Psychology The Narcissist vs. Your Self-Esteem

[Moll Flanders]

Not only that, but narcissists think that they set the rules, that they are an authority on absolutely everything and if you question them you deserve harsh punishment... they are deranged authoritarians.

Often they worship other authoritarians who are obviously corrupt. An example is the kind of people who would have admired Thatcher in the day, or fans of Donald Rumsfeld.

I think there can be different kinds and some narcissists are far worse than others. I did actually feel some pity for the manager I mentioned, even though she was a nightmare to be around. I was very happy when she was fired knowing that I would never have to see her again! I felt really sorry for her children as well.

What I find strange is that narcissists often have people fawning over them.

 

[Amy SF]

What I find strange is that narcissists often have people fawning over them.

When you feel marginalized and worthless, a narcissistic leader can make you feel like you're worth something. This is why Donald Trump attracts a lot of lower and working class white people. They see the country changing and leaving them behind, and they feel out of control. They want back the control that Trump promises them. He's got this image of being a successful businessman, and that's attractive to them. They dismiss any criticism of him as unwarranted because they don't want to see him as imperfect.

 

[Mischief]

IME, narcissists can be very charismatic, making themselves the center point of any gathering or any room.

 

[Moll Flanders]

I used to know a man that I knew for a fact was violent in his relationships, but he had a steady stream of girlfriends. It was unbelievable, to me anyway, that so many women would be impressed by his good looks/ charm and willing to ignore the fact he was abusive. I don't know if narcissists must sense weakness and target women that they think will be easily controlled? Or do some women just have such low self-esteem that they seek out an abuser? It reminded me of the women you read about that 'fall in love' with killers in prison.

It's not just women that are weak obviously, I'm sure it must happen with men as well, but most of the narcissists I've known have been heterosexual men.

 

[Freesia]

Im not sure.. I think that people who are accustomed to being abused seek it out later in life, in relationships... that would explain why narcisstic men are often so popular.

 

[MadamSarcastra]

Im not sure.. I think that people who are accustomed to being abused seek it out later in life, in relationships... that would explain why narcisstic men are often so popular.

(nods head emphatically) Yup. Ohhh, yes, indeed....

 

[Mischief]

Im not sure.. I think that people who are accustomed to being abused seek it out later in life, in relationships... that would explain why narcisstic men are often so popular.

Yes, people are "comfortable" with the familiar, even if the familiar is awful.

Also, predators are very good at sussing out the vulnerable

 

[Katrina]

I have trouble making friends with women because I am so worried that I will gravitate to an unhealthy friendship once again. I don't have this problem with men. I don't completely trust my judgement. I mean, it is better than before, but it's not easy to rip out subconscious thoughts/feelings/habits. I don't know if I fixed everything or not.

At some point I'm sure that I had a "I'm vulnerable" stamp on my forehead that attracted the wrong people. I don't know if it's there anymore.

 

[MadamSarcastra]

I have trouble making friends with women because I am so worried that I will gravitate to an unhealthy friendship once again. I don't have this problem with men. I don't completely trust my judgement. I mean, it is better than before, but it's not easy to rip out subconscious thoughts/feelings/habits. I don't know if I fixed everything or not.

At some point I'm sure that I had a "I'm vulnerable" stamp on my forehead that attracted the wrong people. I don't know if it's there anymore.

I feel ya there.... all of my best friends & room-mates have been guys. Any close friends who were chicks were mean or bullies or crazy or judgemental or catty or gossipy or competitive.... screw that sh*t.

I have ONE close friend (that I see in real life).... that's Jerry.

But I'd like to add that the gals I've met & come to know here on VV are so super cool!

I feel like I've been accepted into a secret club here.... which would never have happened in my youth, unless I created it. LOL

 

[shyvas]

I feel ya there.... all of my best friends & room-mates have been guys. Any close who were chicks were mean or bullies or crazy or catty & gossipy & competitive.... screw that sh*t.

You're lucky as I have never been able to have a male friend. They all wanted to pursue the relationship 'further'.

I find that it's easier having just one woman friend at a time. When lots of them get together that is when things
start to get as you say catty and gossipy.

 

[MadamSarcastra]

I've had a knack for hangin' with dudes, I guess.... from my pre-teens playin' in the leaves with the neighbor boys, to my being obsessed with skater dudes in early high school, to having a veritable gaggle of guys I hung out with constantly.. I think there were a dozen or so... totally felt safe...(they called themselves "Cat's Men"... Cat's my nickname).... I lived with three guys my 2nd semester at WMU.... the list goes on. Never had sex with any of 'em. We had awesome times. So much less phony than most chicks I knew.... I listened to killer music, didn't have to go to the damn mall or talk on the friggin' phone.... LMAO

Oh, my, and then there was when I sang with all male bands.... Oy vey.... I really need to concentrate on food right now....

 

[Katrina]

My friendships with men aren't very close. They used to be, when I hung out with a group full of mostly single men, but it's not the same anymore. I feel like now it is better to just hold male friends at a distance. Too much risk of a) someone developing feelings and/or b) the partner become suspicious or jealous for no reason. One of my male friends has fallen off the map, and I suspect it's because his gf is the jealous type.

 

[Freesia]

I like to have friends of both genders. Sometimes there are more males in my life sometime more women...

You're lucky as I have never been able to have a male friend. They all wanted to pursue the relationship 'further'.

Yes that sometimes happens with male/female friendships... I usually just let things happen... maybe I have a problem, I often ended up dating guys I was originally "friends" with. Hard to stay friends with some of them.

 

[KLS52]

My closest friends were always female. In high school I did have two male best friends and I have several male coworkers that I have pretty close bonds with. For me, there isn't much of a difference between male/female friendships. Don't be a jerk and I'll be your friend, lol.


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[shyvas]

I like to have friends of both genders. Sometimes there are more males in my life sometime more women...



Yes that sometimes happens with male/female friendships... I usually just let things happen... maybe I have a problem, I often ended up dating guys I was originally "friends" with. Hard to stay friends with some of them.

I can't do it. I really would like to have a male friend as the relationship is so different. Oh well...

 

[MadamSarcastra]

How Narcissism Hurts Us All

 

[Dedalus]

You're lucky as I have never been able to have a male friend.

...ahem. Say what???

Oh, my, and then there was when I sang with all male bands....

This needs a thread. Yesterday.

 

[MadamSarcastra]

This needs a thread. Yesterday.

Huh??

 

[Dedalus]

Huh??

You're a singer?? That rocks!

 

[MadamSarcastra]

You're a singer?? That rocks!

I was.... LOL