Need to feel like I’m not crazy

[VeganScientist]

Hello Everyone.

I’ve been vegan for 16 years now, and I’ve been able to deal with the emotional stress of this choice fairly easily until this last few months. I wasn’t vegan when I met my husband and he never went fully vegan but is 95% pescatarian at this point and he loves and supports me 100%. But in the last few months I’ve seen our two grandsons being brainwashed into supporting animal cruelty and the destruction of the environment before they can even speak. I’ve seen their parents cheer on as they shove that first steak or ground beef in their unaware little hands. I’ve also see my step father fighting cancer while feeding himself steaks and processed red meat. I sent my mother a Harvard meta analysis and other publications from the WHO and she just ignores it all.

So, for the first time, I’m actually struggling emotionally with being vegan in a world (and family) of meat eaters. It’s been weeks and I haven’t been able to shake it. So that’s why I’m here. I need people who have left the cave and aren’t still staring at shadows on the wall. I need to feel that I’m not crazy for being the only sane person in a crazy world. I hope people out there understand what I’m feeling.

I’ve already felt better just reading through some I these forums and seeing how many of us are out here. So thank you already!

 

[Brian W]

Hi @VeganScientist Welcome to the forum. You will find a bunch of very supportive and usually well informed people here.

 

[KLS52]

I'm not sure why their behavior would shake your beliefs after 16 years. I can understand if you said it made you feel hurt or angry, but not sure why it would make you want to give it up?
Is there animosity when you get together? Are they questioning your choices and making it difficult for you? Maybe you need to stop pushing veganism on them as well. Relationships are hard and sometimes fragile. Sometimes certain subjects need to be off limits. Maybe arrange get togethers that aren't centered around meals? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions...it is early and I haven't had coffee yet. I need more clarity.

And Welcome to the forum!

This thread discusses the subject a bit...not so much wanting to quit but more why some people don't see the light.

Please help me with my confusion | Vegan Forum

 

[VeganScientist]

Hi

I'm not sure why their behavior would shake your beliefs after 16 years. I can understand if you said it made you feel hurt or angry, but not sure why it would make you want to give it up?
Is there animosity when you get together? Are they questioning your choices and making it difficult for you? Maybe you need to stop pushing veganism on them as well. Relationships are hard and sometimes fragile. Sometimes certain subjects need to be off limits. Maybe arrange get togethers that aren't centered around meals? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions...it is early and I haven't had coffee yet. I need more clarity.

And Welcome to the forum!

This thread discusses the subject a bit...not so much wanting to quit but more why some people don't see the light.

Please help me with my confusion | Vegan Forum

hi and thank you for your response.

Just to clarify: I’m never quitting. I was just BBC expressing that I’ve been feeling: angry, hurt, isolated, despondent, misanthropic, and on and on.

The reason it’s been more difficult recently is because for the first time I’m seeing babies brainwashed before they’re old enough to understand and that hurts a lot. It feels so unfair. Obviously I know it happens all the time, but this time I’m watching it happen in real time to two grand babies that I have a direct family connection to. Also I’m seeing my 81 year old step father with cancer being fed and happily eating carcinogenic foods. Again, it happens all the time but now it’s all happening to people who are close family and that’s why it’s been so difficult.

 

[KLS52]

Hi

hi and thank you for your response.

Just to clarify: I’m never quitting. I was just BBC expressing that I’ve been feeling: angry, hurt, isolated, despondent, misanthropic, and on and on.

The reason it’s been more difficult recently is because for the first time I’m seeing babies brainwashed before they’re old enough to understand and that hurts a lot. It feels so unfair. Obviously I know it happens all the time, but this time I’m watching it happen in real time to two grand babies that I have a direct family connection to. Also I’m seeing my 81 year old step father with cancer being fed and happily eating carcinogenic foods. Again, it happens all the time but now it’s all happening to people who are close family and that’s why it’s been so difficult.

Thanks for clarifying. You're definitely not alone in your feelings. My husband and son are both omni and it's often difficult sharing a kitchen/meals with them. I have no other family who are vegan so holidays and other events are always laden with meat and cheese. It's been 16 years for me too! I mistook you saying that you're struggling as you're wavering. Sorry about that. I have two grandchildren 12 and 14. It is difficult sometimes seeing them raised omni but I have to stay out of it.

My granddaughter did make me a vegan cake for my birthday in February! I thought that was pretty cool. I have hopes that they may come around on their own as they get older and go out into the world.

 

[peakvegan]

You are not crazy. The cognitive dissonance is strong out there. I also feel in the current climate (no pun intended) that with so many major problems in the world, there is a growing sense of "what's the point" with many people; I feel it myself sometimes, the sense that so many things are going wrong that the impact of our actions seems to be diminishing, if that makes sense. I see it in my friends who, in full awareness of the current climate crisis, continue to fly off on their skiing holidays so that their children can experience the snow while there's still some left etc.

 

[Emma JC]

welcome to the forum and so happy you feel supported and understood here

I'm with @KLS52 here in that none of my siblings will change although they are trying to make healthier choices. There is nothing I can do about that except be the example and I have found that when I get together they all go out of their way to accommodate me and I do also in that I take on the responsibility of cooking for them too. My older siblings are fairly healthy (60s -70s) however at least 1 & two of their spouses have had a heart attack and I have learned not to nag, just to supply information if asked. I also have the benefit of not living close to most of them and especially since Covid I have not spent much time with anyone other than my spouse so it is not "in my face" all the time. You have my sympathy having to see it, especially in grandchildren...

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[VeganScientist]

You are not crazy. The cognitive dissonance is strong out there. I also feel in the current climate (no pun intended) that with so many major problems in the world, there is a growing sense of "what's the point" with many people; I feel it myself sometimes, the sense that so many things are going wrong that the impact of our actions seems to be diminishing, if that makes sense. I see it in my friends who, in full awareness of the current climate crisis, continue to fly off on their skiing holidays so that their children can experience the snow while there's still some left etc.

I 100% feel your frustration with contradictory behaviors. When it comes to that I usually remind myself that I’m not perfect either. Someone else might look at me and say I could buy all my clothes at a thrift shop, or ride a bike to work, and they might have a point. So when I feel the frustration I just remind myself that there are many subjective value judgments that influence where people draw their lines. (But eating meat is just objectively wrong so that’s different.) As far as feeling “what’s the point in me doing it if everybody else doesn’t?” I understand how you feel, but I don’t actually struggle with that. What you describe would seem to be a counter argument to the environmental impact issue, but it’s actually a futility fallacy. The bottom line is that veganism needs time to grow in the zeitgeist. And I’m encouraged by stats that show it is growing. Also, the health and compassion elements don’t change depending on how other people behave. I feel pride at being a pioneer.

 

[VeganScientist]

welcome to the forum and so happy you feel supported and understood here

I'm with @KLS52 here in that none of my siblings will change although they are trying to make healthier choices. There is nothing I can do about that except be the example and I have found that when I get together they all go out of their way to accommodate me and I do also in that I take on the responsibility of cooking for them too. My older siblings are fairly healthy (60s -70s) however at least 1 & two of their spouses have had a heart attack and I have learned not to nag, just to supply information if asked. I also have the benefit of not living close to most of them and especially since Covid I have not spent much time with anyone other than my spouse so it is not "in my face" all the time. You have my sympathy having to see it, especially in grandchildren...

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

Thank you for that. It’s nice to hear from people who understand.

My family always enjoys whatever I serve them. They come back for seconds and thirds. But they also enjoy sharing anti-vegan memes on our group chat. Twice now they’ve share some nonsense about how vegans never shut up about it, even though I almost never bring it up unsolicited. So they put me in a spot where I can’t say anything. They post image after image of meat foods and brag about how tasty it was. Just today my brother posted an image of a watermelon steak salad, and with the caption “this has gone too far”, and my other brother replied “good grief!” So they can say as much as they want but if I say anything “vegans never shut the f*** up!” I also try to lead with a non-pushy example, and share medical research when I can. But they all just ignore it, or tell me it is lies.

So ridiculous. But I’ve been rolling with it for years, so it is what it is.

 

[KLS52]

Thank you for that. It’s nice to hear from people who understand.

My family always enjoys whatever I serve them. They come back for seconds and thirds. But they also enjoy sharing anti-vegan memes on our group chat. Twice now they’ve share some nonsense about how vegans never shut up about it, even though I almost never bring it up unsolicited. So they put me in a spot where I can’t say anything. They post image after image of meat foods and brag about how tasty it was. Just today my brother posted an image of a watermelon steak salad, and with the caption “this has gone too far”, and my other brother replied “good grief!” So they can say as much as they want but if I say anything “vegans never shut the f*** up!” I also try to lead with a non-pushy example, and share medical research when I can. But they all just ignore it, or tell me it is lies.

So ridiculous. But I’ve been rolling with it for years, so it is what it is.

I would be furious if my friends/family threw stuff like that in my face.

 

[Tom L.]

Welcome, @VeganScientist !

Most of the people I know and care about are not vegetarian or even pescatarian, let alone vegan- but I haven't had to deal with the crap you describe. We're here for you- even though I suppose on-line friends don't substitute completely for real-life ones. (Have you looked around for such groups in your area?)

If someone's knowing a certain food might give them a terminal disease won't stop them from eating it, I don't know what will. Then again, maybe it will just take time (a LOT of time). Both my parents smoked- but they were born in the 1920s and started using tobacco long before it was generally known how dangerous it is. Once the dangers of tobacco use became public, it still took them quite some time and several attempts to kick the habit, and this has been the case for most of the smokers I've known.

But this still doesn't excuse your family's behavior. Even if they're acting this way because of how they've seen more militant, confrontational vegans act, they should grasp that this doesn't reflect on you.

 

[alleycat]

G'day and welcome, you will find a lot of support and understanding here.

 

[Deleted member 3018]

Welcome.
I'm sorry that you are struggling. I know how absurd it can feel when people you know and love willingly ignore the suffering of other living beings.

 

[Chryssie]

from a fellow Floridian! Sorry your family isn't supportive.

 

[VeganScientist]

Welcome, @VeganScientist !

Most of the people I know and care about are not vegetarian or even pescatarian, let alone vegan- but I haven't had to deal with the crap you describe. We're here for you- even though I suppose on-line friends don't substitute completely for real-life ones. (Have you looked around for such groups in your area?)

If someone's knowing a certain food might give them a terminal disease won't stop them from eating it, I don't know what will. Then again, maybe it will just take time (a LOT of time). Both my parents smoked- but they were born in the 1920s and started using tobacco long before it was generally known how dangerous it is. Once the dangers of tobacco use became public, it still took them quite some time and several attempts to kick the habit, and this has been the case for most of the smokers I've known.

But this still doesn't excuse your family's behavior. Even if they're acting this way because of how they've seen more militant, confrontational vegans act, they should grasp that this doesn't reflect on you.

Thank you so much. I know it’s only online, but it means a lot to me to hear from others who understand.

 

[VeganScientist]

from a fellow Floridian! Sorry your family isn't supportive.

Thank you!

 

[VeganScientist]

Welcome.
I'm sorry that you are struggling. I know how absurd it can feel when people you know and love willingly ignore the suffering of other living beings.

Thank you! I’ve actually gotten used to it over the years. But I wasn’t mentally prepared to see my grandsons being indoctrinated into indifference to pain and suffering. That required a whole new way to cope. But I’m doing better. Just hearing from people on these forums has helped.

 

[VeganScientist]

G'day and welcome, you will find a lot of support and understanding here.

Thank you! I’ve definitely found that to be the case already.

 

[Emma JC]

Thank you for that. It’s nice to hear from people who understand.

My family always enjoys whatever I serve them. They come back for seconds and thirds. But they also enjoy sharing anti-vegan memes on our group chat. Twice now they’ve share some nonsense about how vegans never shut up about it, even though I almost never bring it up unsolicited. So they put me in a spot where I can’t say anything. They post image after image of meat foods and brag about how tasty it was. Just today my brother posted an image of a watermelon steak salad, and with the caption “this has gone too far”, and my other brother replied “good grief!” So they can say as much as they want but if I say anything “vegans never shut the f*** up!” I also try to lead with a non-pushy example, and share medical research when I can. But they all just ignore it, or tell me it is lies.

So ridiculous. But I’ve been rolling with it for years, so it is what it is.

...and this is one of the reasons why I don't do social media or chat groups etc - this is the only 'social media' that I participate in and none of my family are here - I stay in touch with each of them individually and so do not have to see any of their facebook posts etc - do I miss out on some stuff? for sure and yet because our lives are so different (religion, food, etc) I don't need to see anything they post every day and they sure as heck wouldn't wish to see what's inside my brain either....

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[PTree15]

Welcome to VF, VeganScientist! I hear you on seeing the brainwashing of the young ones. I see it in my nieces and nephews who are bringing up their kids with cruelty-laden foods. It's definitely distressing when it hits so close to home. I've been vegan for 16 years as well and I've had some impact on a few family members who have made things like non-dairy milks and veggie burgers a regular part of their diets. They always love what I make, but they often lament the lack of dead flesh. Baby steps.