Why is veganism making me feel lonely

[green-sophie]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[Andy_T]

Hartenlijk welkom, Sophie!

I can feel your pain. While my wife of 20 years also tries her best to accomodate my strange, extremist veganism, and cooks vegan dishes for me when she is cooking, she, of course, also keeps complaining that I "take all the fun out of eating" for her. And that's after me having been a vegan since 2010 now, not newly converted. (Before that I did not eat meat, but, like most vegetarians, copious amounts of dairy and eggs)

However, I have to say that in that time, I saw incredible change, and veganism seems to be close to becoming an accepted choice now, if not necessarily mainstream, I am afraid. Keep fighting the good fight, and don't lose hope and faith. People will get used to it.

 

[Emma JC]

Welcome to the forum and I am sorry for your pain and frustration.

For various other reasons, now including veganism, I have felt like an outsider in my family for years and years. I handle it by limiting my in person time with them and do lots of talking by phone, email, etc. When I have spent time with them they have been extremely accommodating and understanding so I am very lucky there, but those in person visits are few and far between.

Do you live at home still?

One of the suggestions that has worked for many is that you offer to do some of the cooking and make them amazing meals, snacks etc that are vegan and yet delicious. If you don't live at home and can limit your meal time interactions that may help.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[Lou]

Hi everyone,

Welcome to the forum

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years.

Congrats!

I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding.

This is pretty typical for new vegans. I'll get into some concrete suggestions at the end of my post.

My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration.

Question: is his visible frustration with you? or maybe its with this "someone"
Don't assume. Ask him. It also is a good thing to discuss with him

I don't want my family to find me diffucult.

make your best efforts to not be difficult. That is the only thing in your control.

I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand.

Well, we, the VF understand. You can vent all you want here. we are a sympathetic bunch. But you might want to explain why you chose veganism to people. You don't have to but its IMHO that part of being a vegan is being an advocate (as much as you are comfortable with). And its not that difficult a concept. Depending on the situation, sometimes just one sentence sums it up.
I sort of change my sentence on a regular basis. Lately when someone asks me why I'm vegan I will reply, I can't figure out why dogs are not eaten but cows are, can you? But that can also start an argument so maybe leave out the question at the end.

I want my loved ones to support me.

Of course.
Well based on my own observations this is not always the case but I'm pretty sure that "loved ones" are supposed to support you - no matter what.

Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

yes of course.

ok, there may be other good solutions but my favorite is education. Learning about others in your situation and what they did is really a big help. Also understanding why you feel this way and why others feel their way is a great way to reduce the tension.

There are a number of authors I can recommend but I'll start with my old stand-by. I've recommended Dr. Melanie Joy more times than I can count here at the VF. BTW Joy is a sociologist. She has a book,
Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows.
If you haven't read it, buy it, read it. or take it out from the library.
Dr. Joy also has a lot of videos, including a TED talk on YouTube.
She also gives a lot of interview that you can listen to or watch.
You can go to YouTube and just search for her.

BTW, her book came out of her doctoral dissertation. She coined the word "Carnism".

The second and last author (for now) is Colleen's Patrick Goudreau.
She has written many books but the one that I would put on my Vegan 101 required reading list is the Joyful Vegan. She also has a YouTube presence but even better she has a weekly podcast. Its titled Food For Thought. and it can be found where ever you get your podcasts.

I used to listen to her podcast in the car on my commute. She has a very soothing voice and her podcasts are full of all kinds of good information. She has a positive attitude and a good "reasonableness" in regard to veganism. it was nice to start the day with something so positive.

Both books have been translated into several languages.

 

[Flutur]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

Let’s go to find out where from is coming the word vegan or vegetarian?!… in the beginning it was called “Fast “ and it was said by God for first people Adam and Eva in Eden.

The fast has many benefits.
I am man 54 old, I am vegetarian because I have problem with my heart, and I try every day to be a good follower of God’ commands.

 

[Tom L.]

Welcome, @green-sophie !

This might be a dumb question, and if it is, I apologize- but: Do your family and friends know why you're moving on to veganism after being vegetarian for quite some time? Vegetarianism has been around for decades now, at least in my area, but veganism is still thought to be a bit "out there". However, if they're clear on the underlying rationale for veganism, maybe they won't be so frustrated and/or annoyed.

I think it helps to have two answers if someone asks you why you're not eating something: a simple, short one, and a more detailed one if they wish to discuss it further.

 

[Rory17]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

Sigh. It can be difficult when non-vegans don’t understand. However, please try to feel confident that you made the right choice in going vegan. One thing to bare in mind is, if you were to go back to being non-vegan, they most certainly wouldn’t be the victims. They would probably be relieved. But the animals would be the victims. They would suffer cruelty and exploitation and straight-up murder on your behalf once again. It is not right to make an immoral decision because of the wrong actions and pressure of those who don’t understand. To do so would be selfish.
Have you tried getting them to watch documentaries like “Live and Let Live”, “Cowspiracy” and “What the Health” (whether with or without your being there)? You could also point them in the direction of this forum. The vegans on here could help to veg-ucate them (!) If I ever knew about any post of there’s regarding this matter, I could try to veg-ucate them (!)

 

[g0rph]

I can totally relate.
I am in my 50s, and only recently (May) went vegan. My family are not, although my youngest is tryig and has given up meat at least.
I think the main problem is that once you have realised just how horrible the meat, dairy and egg industries are, you kind of expect others to fall in line...And they don't.
It is very much a "Matrix" red-pill event in life. Or even a Siddhārtha Gautama moment...You suddenly feel enlightened, whilst those around you are not.
And that's how to look at it. They are not bad people, or evil. They are simply slaves to the system, as most of us once were.
Some will never come around, and that's how it is. You need to compartmentalise...People are good or bad in different ways... Be yourself, spread the word, feel good about your own actions...Do not ever let it get you down. There will always be evil in the world, and in not being a part of it, you are helping. But no one person alone will ever stop it. Just accept that and let that fact give you strength, not stress.

 

[vegan89]

You're not alone. And veganism does not need to be lonely. There are lots of other vegans out there. I would suggest finding some vegan friends.

 

[VeganRachel]

Over 95% of human animals in the world think it is perfectly normal and natural to eat the dead. Yes vegan can get lonely!.
Most humans do not see animals as sentient beings, they have a relationships with their carcass, thats' it. Have you told
them specifically WHY you are kind and compassionate to animals?. Other people can be annoying, but they could try and
work in a slaughterhouse for a day, that would be an eye-opener. I have always put the animals first, not my palate. I also
did not care what other humans thought, they are unaware and uneducated about animal suffering so they eat them.
Would they watch video's by Dr. Greger, Klaper, Esselstyn, Mills, Barnard? many of these are wonderful on Youtube.
Do you have a dog or cat? how would they feel if you cooked a dog or cat and offered it to them as a meal?. That may work.
Can you help them by taking them to a farm sanctuary so they can meet animals?. Show them video's, like "Dairy
is Scary" by Erin on youtube (or her other videos), and even the graphic "Earthlings" (if they can get through watching it).
Humans are cut off from what animals really experience, they are killed behind closed doors. Many humans really don't care
or what to know the truth. Eating the dead is a habitual addiction, its' like a DRUG. cheers.

 

[David3]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

.
Hi sophie,

There are at least 3 vegan get-together social groups in the Netherlands, where you can meet other vegans in person:

Veg*n meetup (Amsterdam, Netherlands)

Whether you're a vegetarian, vegan, are someone just interested in eating less meat, come join the group to meet others with similar views.Let's explore nice restaurants, have potlucks, exchange recip

www.meetup.com

Vegan Eindhoven (Eindhoven, Netherlands)

This group is for Vegans, Vegetarians and anyone interested in an animal-friendly lifestyle in the city of Eindhoven. We organize monthly Vegan Dinners at Eindhoven restaurants & occasional vegan even

www.meetup.com

Vegan Entrepreneurs The Netherlands (Amsterdam, Netherlands)

The vegan entrepreneurs network is dedicated to people who are hungry for change. We are a community of passionate entrepreneurs, vegan startup founders and people with an entrepreneurial mindset want

www.meetup.com

 

[Melissa_Davis6]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

Don't give up on yourself!
I was in the same boat for a while until magically my boyfriend went vegan and so did his mom and sister.
My family on the other hand is not so understanding but I pretty much just ignore them or sometimes I remind them that they are harming innocent animals, not me.

 

[Lou]

Don't give up on yourself!
I was in the same boat for a while until magically my boyfriend went vegan and so did his mom and sister.
My family on the other hand is not so understanding but I pretty much just ignore them or sometimes I remind them that they are harming innocent animals, not me.

I want to hear more about how you magic-ed your boyfriend and his family. Did you use a spell or some kind of evocation?

 

[VeganRachel]

Hartenlijk welkom, Sophie!

I can feel your pain. While my wife of 20 years also tries her best to accomodate my strange, extremist veganism, and cook vegan dishes for me when she is cooking, she, of course, also keeps complaining that I "take all the fun out of eating" for her. And that's after me having been a vegan since 2010 now, not newly converted.

However, I have to say that in that time, I saw incredible change, and veganism seems to be close to becoming an accepted choice now, if not necessarily mainstream, I am afraid. Keep fighting the good fight, and don't lose hope and faith. People will get used to it.

Hi there. Congrats on your ethical and moral choice. I also made the same choice over 25 years ago and I am grateful I did.
To an omnivore human perhaps you are a strange extremist vegan. However, to me you are a free thinker, compassionate,
caring, normal, and where other humans should be. Early humanity was strict vegetarian and then this was corrupted by
satanic agenda's which included teaching us to eat the blood suffering and death of animals.
You are my hero.

 

[VeganRachel]

I can totally relate.
I am in my 50s, and only recently (May) went vegan. My family are not, although my youngest is tryig and has given up meat at least.
I think the main problem is that once you have realised just how horrible the meat, dairy and egg industries are, you kind of expect others to fall in line...And they don't.
It is very much a "Matrix" red-pill event in life. Or even a Siddhārtha Gautama moment...You suddenly feel enlightened, whilst those around you are not.
And that's how to look at it. They are not bad people, or evil. They are simply slaves to the system, as most of us once were.
Some will never come around, and that's how it is. You need to compartmentalise...People are good or bad in different ways... Be yourself, spread the word, feel good about your own actions...Do not ever let it get you down. There will always be evil in the world, and in not being a part of it, you are helping. But no one person alone will ever stop it. Just accept that and let that fact give you strength, not stress.

Agreed, and congrats on your decision. I became vegan many years ago and did expect others to fall in line. They did not.
You say slaves to the system, yes, and also addicts to repeating habits over and over. The industry makes it easy for us to
continue eating the dead, they hide the truth behind closed doors, and take the head (and often feet) off animal bodies
so they do not look whole. Cheers.

 

[VeganRachel]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

This is a bit off-topic, however, Yeshua was a radical, free-thinker, AND AN OUTSIDER. It takes courage to be vegan, find a way to meet
others and socialize. Somehow, I have managed to be vegan for over 30 years, and I admit, lonely at times. However, I believe in what
I am doing and am an "ex" omnivore.

 

[veganfortheanimalss]

Please don't give up veganism in whatever you do. Talk to your loved ones logically, I'm sure they will understand.

 

[Sherry Marcini]

I’m sorry you feel lonely and not supported. I have not felt this even though I am surrounded by meat lovers. I happily bring my own food (usually similar to what others are eating) and I don’t judge them and I eat my delicious food knowing that I am doing what works for me. Society teaches us to to sensitive to what is “normal” and makes us also feel badly about it. I would urge you to have confidence in your decision to eat as you choose to eat. Everyone else is choosing to eat what they eat, aren’t they? Everyone around you. Be like them. Believe in your choice. Let the others feel as they do, whatever that may be. Show them that you are able to handle any situation with confidence and grace.

 

[mimulus]

Yes being vegan can be a lonely experience l have been vegan 30yrs so l know. Its not so much food or family with me as finding vegan friends. I wasn't particularly close to my family before being vegan. People will tell me there're lots of vegans if so where are they hiding? The majority of vegan facebook groups l have joined seem obsessed with food. No socialising apart from meals out and those are rare Even before covid social events were few. There would be a couple of vegan fairs but that was all about spending money l didn't have. Sadly some will take your choosing to be vegan badly. Other will not try to understand or care. That's how people are and family's are not always supportive even though we expect to be.

 

[Second Summer]

I come from a small-ish place where veganism is rare. So, I can absolutely relate.

Being the only vegan in every social situation was becoming depressing. And there was little hope that this was going to change. I would have thought some of my close friends might at least try vegetarianism, but no.

So, in the end, I moved away. In fact, I emigrated to another country and got married to someone who is vegan! Now we also have a daughter who is vegan.

However, I still don't really have any vegan friends

At least I have this forum!