Would you stay away from this guy?

[Pirate]

You can block him on Facebook as well.

IMO if he had purely been a dick 9 years ago and now seemed like a nice guy i wouldve given him a second chance. However, he is creepy and persistent so I'd delete him. It is SO much better to be single than stuck with a loser!

 

[Katrina]

I may have to block him. He just sent me a message tell me that I'm "still looking good," even though I had deleted him. He MUST have noticed that I'd deleted him. WTF is he doing?

 

[Clueless Git]

WTF is he doing?

He most likely means no harm but it looks like he's scaring you, a bit?

If he means no harm he would likely be mortified if he realised that.

One idea might be to get a mutual male acquaintance to have a gentle word with the guy.

 

[Clueless Git]

However, he is creepy and persistent so I'd delete him. It is SO much better to be single than stuck with a loser!

Not exactly on topic ...

An old acquaintance of Chovies, who fell into the 'creepy and persistent loser that any woman would rather be single than get stuck with' category, committed suicide recently.

You can't blame the ladies who didn't want to get stuck with the guy. S'a blokes job, not a ladies job, to sort that kind of bloke-**** out.

Was just thinking that it's a shame that the right kind of bloke(s) didn't have the right kind of words with the guy in time.

 

[Wolfie]

I may have to block him. He just sent me a message tell me that I'm "still looking good," even though I had deleted him. He MUST have noticed that I'd deleted him. WTF is he doing?

Being a creep? Block him.

 

[AeryFairy]

He most likely means no harm but it looks like he's scaring you, a bit?

If he means no harm he would likely be mortified if he realised that.

One idea might be to get a mutual male acquaintance to have a gentle word with the guy.

In a surprising number of instances, men who are unintentionally scaring women aren't particularly mortified when enlightened to the situation. They're offended, and then they get persistent and demanding, which can be even more scary.

 

[Clueless Git]

In a surprising number of instances, men who are unintentionally scaring women aren't particularly mortified when enlightened to the situation. They're offended, and then they get persistent and demanding, which can be even more scary.

Which is why I asked if there was a male acquaintance who could have 'words', Aery.

 

[AeryFairy]

Which is why I asked if there was a male acquaintance who could have 'words', Aery.

That doesn't always change the reaction. It can change the target of the aggression, but that's not an ideal solution.

 

[Clueless Git]

That doesn't always change the reaction. It can change the target of the aggression, but that's not an ideal solution.

True. Not ideal.

Sorting errant blokes out is what decent blokes have to do sometimes though.

We have the privilege of superior strength and aggression.

In my book that privilege obliges us to act as defenders and protectors when others need us.

 

[Katrina]

I deleted him months ago and did not block him. I haven't heard from him since. I must have fallen off his radar now that my updates aren't appearing in his FB feed anymore. I suspect that he does this with multiple women, so probably he is distracted with someone else now.

 

[Katrina]

Okay so I thought this was over but he just sent me a FB message wishing me a merry Christmas. I defriended him months ago! I am not sure how or why he would think to do that.

Not sure if it's best to fully block him or not. I read the book The Gift of Fear and it says it is best to not block people like that, it just aggravates them further. So long as they aren't actually stalking or threatening, it is better to just ignore them and leave it at that. I am pretty weirded out though, I've gotta say.

 

[Wolfie]

^^^^That is weird. I remember reading about ignoring such people in that book. I'd go with that as the author really knows his stuff. I still see my one-time stalker around town though don't know if he's on FB. I ignore him. If he asks how I am I say "fine", barely glance at him and walk out the door (usually see him at the gas station). Seems he's finally gotten the hint.

 

[Bite Size Vegan]

Okay so normally my instincts are really good when it comes to dating. I've been single so long now that I'm starting to get lonely and might be overlooking things that I normally wouldn't. My emotions are telling my brain to shut up . . . lol

So tell me what you think of this. I met this guy 9 years ago when we were in university. We met through an online dating thing. We never went on a date, he just stopped by my computer at the library where we were both studying, and we had a short and awkward conversation, then talked online a few times after that, and ultimately I decided to not date him. He seemed to have some anger issues. For example, he bragged about yelling at a Walmart employee, and he told one of his friends that her tongue ring looked ugly. That sounded mean to me.

He added me on facebook. He wrote some really rude things on some of my stuff after I had refused to give him my phone number. I deleted him. Later on he friended me again and sent me a message apologizing.

Since then he hasn't been rude at all. He's a photographer, so he asked me a bunch of times if he could photograph me. He was quite persistent. I had to straight up say "I'm not interested, don't ask me again," to get him to stop asking me. He apologized and hasn't ever asked me again.

On holidays he sends me messages wishing me a merry christmas and whatnot. I'll usually reply to say the same. But I still have a sort of "creepy" feeling. I can't forget what has happened in the past. I don't trust him. I find it odd that he would try so hard to photograph me. I'm slightly weirded out that he would make an effort to stay in touch with me for so long when I don't reciprocate any interest. I am mostly responding out of politeness. I went through our messages and I guess a few years back he invited me out to the movies, which I declined politely. He hasn't invited me out since.

Anyway I'm posting now because he is messaging me again. This is probably really stupid of me but I am considering changing my mind. Am I holding too much of a grudge against him? Or am I right to stay away?

he sounds like trouble. and it's easy for me to say this on the outside but i've been there too- wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt despite my gut telling me they are bad news.

I would say to cut ties completely. Easier said than done of course and the #1 priority is to keep yourself safe!

and i think you're right- ignoring may be better than actively "banning"