US The Coddling of the American Mind

[Freesia]

It is different being asked where you are from when you have a different accent.. I dont mind being asked it when living overseas, what feels weird is being asked it in your birth country, like the Aziz Ansari gif on the last page.. I am sure he gets asked it all the time despite having an American accent..

it is more a way of saying "Hey, you look different from other people here.. why?" or something.

 

[Moll Flanders]

It is different being asked where you are from when you have a different accent.. I dont mind being asked it when living overseas, what feels weird is being asked it in your birth country, like the Aziz Ansari gif on the last page.. I am sure he gets asked it all the time despite having an American accent..

it is more a way of saying "Hey, you look different from other people here.. why?" or something.

Yes, I know, that is why I said I would only usually say it in conversation if someone has an accent and I can't place where it is from.

 

[Freesia]

I understand why they say it and it isnt inherently hurtful.. but if you are going through other not good stuff in your home town it kind of adds to it.. .

 

[Wolfie]

Yeah, but it's like where I live. If you don't look like a local, people ask where are you from? Is it curiosity, racism, fear or "all of the above"?

Maybe it's just a conversation starter? I have probably asked it of people before. I honestly don't remember. But I'm not racist nor do I fear people that aren't just like me.

 

[Freesia]

Maybe it's just a conversation starter? I have probably asked it of people before. I honestly don't remember. But I'm not racist nor do I fear people that aren't just like me.

I have never had it as a conversation starter... that would sound very abrupt.. and I dont think it is really racist per se but all the same it is a reminder that I dont visually fit in.

I have travelled a lot and spent time in places where my "look" was very common and I was never asked this question
even when I spoke in what would have been to them a foreign accent. , (though I get asked at home all the time)
This question is 100% about looks, for sure.

 

[beancounter]

Heck, when I first moved to Boston, a lot of the natives asked me where I was from. "New York" wasn't what they wanted to hear, but I always enjoyed seeing their facial expressions.

The question never offended me though...

 

[Wolfie]

I got asked a few times in Canada when we were there, and also when traveling in the southern US. Didn't bother me either.

 

[Freesia]

Heck, when I first moved to Boston, a lot of the natives asked me where I was from. "New York" wasn't what they wanted to hear, but I always enjoyed seeing their facial expressions.

The question never offended me though...

I got asked a few times in Canada when we were there, and also when traveling in the southern US. Didn't bother me either.

Oh, I didnt know you were both mixed race like me ... maybe America and Canada are more comfortable places to be in that respect

New Zealand is so insular and provincial, it is not really a good place to be different.

 

[kita]

It's late and I'm tired and I'll look at the article later.

I will say, my mother was not born in the U.S. (where I'm from) and she didn't like people commenting on her accent or asking where she was from. I by the way didn't realize my mother had an accent since I heard her speak all my life and didn't think about it unless someone mentioned it. I don't know if that is true for all kids who have a parent not born in the country they were.

 

[Mischief]

Oh, I didnt know you were both mixed race like me ... maybe America and Canada are more comfortable places to be in that respect

New Zealand is so insular and provincial, it is not really a good place to be different.

White people, and especially nonimmigrant whites, can be totally oblivious, even after they have been told in so many words.

 

[beancounter]

White people, and especially nonimmigrant whites, can be totally oblivious, even after they have been told in so many words.

Most of the time, people ask such a question out of curiosity or ignorance. It is rarely hostile, and I think someone on the receiving end would know right away which one it is.

Also, we need to consider whether the problem is with the speaker or listener. Most people can't read minds or know the personal history of someone they just met, so it is not possible for them to assess the level of insecurities and fears the listener may have.

But in a culture where young people are taught that they must be offended by anything and everything regardless of context or intent, there is no hope...

 

[Mischief]

Most of the time, people ask such a question out of curiosity or ignorance. It is rarely hostile, and I think someone on the receiving end would know right away which one it is.

Also, we need to consider whether the problem is with the speaker or listener. Most people can't read minds or know the personal history of someone they just met, so it is not possible for them to assess the level of insecurities and fears the listener may have.

You were equating (a) your experience, as a white person with a NY accent, at being asked, while in a different part of the country, where you were from, with (b) a person, with no "different" accent, being asked where he is from, based solely on that person's appearance.

Do you see the difference? The assumption that the someone who doesn't look like the questioner must be alien in some regard?

And then, if the hometown is given as, say, NYC, the continued "but where are you really from?"

 

[shyvas]

Most of the time, people ask such a question out of curiosity or ignorance. It is rarely hostile, and I think someone on the receiving end would know right away which one it is.

Also, we need to consider whether the problem is with the speaker or listener. Most people can't read minds or know the personal history of someone they just met, so it is not possible for them to assess the level of insecurities and fears the listener may have.

But in a culture where young people are taught that they must be offended by anything and everything regardless of context or intent, there is no hope...

People ask me this question (where I come from) all the time and it is just out of curiosity.

I actually asked someone the same question today when I called into M&S. I just wanted to know whether I was right about her country of origin which was Germany. From there we chatted about why she had ended up in the UK.

 

[Mischief]

I really, really wish that reincarnation were a real concept.

 

[beancounter]

You were equating (a) your experience, as a white person with a NY accent, at being asked, while in a different part of the country, where you were from, with (b) a person, with no "different" accent, being asked where he is from, based solely on that person's appearance.

Do you see the difference? The assumption that the someone who doesn't look like the questioner must be alien in some regard?

And then, if the hometown is given as, say, NYC, the continued "but where are you really from?"

Oh, for heaven sake, I've been asked by non-white people where I was from - once in DC, once in Phoenix, and a number of times in Boston. Still didn't bother me.

As to your last question, while I was visiting St Jean, I was asked that question. I said America, and then Boston. Still wasn't offended...

 

[Spang]

...non-white...

Using the term "non-white" implies that white is the standard.

 

[Mischief]

Oh, for heaven sake, I've been asked by non-white people where I was from - once in DC, once in Phoenix, and a number of times in Boston. Still didn't bother me.

As to your last question, while I was visiting St Jean, I was asked that question. I said America, and then Boston. Still wasn't offended...

You still don't get it. The reason you were asked was not because you didn't look like the questioner; you were asked because you had an accent.

If you have a NY accent, I bet you were never asked where you are from while you lived in NY.

The point is, people who were born and grew up in [here insert city or county] are not asked "where are you from?" unless they happen to look "different." (Or in my case, once they hear my name, because it's a very "ethnic" one.)

That's in contrast to everyone I know who "looks" Indian, Pakistani, Asian or Latino; they may have been born and lived all their lives here in the Midwest, but they are still asked where they are from.

 

[beancounter]

Using the term "non-white" implies that white is the standard.

I said non white to cover all skin pigmentation that were not Caucasian. It is simply easier than listing each. You can derive whatever meaning you want from it. But honestly, it must be lousy way to live to always assume what someone is saying is intentionally biased, racist, sexist, etc, etc.

 

[beancounter]

You still don't get it. You weren't asked because you didn't look like the questioner; you were asked because you had an accent.

Oh, for heaven sake, I've been asked by non-white people where I was from - once in DC, once in Phoenix, and a number of times in Boston. Still didn't bother me.

Just in case you didn't understand why I quoted and bolded certain text...those people who asked me where I was from were not white, I am white, therefore they didn't look like me. Or to put it another way, they asked me because I didn't look like them.

 

[Wolfie]

Most of the time, people ask such a question out of curiosity or ignorance. It is rarely hostile, and I think someone on the receiving end would know right away which one it is.

Also, we need to consider whether the problem is with the speaker or listener. Most people can't read minds or know the personal history of someone they just met, so it is not possible for them to assess the level of insecurities and fears the listener may have.

But in a culture where young people are taught that they must be offended by anything and everything regardless of context or intent, there is no hope...

Agreed. And no, I can't speak as a mixed race person. But I do know plenty of non-whites that also aren't offended by a simple "where are you from?" That's not a jab at anyone here who does get offended by it. I don't know anyone's history and am not about to say what they should or shouldn't be offended by. Just pointing out not everyone who asks that question means something by it.