Why should married women change their names?

[ledboots]

I think the couple should just choose what is best for their family. I thought it was easier to change my name so our children and we would have the same surname.

 

[Mel]

I may have already posted in this thread, but I am not sure. My husband and I BOTH changed our names. We both wanted to have the same name but we both wanted to have the other's name and our own. It works for us, and I'm not the only one who has to deal with a hyphenated name.

The clerk at the DMV had never heard of such a thing and had to ask a supervisor if my husband was allowed to have the combined name on his driver's license. Of course he is allowed, the judge told us so when we got married. He specifically said to us that by law, the husband can also change his name if he wants to.

 

[shyvas]

I may have already posted in this thread, but I am not sure. My husband and I BOTH changed our names. We both wanted to have the same name but we both wanted to have the other's name and our own. It works for us, and I'm not the only one who has to deal with a hyphenated name.

The clerk at the DMV had never heard of such a thing and had to ask a supervisor if my husband was allowed to have the combined name on his driver's license. Of course he is allowed, the judge told us so when we got married. He specifically said to us that by law, the husband can also change his name if he wants to.

That is original and perfectly logic when you come to think of it.

 

[Andy_T]

I think it starts to get interesting when two children from families with hyphenated names want to get married.
Would that lead to a 4-word hyphenated name?

I guess we are moderately conservative in that issue - I kept my name, and my wife hyphenated her name to mine. We both thought that my German name, hyphenated with my wifes Chinese name in front would have sounded a bit strange (Stranger than my wifes Chinese name, hyphenated with mine in front, as the law only allows to put your partners name in front of your own, so that husband and wife would have the same double name, but in different order).

Our kids have my name only.

 

[Second Summer]

I don't like this changing surname business. Won't anyone think of the poor genealogists?!

But seriously, let's consider the following type of arguments:Changing your surname leads to confusion. It can be seen as suspicious, as if you have something to hide. It can also be perceived as evidence of a weak character who can't cope with a name their forefathers and foremothers bore with pride, even if it was difficult to spell, and even if it meant "silly person's butt" in French. It could also be perceived as disrespectful to your ancestors.

 

[Andy_T]

Hi Indian Summer,

so what do you suggest?

That both persons keep their name?

I actually like the Spanish way.

Here, a woman does not change her name after marriage, but rather adds her husbands name after her own with the preposition "de".

Let's say, if a lady called Anna Morales would marry someone called Francisco Moreno, then she would call herself henceforth Anna Morales de Moreno.

To make matters more interesting, if they have a son called Manuel, he will be called Manuel Moreno Morales (taking both the fathers and the mothers surnames, with the fathers name coming first).

(In reality, in the example before, the father and the mother would already have a double surname, e.g. the mother would be called Anna Morales Jimenez, and the father would be called Francisco Moreno Garcia. However, only the first of these names (the fathers name) would be taken over to the child).

Best regards,
Andy

 

[KLS52]

I'm so old it never occurred to me to not change my name to my husband's. It's just what you did. I like that there are options now.

I do find it a little comical that I refuse to ever sign my name as Mrs. (Husband's first name) (Husband's last name). I guess I have a little rebel in me.

Example:

Anna Jones marries John Smith...becomes Anna Smith. Sometimes will sign name or be addressed as Mrs. John Smith. Boooo.

I go so far as to buck all proper etiquette and formality and sign/address correspondence as
Anna and John Smith.

Ha.

 

[Second Summer]

Hi Indian Summer,

so what do you suggest?

That both persons keep their name?

Yes!

I actually like the Spanish way.

Here, a woman does not change her name after marriage, but rather adds her husbands name after her own with the preposition "de".

Let's say, if a lady called Anna Morales would marry someone called Francisco Moreno, then she would call herself henceforth Anna Morales de Moreno.

That's better, but it's not what I would call equality between the genders.

I think children should be able to choose between their parents' surnames. The mother's, the father's or a combination.

 

[shyvas]

I'm so old it never occurred to me to not change my name to my husband's. It's just what you did. I like that there are options now.

I do find it a little comical that I refuse to ever sign my name as Mrs. (Husband's first name) (Husband's last name). I guess I have a little rebel in me.

Example:

Anna Jones marries John Smith...becomes Anna Smith. Sometimes will sign name or be addressed as Mrs. John Smith. Boooo.

I go so far as to buck all proper etiquette and formality and sign/address correspondence as
Anna and John Smith.

Ha.

Yes a big BOOOOOO. I find this riduculous. Have you ever heard of a man called Mr Anna Smith ?

 

[Moll Flanders]

I guess we are moderately conservative in that issue - I kept my name, and my wife hyphenated her name to mine. We both thought that my German name, hyphenated with my wifes Chinese name in front would have sounded a bit strange (Stranger than my wifes Chinese name, hyphenated with mine in front, as the law only allows to put your partners name in front of your own, so that husband and wife would have the same double name, but in different order).

That is weird and confusing.

Example:

Anna Jones marries John Smith...becomes Anna Smith. Sometimes will sign name or be addressed as Mrs. John Smith. Boooo.

I think people used to do that here but now that would be considered quite old fashioned. Even with our joint accounts they put our full names separately.

 

[Calliegirl]

I was married a long, long time ago and I changed my name, it was just what you did. I regretted it later though, it was a pain to get everything changed back after the divorce. I don't plan to ever get married again but if it were to happen, I would not change my name.

I'm seeing more people keeping their own names now.

eta: spelling

 

[SuicideBlonde]

Same, I changed my name with my first marriage and I changed it back after the divorce. I don't think I will do that again, changing the name part, I might get married again. My last name is very long and Italian, people have the hardest time with the pronunciation. I get annoyed that I have to put my ex's last name when I apply for jobs under aliases. I left him ten years ago.

 

[Andy_T]

A friend of mine got married, changed her name to her husband's name, then got divorced again and re-married.

She is working as unix system administrator in her company, and the setup is that the folder directory names on the servers included the users last name, so when she was married and changed her name, they also had to change her user, and her folder structure, and, as she was the system administrator, and many standard files were in her directory, her name change necessitated a minor IT project to change the path of all the required files for all other users.

So after she was divorced, and they had gone through the folder renaming procedure again, and she was about to marry again, she (and her company) were not willing to discuss about changing her name again, so her husband had to take hers.

Which turned out fine, as she was divorced again (a second time) after some time and is now - if I am not mistaken - getting married again - maybe third time lucky .

But I would really have liked to hear her second husband explain to his buddies how IT necessities made him change his name (which is not typical in Germany)