I was raised pretty much athiest. We went to church occasionally, I don't know why, and I remember taking communion at least once cos I was SO EXCITED I was drinking wine. I used to go to a church hall for a youth group in the evenings but I don't remember there being a religious element to it, we just played games and hung out.
We knew the Vicar well enough for him to write me and my brother recommendations to get into a Church of England secondary school, but I think that was because of my nan who was casually religious.
Christianity made little sense to me when I really learned what it was, so I was athiest for some time until I went to a Hindu temple. I found the core beliefs very sensible and I was inadvertently following most of the main things anyway (not drinking, eating meat or taking drugs). I thought if everyone followed the actual spirit of the religion it would be a very nice world to live in. It was complicated by my utter blind devotion to one of the members who was the first man I ever felt a sexual attraction to, besides a few celebrity crushes, and I fell in love with who he appeared to be. Over time I learned he was a very different person and quite bitter and screwed up, not somebody I could have been happy with. And that was the problem with a lot of the members of the temple, they appeared very happy and joyful which really attracted me to the religion but once you scratch the surface you see they are just like everyone else with their own agendas, being ruled by their egos and acting selfishly instead of out of any co-operative desire to please God. The meditation aspect also helped me, I am now much better at relaxing and focusing on something I don't particularly enjoy for long periods of time without my mind wandering too much. I still do that when I feel the need, too.
The way I was treated by some of the people there really put me off it, as well as finding out more about the leader of this particular sect of Hinduism. Basically that he was a misogynist and probably a racist too. I couldn't consider myself a part of the organisation after that, although I continued working there because I loved the cows, many of the people, and I felt like the farm was doing very good work. I still do, and I would support the farm financially if I am ever in a position to do so. I also still follow the parts that make sense to me. I also love Krishna, though more as a sort of favourite character in a book than an actual deity. He feels like an imaginary friend I had as a child or something, someone who is with me and real to me but I know is not actually real. If that makes any sense. There is a lot to learn from the religious texts and I do still read them, but as more of a philosophical exercise than as a guide to how to live my life. I maintain that if people followed the essence of the Vedas, the world would be peaceful and happier. Most of the bad elements are cultural rather than in the religious texts, like the subjugation of women. The Vedas elevate the female higher than the male, culture pushes her to the bottom under a guise of protecting her from things she's too weak to resist herself.
Having been through it all I have a much better understanding and respect for religious people. I am deeply ashamed of being one of those athiests who would mock people for their "imaginary man in the sky" - one of the popular phrases I despise. I hate that it is socially acceptable to mock, disrespect and ridicule religious people even though I no longer consider myself one. Individual beliefs can be dangerous and should be challenged but individuals who believe in a deity/deities should not be mocked. I think having been a believer (or fooling myself that I was) for some time, I am now more secure in my atheism and more accepting of religion at the same time, so I feel no need to be like a defensive omni and react harshly to religious people, even those trying to preach to me.
I'm glad Aery said this wasn't a debate thread and I won't engage if someone tries to get me into one over this, I find it saddening and frustrating to discuss religion usually. But that has been my path
