Vegan with a non-vegan partner: Is this ok?

[binkyybunnyy]

I am striving to be vegan, but my boyfriend is not. He has no interest in transitioning to veganism at this time. I've had some people tell me if I want to "truly be vegan," I must convince him to "convert," and if he doesn't, I must leave him because our morals do not align. I don't know about that. I know he cares about animals, I haven't shown him any of the common films such as Dominion as I don't want him to feel like I am trying to pressure him to change. He does seem open to trying the vegan foods I make though! I would like him to consider at least reducing his animal product intake, but I would never pressure him to do so. I believe he is free to make his own decisions and I would never call anyone who still eats animal products an "animal abuser." I know a lot of people still don't know what goes on in the animal farming industry and I will do my part to spread the word about it to those who want to learn. Am I still a "real vegan" for thinking this way?

 

[Emma JC]

although it is a challenge to have a non-vegan partner I have confidence that you can live by example and especially by cooking/making delicious vegan dishes and foods such that he won't know the difference and may come to prefer it

I don't agree that you must leave him because he isn't vegan - if life becomes difficult and uncomfortable and you choose to make that decision then that is fine, it is not required and do not let others influence your feelings about him. There are many things that hold couples together and that can pull them apart and it is generally not just one item.

All this said I am grateful that my spouse and I decided together and although I know he may occasionally slip when he visits family I don't get upset about it or nag about it because the benefits of being together far outweigh the downsides of not being together.

If I was going to ask a non-vegan spouse or friend to watch a video together I would likely choose Game Changers, especially a male friend.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[WholeFoodPlantEater]

I am striving to be vegan, but my boyfriend is not. He has no interest in transitioning to veganism at this time. I've had some people tell me if I want to "truly be vegan," I must convince him to "convert," and if he doesn't, I must leave him because our morals do not align. I don't know about that. I know he cares about animals, I haven't shown him any of the common films such as Dominion as I don't want him to feel like I am trying to pressure him to change. He does seem open to trying the vegan foods I make though! I would like him to consider at least reducing his animal product intake, but I would never pressure him to do so. I believe he is free to make his own decisions and I would never call anyone who still eats animal products an "animal abuser." I know a lot of people still don't know what goes on in the animal farming industry and I will do my part to spread the word about it to those who want to learn. Am I still a "real vegan" for thinking this way?

If life were perfect, our mate-for-life would embrace what we eat with joy. It is not a perfect world, so be happy you have a harmonious relationship. If you are to be vegan for life, you will encounter many friends who eat meat, and you will end up going out to eat with meat eaters, going to potluck meals with meat eaters, and have family members who eat meat. You need to adjust to being a vegan in a non-vegan world. The world won't change, and you cannot expect all your friends and romances to be vegan.

My husband DID become vegan with me 25 years ago, but he pursued a "junk food" vegan approach, whereas I have tried to eat "healthier" foods. Sometimes he will eat something I prepare that is healthy, but mostly he says "If it is good for you, it must taste bad." My husband was a pre-World War 2 baby, so he does not cook. I prepare foods for him AND foods for myself. In a more modern coupling you might ask the non-vegan mate to prepare his/her own food. In my case, that just won't work. I often take care of myself by batch-cooking for for myself and freezing excess. I make our salads together, and he uses a high-fat dressing while I eat a more heart-healthy dressing. We can coexist with rice, potatoes, corn on the cob, but largely there's a split between what he wants to eat and what I am willing to eat. It is harder for certain to have to cook food for someone whose tastebuds rule when trying to eat a healthier diet even if it means sacrificing optimal taste.

My husband loves animals and that is why he decided to become vegan with me. He won't compromise his taste buds though. I DID show my husband some "propaganda" movies that espouse a vegan lifestyle.

 

[silva]

I am striving to be vegan, but my boyfriend is not. He has no interest in transitioning to veganism at this time. I've had some people tell me if I want to "truly be vegan," I must convince him to "convert," and if he doesn't, I must leave him because our morals do not align. I don't know about that. I know he cares about animals, I haven't shown him any of the common films such as Dominion as I don't want him to feel like I am trying to pressure him to change. I would like him to consider at least reducing his animal product intake, but I would never pressure him to do so. I believe he is free to make his own decisions and I would never call anyone who still eats animal products an "animal abuser." I know a lot of people still don't know what goes on in the animal farming industry and I will do my part to spread the word about it to those who want to learn. Am I still a "real vegan" for thinking this way?

Well, I don't like people policing veganism, I find it does more harm to the goals of decreasing the use of animals, which is personally my goal.
It's not hard to get people to start cooking plant based meals, and I find once they figure it out, they not only eat less animal products, but become open to those who are vegan. That's how you get companies to make things like non dairy milks, Just Egg, vegan mayo. How you get restaurants to add tofu as a protein choice, and label menu items as vegan. I don't find many vegan only restaurants to be successful, but I do find more choices in those that are. I also hear about more people who 'tried' to be vegan, and failed.
Tell me which course advances the goals of vegan? What is the big picture?

Now whether or not you two are compatible is something you need to discuss. If you can be comfortable respecting each others choices without the need to change the other, that's great. It's a conversation you both need to have. Is this a relationship that may lead to living together, if so, what would meal shopping and cooking look like?