationship (regardless of what he eats)

If he makes you happy DO NOT question his decisions as a man will resist more, instead learn to accept and show him how much love you still have for him. I am sure you know Natalie Portman has a husband who eats meat and she is Vegan. I bet it's not easy, but if it's true love, I guess it's worth it.

 

[David3]

Wuff.. Its a tough one. Me and my ex-girlfriend were dating about a year and when we were in a relationship she would eat mostly vegan, vegetarian sometimes... But once we broke up she told me she got back to eating chicken and similar... I felt devastated to say at least... I am just saying this to say that I feel you as I am also as a man quite emotional and "sensitive" especially when it comes to this topic.

Here are a few things you might want to consider to do:
- You break up and see how he reacts if this is something you can't get over.
- If he still wants to continue to eat that way, see if this is something you can live with.
- Acceptance is a big part of our lives, so if you can learn to accept that he might never change you be alright.
- If you can't accept, ask yourself are you first truly happy in this relationship (regardless of what he eats)

If he makes you happy DO NOT question his decisions as a man will resist more, instead learn to accept and show him how much love you still have for him. I am sure you know Natalie Portman has a husband who eats meat and she is Vegan. I bet it's not easy, but if it's true love, I guess it's worth it.

.
Agreed. But if the couple has children, will the guy allow the children to be raised vegan (especially if the child is a boy)? If the child has physical or intellectual difficulties, will the guy (and/or his family) blame it on the woman's vegan diet?
.