Pre-Nups for Ordinary People

[Forster]

Premarital assets are already "protected" by state law in the event of a divorce. The only way they become marital or community property is if the owner gives the asset or part of the asset to his or her partner during the marriage.

As explained in the link I cited earlier, prenups are contracts that violate contract law by a) being coercive and b) lacking consideration.

I'm certainly no expert on all the state laws out there as they are a smorgasbord, what may be protected in one state isn't necessarily protected in another, nor can one foresee with certainty where one will ultimately end up living. If they do no "harm" because the premarital assets are already protected, what's the big deal in clarification to make sure both parties are on the same page?

As far as contract law, big deal. This is not a tit for tat type of "contract"/agreement, consideration is a mute issue unless one party is so egregiously harmed by the agreement it is thrown out. If it is "fair" and "equitable" it will be held up by most judges.

Also I thought shotgun weddings went out of style long ago so unless you can give me some examples of coercion when someone has the choice to marry or no, I ain't buying that argument. If one party says these are the terms I'm willing to marry you, take them or leave them does not coercion make.

 

[das_nut]

But the "risk" is this: having to abide by standard state divorce laws. As has already been explained, prenups will not protect against broken hearts, crazy people, or general bad luck.

No it won't. But it may protect old family property from being lost in a divorce (which happened to someone I know - they lost their family cabin).

 

[ElaineV]

As far as contract law, big deal. This is not a tit for tat type of "contract"/agreement, consideration is a mute issue unless one party is so egregiously harmed by the agreement it is thrown out.

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Side issue because it keeps coming up. The word is moot, not mute. I used to make the same mistake so it's a pet peeve of mine. Please don't take offense

 

[Forster]

Side issue because it keeps coming up. The word is moot, not mute. I used to make the same mistake so it's a pet peeve of mine. Please don't take offense

None taken, lol. I hate when I make grammar mistakes.

 

[mlp]

But the "risk" is this: having to abide by standard state divorce laws.

Side note: I don't think people realize the extent to which judge-tried disputes (such as divorces) are subject to the whims, vagaries and biases of the particular judge trying the case. It really makes a joke of the phrase "standard state divorce laws." Other than child support, which is now widely based on pure financial formulas, with little room for deviation by judges, there is a whole lot left up to the discretion of judges in those so-called "standard state divorce laws."

 

[MrsSchu2u]

Agreed. When I got married for the first time, I was 20. We both came to the table with nothing. At 32, when I remarried, there was much more to consider. We talked seriously about a pre-nup, but ultimately did not sign anything. I gladly would have though.

 

[ElaineV]

Side note: I don't think people realize the extent to which judge-tried disputes (such as divorces) are subject to the whims, vagaries and biases of the particular judge trying the case. It really makes a joke of the phrase "standard state divorce laws." Other than child support, which is now widely based on pure financial formulas, with little room for deviation by judges, there is a whole lot left up to the discretion of judges in those so-called "standard state divorce laws."

Fair point, and true of all family law.
However, judges can also toss out prenups.
Luckily, the majority of divorces don't go to court. Amazingly, most people are perfectly capable of settling disputes out of courtrooms.

 

[mlp]

Fair point, and true of all family law.
However, judges can also toss out prenups.
Luckily, the majority of divorces don't go to court. Amazingly, most people are perfectly capable of settling disputes out of courtrooms.

All divorces go to court - most cases, including most divorces, don't go to trial. (Only about five to ten percent of cases of all kinds go to trial.) Part of the reason is that it's such a ridiculously expensive process (settlingas late as the court date probably keeps your attorneys' fees from doubling), and part of the reason is that judges really don't want cases to go to trial and really push the parties hard to settle.

 

[ElaineV]

Although I don't think divorce is likely for my marriage, I simply trust my future self to be in a better position to determine what is fair and to advocate for my needs during divorce than my premarital self.

 

[Spang]

Ordinary meaning not famous or particularly wealthy.

As a famous person of immeasurable wealth, I take offense.

 

[das_nut]

Although I don't think divorce is likely for my marriage, I simply trust my future self to be in a better position to determine what is fair and to advocate for my needs during divorce than my premarital self.

And the almost certain loss to lawyer fees if your partner disagrees doesn't worry you?

 

[ElaineV]

And the almost certain loss to lawyer fees if your partner disagrees doesn't worry you?

No it doesn't. Also, I live in a desert and I don't have flood insurance.

 

[das_nut]

No it doesn't. Also, I live in a desert and I don't have flood insurance.

Are you trying to imply that a flood in a desert is about as likely as a divorce having lawyer fees?

Because I don't think that's the case. Unless you live in a dry wash.

 

[ElaineV]

Are you trying to imply that a flood in a desert is about as likely as a divorce having lawyer fees?
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no.

I'm saying my marriage didn't need a prenup just like my house doesn't need flood insurance.

 

[das_nut]

I wonder what percentage of people who got divorced never thought it would happen to them...

 

[ElaineV]

I wonder what percentage of people who got divorced never thought it would happen to them...

the more relevant questions are: how many people who wind up divorced would have benefited if they'd had a prenup? How many regret not getting a prenup? And How many who do get prenups would have been better off if they hadnt gotten a prenup?