Why is veganism making me feel lonely

[Andy_T]

However, I still don't really have any vegan friends

Pro tip: Before having any vegan friends, you first have to have friends at all.

Just kidding, but I myself am not what I guess to not really be a "people person", so I have very few people I would consider friends.
Amazingly, some people I only know virtually on the internet seem to be closer to me than others I have known for a long time.

I definitely feel a very similar feeling to @Emma JC 's earlier post about often feeling like an outsider.
And I am also quite convinced that this contributed to me "rejecting common sense" in the form of eating dead animals, and later all animal products.

 

[Second Summer]

Pro tip: Before having any vegan friends, you have to have friends at all. ;-)

You're not wrong!

I'm not far from the "total introvert" end of the spectrum, which doesn't help.

 

[shyvas]

I come from a small-ish place where veganism is rare. So, I can absolutely relate.

Being the only vegan in every social situation was becoming depressing. And there was little hope that this was going to change. I would have thought some of my close friends might at least try vegetarianism, but no.

So, in the end, I moved away. In fact, I emigrated to another country and got married to someone who is vegan! Now we also have a daughter who is vegan.

However, I still don't really have any vegan friends

At least I have this forum!

The only vegan friends and pals that I have, are all in Brighton.

 

[Tom L.]

@Second Summer Quite a few years ago, before I retired, my workplace was offering a number of personal development seminars, and one of them delved into different personality types (Myers-Briggs); you might be familiar with it. I suppose M-B has its uses; I liked it and thought it was useful, but some have criticized it, and that's OK with me.

Anyhow. One of the traits it looks at is introversion / extroversion- and I wasn't surprized at all to find I can lean toward either one, depending on the circumstance or my mood at the moment. I've never even met you in person, so I can't say... but you don't seem that introverted. Just yesterday I was talking to someone who worked in my agency, and I mentioned that although I generally like people, they can be awfully complicated to deal with!

 

[shyvas]

Just yesterday I was talking to someone who worked in my agency, and I mentioned that although I generally like people, they can be awfully complicated to deal with!

Agree.

 

[KLS52]

[

Anyhow. One of the traits it looks at is introversion / extroversion- and I wasn't surprized at all to find I can lean toward either one, depending on the circumstance or my mood at the moment. I've never even met you in person, so I can't say... but you don't seem that introverted. Just yesterday I was talking to someone who worked in my agency, and I mentioned that although I generally like people, they can be awfully complicated to deal with!

I'm finding as I age, my tolerance for people and their different personalities is waning. I'm choosing to spend time by myself over socializing with friends.

I think part of the problem is that I moved in 2020 and had to start over. Covid delayed my "getting out there" too. Joining the senior connection was probably the best thing I did. I can join in on certain activities that don't require me to be overly social. It's the conversation that I struggle with. So crafting, cooking, line dancing etc. make it easier. Sometimes I stress out about walking on Wednesday mornings because I don't know who will show up and who I will end up having to walk with/talk to. I'm not sure what that is about.

Anyway, back on topic, I'm struggling more and more lately with being the only vegan in social situations. It doesn't help that one new "friend" in particular treats me like I'm the problem child, even though I never make a fuss when we go out to eat and always make do with whatever is on the menu. She will point me out and make me the focus of the situation and I hate it. She's starting to get on my last nerve.

 

[PTree15]

...
Anyway, back on topic, I'm struggling more and more lately with being the only vegan in social situations. It doesn't help that one new "friend" in particular treats me like I'm the problem child, even though I never make a fuss when we go out to eat and always make do with whatever is on the menu. She will point me out and make me the focus of the situation and I hate it. She's starting to get on my last nerve.

I have a couple of friends who do the same, looking at me as the problem child when we go out. They know that I always do just fine, and I have repeatedly said that I'm more interested in the company than the food, so it's not an issue for me. But they still bring it up, and yes, it gets on my nerves as well.

 

[silva]

I'm finding as I age, my tolerance for people and their different personalities is waning. I'm choosing to spend time by myself over socializing with friends.

I think part of the problem is that I moved in 2020 and had to start over. Covid delayed my "getting out there" too. Joining the senior connection was probably the best thing I did. I can join in on certain activities that don't require me to be overly social. It's the conversation that I struggle with. So crafting, cooking, line dancing etc. make it easier. Sometimes I stress out about walking on Wednesday mornings because I don't know who will show up and who I will end up having to walk with/talk to. I'm not sure what that is about.

Anyway, back on topic, I'm struggling more and more lately with being the only vegan in social situations. It doesn't help that one new "friend" in particular treats me like I'm the problem child, even though I never make a fuss when we go out to eat and always make do with whatever is on the menu. She will point me out and make me the focus of the situation and I hate it. She's starting to get on my last nerve.

Why silence that nerve? She sounds awful!

I keep trying to talk myself into social stuff but I just can't
I also have little tolerance for those I dislike, and while I get along with everyone at work, I now am often helping the welder who has a very, very, different outlook on life! It's draining

 

[wildr0se2]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

I hear you. I am a newer vegan and have had a few slip ups because of how much pressure I was putting on myself, and worrying about how others felt. I don't think you're difficult. I think you are staying true to your values and that is hard to do in a world where we are prone to seeking validation from people. Think of veganism as a journey, instead of an end result.

 

[fakei]

Our conscience is always with us from birth to death, friends and relatives will not necessarily be there.

 

[VeganRachel]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a vegan after being a vegetarian for years. I have a hard time with social situations and dealing with a lot of mis-understanding. My boyfriend and my parents don't understand and they find it annoying. My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration. My mother doesn't understand it at all and I notice from all the people around me that they think it is a big hassle.

What bothers me most is that a choice that i so logical, good and obvious to me makes me also feel lonely. I feel like an outsider.

Lately I feel depressed more often and lie awake a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way… I don't want my family to find me diffucult. I dont'a want to explain my situation to someone who does not understand. I want my loved ones to support me. Sometimes I think about giving up veganism, if this loneliness is what it takes...

Can anyone relate to this?

Weigh your values against your sacrifices.
Welcome to the club.
Bring your own food, call restaurants in advance, adapt.
It TAKES COURAGE TO BE AN OUTSIDER AND FREE-THINKER.

 

[Andy_T]

My boyfriend does his best to support me, but when someone talks about 'Sophie the vegan' during a dinner, I notice his frustration.

Yeah, and the moment we reply to that person with « I hear you, John the corpse-muncher! », WE are the « rude » ones….