Vegan wedding-family doesn't understand

[Veda]

Hi all,

I'm puzzled. Me and my partner have been vegans for 3 years now. His family has been very supportive albeit surprised. Mine, having come from a different country, lifestyle, and culture, not so much. I have been ridiculed, interrogated, and it hurt.
We've been engaged for 2 years now and the wedding just hasn't happened yet. And the reason is partially because I can't decide about food.

I have done things differently my whole life and I always felt my family merely tolerated my quirks. Veganism is just one of them.
My partner and I wanted a completely vegan wedding. On his side, people are understanding, and my side is moaning. It's like they can't imagine one meal, of one day in their life to not have animal products in it. I just can't anymore.
I never had an argument with them about this. I told them this is what I wanted, and it's the one day when it's about ME. But I'm tired.

I guess I don't know who to turn to to get some level headed advice.
I don't want to kill to have a peaceful wedding.
Although they would all accommodate us if it was their wedding. There would always be a vegan option.
But I guess that's different, because I can't have anything from their food but they can from mine! And mine doesn't hurt anyone in the making.

I don't know how to resolve this problem. I'm done being lectured at. But I'm done fighting.

Please if you can't reply to this thread with compassion and understanding don't even bother. These people are my family and I had enough hostility. I would really appreciate a level headed, fair, kind and supportive response.

Veda

 

[Lou]

I would tell them to put up or shut up.

 

[silva]

Are they paying for your reception?

"Although they would all accommodate us if it was their wedding. There would always be a vegan option.
But I guess that's different, because I can't have anything from their food but they can from mine! And mine doesn't hurt anyone in the making."

I've never, ever, known any person who was a true carnivore. If someone has a food allergy, by all means keep that food out! I doubt anyone would complain that because of so-and-so they couldn't have peanuts, or bread!

It's wonderful that you are thoughtful of your family, it's quite troublesome that they don't oblige.

Are you going to confer with them on where you chose to live? How you decorate? What you name you children?
This is your wedding. It isn't about them

 

[silva]

What does your fiance think this? If it were me, I would run!

 

[Mischief]

Time your wedding so that the reception is in the middle of the afternoon, and then serve tea and coffee (and champagne if you like) with a dessert buffet.

People are generally less freaked out by vegan desserts than full vegan meals..

If you want a full meal at your reception, go with something that is "naturally" vegan, such as pasta with sauteed seasonal vegetables.

 

[Veda]

What does your fiance think this? If it were me, I would run!

I asked him this he says he loves me too much.

 

[Veda]

Time your wedding so that the reception is in the middle of the afternoon, and then serve tea and coffee (and champagne if you like) with a dessert buffet.

People are generally less freaked out by vegan desserts than full vegan meals..

If you want a full meal at your reception, go with something that is "naturally" vegan, such as pasta with sauteed seasonal vegetables.

You know, that is a very good idea. I have no idea why it never occured to us!

 

[David3]

Hi Veda, your name sounds Indian Desi. Is your family originally from India? Doesn’t India have a rich heritage of vegetarian cuisine?

 

[Veda]

Hi Veda, your name sounds Indian Hindu. Is your family originally from India? Doesn’t India have a rich heritage of vegetarian cuisine?

Hi David, actually, my username is my first name and second name merged, I'm actually from Eastern Europe (Hungary). Land of goulash, and people who eat everything with sour cream.

 

[David3]

Hi David, actually, my username is my first name and second name merged, I'm actually from Eastern Europe (Hungary). Land of goulash, and people who eat everything with sour cream.

The Follow Your Heart company makes vegan sour cream. I’ve never tried it, but that company’s vegan cheese is quite good.

 

[Michael UK]

It's hard to understand why this is even an issue. Even in the days when I ate meat it didn't bother me to have meals without it; as long as a meal was tasty it was fine. As you say, it's your day, just have the wedding of your dreams, lay on the food that you want (I don't even see a reason why you should mention that it's vegan), invite who you want and if they don't accept the invitation well, c'est la vie.

My wife and I got married over 30 years ago, and looking back we did far too much to please other people to the detriment of what we actually wanted, and in fact we didn't really enjoy the day as a result. Frankly with hindsight we would have done things very differently - don't waste the opportunity to do things the way you want.

 

[Emma JC]

welcome to the forum @Veda

You have been given some great ideas. You didn't answer the question as to who is paying for it?

If you are paying yourselves then you can serve anything that you like...

If your parents are paying then I would show them how much less it will cost them if you keep it vegan....

The pasta idea is an awesome one and when you combine it with breads, salads, appetizers like olives, pickles, pickled veggies etc most won't even notice it is vegan.

I am almost positive that we would all love to help you plan the menu....


Emma JC

 

[silva]

My very very best advice is to stop caring so much about how other people will feel about a day that is about NO ONE else but you and your partner!
Let it GO.
You can't determine how others will feel no matter how hard you try, and the more you think is under your control the worse you will feel.
You can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself!

Question--what would be worse? Giving up what is truly special to you and your fiance and still not pleasing others, or, having the day you marry the one you love be the most joyous day to remember?

You can always let your family have a separate celebration if it means that much to them

 

[silva]

When I think of the crappy foods I've had at weddings .

 

[Veda]

welcome to the forum @Veda

You have been given some great ideas. You didn't answer the question as to who is paying for it?

If you are paying yourselves then you can serve anything that you like...

If your parents are paying then I would show them how much less it will cost them if you keep it vegan....

The pasta idea is an awesome one and when you combine it with breads, salads, appetizers like olives, pickles, pickled veggies etc most won't even notice it is vegan.

I am almost positive that we would all love to help you plan the menu....


Emma JC

Hi Emma, we would be paying for the entirety of the wedding, including food.
I totally agree with you just so puzzled as to why everyone doesn't see it this way.

We planned the wedding for this summer but I wanted to postpone it, and now we're having it next summer.
I'm new to this forum so I'm not sure how long the threads remain open, but I'll be sure to post again a little nearer to it in regards to the menu, we could all put out ideas, it would be so cool!

 

[Veda]

My very very best advice is to stop caring so much about how other people will feel about a day that is about NO ONE else but you and your partner!
Let it GO.
You can't determine how others will feel no matter how hard you try, and the more you think is under your control the worse you will feel.
You can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself!

Question--what would be worse? Giving up what is truly special to you and your fiance and still not pleasing others, or, having the day you marry the one you love be the most joyous day to remember?

You can always let your family have a separate celebration if it means that much to them

Thank you for your support. I really needed to hear these. It's much appreciated! I was actually close to call it all off and just have it all in a registry office, but no. I'm going to brace this and I'm going to go through it with as much love as I can!

 

[silva]

Thank you for your support. I really needed to hear these. It's much appreciated! I was actually close to call it all off and just have it all in a registry office, but no. I'm going to brace this and I'm going to go through it with as much love as I can!

 

[shyvas]

This reminds me of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall River Cottage Veg TV series where they
aired a vegetarian wedding. It was a huge success with all of the guests as the dishes were tasty and looked appetising. Hugh
only cooks using produce that is grown in his garden.

You can see some of the photos in the first link. If I rightly remember
the menu was vegan except for perhaps the wedding cake.

It included crudités with various types of hummous, vegetable pizza,
vegetable soup, baby beetroot tart tatin, mushroom ragout with soft polenta. Lemon & elderflower cake is
very popular these days and very easy to make. I make it without the extra frosting as it really doesn't need it
except for when making it for a special occasion.

I have posted a few links with the vegetarian recipes where some of the ingredients are can easily be
substituted with plant bases ones.

Perhaps the links and photos will give you some inspiration.

“Our wedding was inspired by the pretty, relaxed and informal feel of our venue, River Cottage. I am vegetarian and River Cottage Veg Every Day! (River Cottage Every Day)
is our favourite cook book, the spine has literally fallen off. We wanted an outdoor ceremony, something small and personal and looked into River Cottage early on but were concerned it would be difficult being out of London.”


A Pretty and Relaxed River Cottage Wedding

Recipes > Veg | River Cottage

Baby Beetroot Tarte Tatin Recipe - Lifestyle

Mushroom Ragout with Soft Polenta - Lifestyle

Recipes > Veg | River Cottage

Royal Lemon and Elderflower Cake | PETA UK

 

[Veda]

This reminds me of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall River Cottage Veg TV series where they
aired a vegetarian wedding. It was a huge success with all of the guests as the dishes were tasty and looked appetising. Hugh
only cooks using produce that is grown in his garden.

You can see some of the photos in the first link. If I rightly remember
the menu was vegan except for perhaps the wedding cake.

It included crudités with various types of hummous, vegetable pizza,
vegetable soup, baby beetroot tart tatin, mushroom ragout with soft polenta. Lemon & elderflower cake is
very popular these days and very easy to make. I make it without the extra frosting as it really doesn't need it
except for when making it for a special occasion.

I have posted a few links with the vegetarian recipes where some of the ingredients are can easily be
substituted with plant bases ones.

Perhaps the links and photos will give you some inspiration.

“Our wedding was inspired by the pretty, relaxed and informal feel of our venue, River Cottage. I am vegetarian and River Cottage Veg Every Day! (River Cottage Every Day)
is our favourite cook book, the spine has literally fallen off. We wanted an outdoor ceremony, something small and personal and looked into River Cottage early on but were concerned it would be difficult being out of London.”


A Pretty and Relaxed River Cottage Wedding

Recipes > Veg | River Cottage

Baby Beetroot Tarte Tatin Recipe - Lifestyle

Mushroom Ragout with Soft Polenta - Lifestyle

Recipes > Veg | River Cottage

Royal Lemon and Elderflower Cake | PETA UK

These look delicious thank you for drawing my attention to them!
"We wanted an outdoor ceremony, something small and personal"
That sounds amazing!!

 

[shyvas]

These look delicious thank you for drawing my attention to them!
"We wanted an outdoor ceremony, something small and personal"
That sounds amazing!!

I tried to find the series on YT but in vain. I do remember seeing it when his Veg show was aired and the wedding
seemed quite spectacular. All the guests seemed to have fun as it was quite laid back.

The food including the nibbles, drinks and main courses looked delicious and quite substantial. Hugh certainly
has a knack when it comes to pairing food and his recipes are very original.