Omnivore boyfriend of three years

[Tatyana]

Hi, I'm new here. As no-one in my family is vegan I didn't know where to turn, and I'm sorry if I'm bringing up points that have already been discussed.
I'm passionate about veganism but would still describe myself as transitioning for the sole reason of... My boyfriend. Who I love very much and want to spend my life with.
I was vegetarian when we started dating and he saw even that as me being fussy, but now I'm vegan it's a constant battle.
He's overweight and prone to illnesses like having a bad back, so I want to help him. And I want him to understand, so I show him lots information but most of the time he says it's boring and doesn't read or watch it.
He says he knows what animals go through but that won't put him off.
I used to be ok with him eating meat but now I just feel like I can't take it and his willful ignorance any more. But I love him so much. I don't know what to do.
Has anyone else been in this situation?

 

[The Quinoa Whisperer]

My only advice would be to really take notice on how it affects you. If he's a great guy and you truly love him, then it's part of him you'll have to accept. After all, there has to be a huge amount of good to outweigh that huge bad, right?

And if he loves you in return, then eventually this should be important to him too. If he flat out refuses to learn about something that means so much to you, then that's not a very loving person.

 

[Jamie in Chile]

Here's what I would do in your situation. You can judge if is helpful or not for you to use any parts of it, although you may need a different approach.

I would tell him that I want him to watch two particular movies with me sometime over the next month (not on the same day) when convenient for him so that he understands where I am coming from, and it would be very personally important to me that he watches them and has a discussion, and after that I can accept whatever he decides. If he refuses to watch or discuss, that's bad news. If he watches and has an intelligent discussion with me, and has at least thought about the issue, I would have to respect his decisions.

To remind myself of what is great about my partner, I would try to list 5 things of substance I love about him, 5 nice things he did for me recently, 5 things me and him have in common, and 5 things he did recently for other people (or animals) and not just myself or him. If I found it easy to write a list of such positive things, it's a good indication and reaffirmation that he's right for me and writing the lists might help me feel better.

I would also make sure I don't get pregnant or engaged until I have discussed the following questions with him and made a clear agreement which we are both happy with: 1. Will the wedding be vegan? 2. Are we going to have kids? Is is OK to bring them up vegan? Does he accept a vegan diet for them is healthy from a nutrition standpoint? Does he have any close family members that will give any opinions on this matter?

 

[Tatyana]

Thanks to both of you for the good advice. I'll pick and choose what I think will work for us, and will try to express clearly how I feel about it from now on.

 

[Jamie in Chile]

Best of luck!

 

[gab]

Some great replies there. For me it comes down to: if you love someone, do you not want to be the best version of yourself in that relationship ?

More specifically, if he loves you, should he not make all the possible efforts to get trim and healthy for a long and happy life ?

Gab

 

[Sally]

I've been vegan for over a year and still my husband is a confirmed carnivore. But lately he has shown an interest in what I eat and even shows me vegan recipes that he says he might be willing to eat. My food smells better than his when I'm cooking and he has accepted that I'm not going back to eating meat. Give it time. Make sure your meals are absolutely delicious and smell wonderful with the herbs and spices you use. Most importantly stay committed and he will see the benefits you are getting and might decide that he'd like some of those too. If he's great in other ways then accept that nobody is perfect and just enjoy the good bits.

PS. I use sunflower oil when I cook my husband a fry up and always grill bacon so he doesn't get too much bad fat.

 

[Foodie]

Hi Tatyana! I had the same problem with my boyfriend but what really got to him was "the best speech you will ever hear" look it up on youtube maybe it will help!

 

[Jamie in Chile]

That's interesting. When you say "got to him" do you mean he saw it and became vegan, or just understood you and was a bit more tolerant of your views but still eats meat? No need to share if you don't want to of course, just curious.

 

[Tatyana]

Thanks guys. Even more good advice.
I definitely agree that one should try hard to be the best you can for the one you love. I think I also should try harder to help him understand. I showed him Earthlings in the end, but we just ended up in an argument because he didn't get the point. So I'm going to approach it from the health point of view. Slowly slowly.
Other people can manage through love, as someone pointed out, so one way or another it'll be fine I'm sure

 

[Sojah]

Hey there!

I kinda have the same issue w/ my wife, we live in Brazil and Barbecue party is common here ¬¬, but can work it out. I know how you feel I've showed her so many stuff until she accepts my new lifestyle. I basically showed her some stuff that opened up my eyes, we had a civilized discussion and she dealt with it pretty good. I never wanted her to change because of me and I respect her option for a meat based diet and feelings and she does respect mine. She always try her best to cook my veggie food and is always bringing new dishes and ideas.

That aside, I really think he needs to do his best and support you, and maybe take your example and have a good diet for his health, even eating meat. So he can be together with you. Harmony is the key and as ppl said above, try showing him what got you into it and have a smart discussion about it, but make sure that he listens to your points and UNDERSTAND you as you are willing to understand him, this will create harmony and mutual respect.

Also, if you want some more video suggestions Try these on youtube (these were my triggers ;P):

THE LIE WE LIVE:

Also Try "Racing Extinction", it's a Discovery Channel production and it's amazing. http://racingextinction.com/the-film/

These were my triggers, hopefully it can wake him up in some way!

Best luck!

 

[Tatyana]

I've kind of accepted the fact that he'll never change no matter what I show him or tell him, because he knows all the facts already. It seems strange to me, but I think it's good I've just learned to accept it. Anyway, thanks for the recommendations, I'll give them a watch myself sometime

 

[Eugenia Cole]

Hey my sis had same problem with her bf