Unconditional Love

[shyvas]

This discussion was making me think whether I have anyone who loves me unconditionally and the being that comes the closest would be my dog Molly. She is obsessed with me as I have had her since she was a tiny puppy and I have spent almost every minute with her.

I'm not sure my other dog feels as strongly about me and my cats probably wouldn't even notice if I wasn't around as long as they were warm and fed.

It's funny that you mention this as I was thinking about the love we have for our pets. I was wondering for those of you that have more than one fur baby, do you have a special love for one of them ?

 

[das_nut]

Pets come closest to loving unconditionally. I could be accused of horrible acts, and the cats would still want to sit in my lap and be petted.

 

[Clueless Git]

Pets come closest to loving unconditionally. I could be accused of horrible acts, and the cats would still want to sit in my lap and be petted.

Whilst not wanting to malign your moggies in any way, das ..

You may be confusing unconditional love with total non-discernment there.

 

[das_nut]

Whilst not wanting to malign your moggies in any way, das ..

You may be confusing unconditional love with total non-discernment there.

Well, unconditional love is a lot easier when you are an ignorant, and compared to humans, most pets are ignorant.

 

[peacefulveglady]

Unconditional love is that you love someone no matter what they are doing in their lives, even tho your disappointed by what they are doing , you show love to them anyhow and be there anyhow… Like if a family member or friend is out doing drugs and drinking and partying and you are concerned about them , you should them unconditional love by being there for them and showing love anyway beyond their faults and things they are doing, unconditional love is looking over what the person is doing.. Conditional love is that these people have to earn the love from you by doing things for you and you put limitations on the love for them as unconditional love you don't have them earn, you love them without wanting anything in return.

 

[Poppy]

I'm pretty sure I feel unconditional love for my granddaughter. I'm totally besotted, feel no responsibility whatsoever to "raise her right", and I have no financial obligations to her. Heck, she's only a baby so I don't even know what kind of a person she will be, and yet I love her deeply and want to spend as much time as possible with her. I yearn to be with her. that seems to be pretty unconditional.

 

[Moll Flanders]

It's funny that you mention this as I was thinking about the love we have for our pets. I was wondering for those of you that have more than one fur baby, do you have a special love for one of them ?

I think it would be my oldest cat as she was the first animal I had as an adult. I got her just after I left uni so she will be 15 years old this year. She was also ill last year so I take special care of her.

 

[shyvas]

I think it would be my oldest cat as she was the first animal I had as an adult. I got her just after I left uni so she will be 15 years old this year. She was also ill last year so I take special care of her.

Poor mite. I also know what you mean about special attention and care that you give to a pet.

I'm also spoiling my pet and giving her all the love that she deserves as she is a gorgeous girl.

 

[KLS52]

It's funny that you mention this as I was thinking about the love we have for our pets. I was wondering for those of you that have more than one fur baby, do you have a special love for one of them ?

Definitely. Thor was, by far, my very favorite. I think, for me, that it's a personality thing. Thor was perfect in every way for 17 years and I really felt that he loved me. He sought me out whenever I was. He was sweet, gentle, loving. You could do anything to him and he would never lash out, even when it came to vet visits.

Sometimes I feel guilty, because I've always had multiple animals and I do feel differently towards each of them. I think that is ok as long as I treat them the same within the bounds of what they allow or want. Cybil is the oldest and longest living cat I've ever had. While she is compliant, she has never shown me an ounce of affection. That makes it hard to "love" her in the emotional sense. And I guess that sounds a bit selfish...like I can only love them based on what I get back in return. I will be sad when she dies but it will not be gut-wrenching the way it was with Thor and some of my other cats. Even Bogart, who I only had for one year, held a special place in my heart, and he was one tough dude. But at least he would elicit subtle ways, every now and then, that let me know that he at least liked me. Cybil is just different and doesn't seem to require human interaction.

 

[yakherder]

We can say we love someone unconditionally, and we can choose our actions as if we do. Whether or not we're actually capable of it varies from person to person, and since it's an emotion which we don't necessarily get to choose whether or not we actually have, I don't think a conclusion as to its rationality is possible. Whether as a result of nature or nurture, some of us are more capable of love than others.

I can count the number of people I love on one hand, and I can certainly imagine unrealistic scenarios in which that love could cease. I cannot therefore rationally call it unconditional, even though in all likelihood the feeling will remain.

I don't hate anyone, though. It's not a choice, I don't think I'm capable of it. That doesn't mean I'll tolerate them if they want to harm a loved one. I'll calmly remove them from this world while reassuring them that it's nothing personal, just a conflict of interests

 

[Dropkick]

My philosophy on love:
The essence of Love is when another person's well being and happiness is more important to you than your own.
There are varying degrees of love, and it can be blended with other feelings, but this is the heart of it.
True love is unconditional.
While romantic love can be unconditional it often isn't.
Familial love is the most common form of unconditional love.

I've experienced unconditional love and I continue to do so.
I can also love someone and not like them very much at the same time.
The love is unconditional the liking is not.

 

[veganchick]

I would say that love is conditional a least that has been my experience.

 

[Ann Chovie]

I would say that love is conditional a least that has been my experience.

It was my previous experience too but I am starting to understand how unconditional love works .

However, it is a new concept and it is not something I am used to receiving or giving . So applying it is proving harder
But I am learning !

 

[Ann Chovie]

Bad night , bad morning.. struggling and battling to concentrate on work and not blub after..

last night struggling and battling to find any words that will break the wall that my son has built around himself. I love him to the end of the world and back but I have provided him with unconditional love for years and years in the belief that eventually he would find his way and break out and back into the real world.

I realised last night that his wall is so high nothing I say or do will allow me to scale it . I can talk myself black and blue and nothing will change. But now as I lay down conditions I see the fear and the pain in his face but he never speaks a word. I feel wicked and uncaring but he gives me no choice but to finally lay down sanctions

I do not have anyone to talk to about this who comes from the same experience. No helplines, no support groups, no friends, no one I know who has a silent, agrophobic son of 22 living in their house . No one who really knows what this actually /exactly feels like as a parent. I feel lonely and alone with this senario without having someone to compare notes who knows just how this actually feels. Right here now, I feel like the only mother that messed up this bad , failed so badly that her son ended up here. I hate myself.

He didnt rob anyone, he didnt kill anyone, he is polite and funny and in the company of family chatty and warm. But he is also existing in his room, not contributing , not sharing and not changing. I have a duty to break this cycle but it is hurting me as much as him.

I am in turmoil today over the harsh words I said that are the ones hewill remember and wil have overshadowed the words that told him I love him.



All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

PINK FLOYD 'THE WALL'

 

[GingerFoxx]

Bad night , bad morning.. struggling and battling to concentrate on work and not blub after..

last night struggling and battling to find any words that will break the wall that my son has built around himself. I love him to the end of the world and back but I have provided him with unconditional love for years and years in the belief that eventually he would find his way and break out and back into the real world.

I realised last night that his wall is so high nothing I say or do will allow me to scale it . I can talk myself black and blue and nothing will change. But now as I lay down conditions I see the fear and the pain in his face but he never speaks a word. I feel wicked and uncaring but he gives me no choice but to finally lay down sanctions

I do not have anyone to talk to about this who comes from the same experience. No helplines, no support groups, no friends, no one I know who has a silent, agrophobic son of 22 living in their house . No one who really knows what this actually /exactly feels like as a parent. I feel lonely and alone with this senario without having someone to compare notes who knows just how this actually feels. Right here now, I feel like the only mother that messed up this bad , failed so badly that her son ended up here. I hate myself.

He didnt rob anyone, he didnt kill anyone, he is polite and funny and in the company of family chatty and warm. But he is also existing in his room, not contributing , not sharing and not changing. I have a duty to break this cycle but it is hurting me as much as him.

I am in turmoil today over the harsh words I said that are the ones hewill remember and wil have overshadowed the words that told him I love him.



All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

PINK FLOYD 'THE WALL'

I don't have personal experience with parenting, or agorophobia, but I do have first-hand experience with severe depression and I know how it is to isolate myself, even when consciously I know that may not be in my best interest. Your son's condition is medical, and I suspect it's neither one of your faults. If there are no local support groups, can you find an online community/forum for social disorders? What about insurance? Do you have a plan that covers mental health counseling, if not just for your son than for yourself? If your son is reluctant to be outwardly social, would he be comfortable with having more social interaction within the home? Small scale stuff like a dinner with a friend, as opposed to having to be out among a crowd of strangers, feeling anxious? As I said, I cannot speak to your SPECIFIC scenario (no one can) but I can tell you are beyond overwhelmed, so maybe there are answers and solutions to be found here by talking about it. Or at least, different ways to cope.

 

[Moll Flanders]

CBT can be effective in treating social anxiety, has he seen his GP about it? I know some GP's can be useless with MH conditions.

 

[Ann Chovie]

I don't have personal experience with parenting, or agorophobia, but I do have first-hand experience with severe depression and I know how it is to isolate myself, even when consciously I know that may not be in my best interest. Your son's condition is medical, and I suspect it's neither one of your faults. If there are no local support groups, can you find an online community/forum for social disorders? What about insurance? Do you have a plan that covers mental health counseling, if not just for your son than for yourself? If your son is reluctant to be outwardly social, would he be comfortable with having more social interaction within the home? Small scale stuff like a dinner with a friend, as opposed to having to be out among a crowd of strangers, feeling anxious? As I said, I cannot speak to your SPECIFIC scenario (no one can) but I can tell you are beyond overwhelmed, so maybe there are answers and solutions to be found here by talking about it. Or at least, different ways to cope.

Yes I am overwhelmed and thank you for your input I really appreciate it . I am desperate to know how it is from 'his side'.

 

[Ann Chovie]

CBT can be effective in treating social anxiety, has he seen his GP about it? I know some GP's can be useless with MH conditions.

Yes Moll I did take him last year, took me bloody m0nths to get him to agree to go to the GP then when we did he was useless and offensive. More or less accused my son of being a 'lead swinger' and told him he need not think he would get benefits if that was what he had come for! He told me he was not being judgemental and I said yes I think you clearly are and you do not understand depression as it obviously has not touched your life. We left with me crying in frustration and feeling guilty for putting my son through it when I had promised him help.

I have put him in twice for referral to MIND but he refuses to go and says he will 'cure himself' .

 

[Moll Flanders]

I have put him in twice for referral to MIND but he refuses to go and says he will 'cure himself' .

Wow, the GP sounded appalling. Someone very close to me works for MIND so I would recommend them but he has to want to go obviously.

 

[Ann Chovie]

Wow, the GP sounded appalling. Someone very close to me works for MIND so I would recommend them but he has to want to go obviously.

This is the problem Moll, they cannot force him to seek help. You can lead a horse to water....