Would you stay away from this guy?

[Katrina]

Okay so normally my instincts are really good when it comes to dating. I've been single so long now that I'm starting to get lonely and might be overlooking things that I normally wouldn't. My emotions are telling my brain to shut up . . . lol

So tell me what you think of this. I met this guy 9 years ago when we were in university. We met through an online dating thing. We never went on a date, he just stopped by my computer at the library where we were both studying, and we had a short and awkward conversation, then talked online a few times after that, and ultimately I decided to not date him. He seemed to have some anger issues. For example, he bragged about yelling at a Walmart employee, and he told one of his friends that her tongue ring looked ugly. That sounded mean to me.

He added me on facebook. He wrote some really rude things on some of my stuff after I had refused to give him my phone number. I deleted him. Later on he friended me again and sent me a message apologizing.

Since then he hasn't been rude at all. He's a photographer, so he asked me a bunch of times if he could photograph me. He was quite persistent. I had to straight up say "I'm not interested, don't ask me again," to get him to stop asking me. He apologized and hasn't ever asked me again.

On holidays he sends me messages wishing me a merry christmas and whatnot. I'll usually reply to say the same. But I still have a sort of "creepy" feeling. I can't forget what has happened in the past. I don't trust him. I find it odd that he would try so hard to photograph me. I'm slightly weirded out that he would make an effort to stay in touch with me for so long when I don't reciprocate any interest. I am mostly responding out of politeness. I went through our messages and I guess a few years back he invited me out to the movies, which I declined politely. He hasn't invited me out since.

Anyway I'm posting now because he is messaging me again. This is probably really stupid of me but I am considering changing my mind. Am I holding too much of a grudge against him? Or am I right to stay away?

 

[KLS52]

I would stay away but I am not a very trusting person. I suppose, after nine years, he could have changed/matured but I think you should stick with your initial gut instinct and be wary.

 

[yakherder]

Even if he doesn't necessarily have anger issues, or got over them, it sounds to me like he's kind of obsessed with getting his way. I get the impression that him toning down the angry response is likely because he's learned through experience that persistence is more effective in regards to getting his way, but that he still isn't comfortable with the concept of being denied something he wants.

Your heart, otherwise known as intuition, is right more often than not. It is not rational, however, but instinctive. When your higher reasoning tries to veto what you're feeling, there's usually a good reason, as critical thinking is often a response to a perceived threat.

 

[shyvas]

Even if he doesn't necessarily have anger issues, or got over them, it sounds to me like he's kind of obsessed with getting his way. I get the impression that him toning down the angry response is likely because he's learned through experience that persistence is more effective in regards to getting his way, but that he still isn't comfortable with the concept of being denied something he wants.

Your heart, otherwise known as intuition, is right more often than not. It is not rational, however, but instinctive. When your higher reasoning tries to veto what you're feeling, there's usually a good reason, as critical thinking is often a response to a perceived threat.

This.

 

[Freesia]

sounds pushy and aggressive

 

[GingerFoxx]

I feel like, if you need to ask this question, the answer is to stay away. Otherwise, you will be ill at ease based on his history, and even if he puts on the polite front at first, if you are with him any appreciable length of time, his true colors will begin to show through again. That probably won't be worth the heartache.

 

[Second Summer]

It just doesn't sound right. You should find someone you actually like.

 

[Katrina]

Should I just delete him? Last time I did that he freaked out and posted rude things to me. I am uncomfortable with the situation and slightly confused about why he is acting this way.

 

[Ann Chovie]

Delete him and ride the rudeness without responding to him, response will only give him ammunition to continue. If you respond you are engaging in whatever strange game he is playing.

Delete him and then remain silent whatever he posts he makes. It will annoy the hell out of him!!

People only treat you how you allow them too..you are allowing him to make you feel uncomfortable and confused without any reason for you to feel either.

 

[Mr Crunchy]

Katrina, all kinds of alarms went off in my head as I read your original post. The anger issues, rudeness and wanting to photograph you...I've heard this story before and it doesn't end well. I would cut off all communication with him and eventually he will lose interest and find someone else to pursue. Hopefully, he doesn't know where you live. Always trust your instincts. Normally, I'm not this direct but the situation you describe makes me very uncomfortable.

 

[RascalsMom]

I would never have accepted his friend request years ago when he re-added you. I MAY have politely replied to his apology message, but I still wouldn't have added him, and wouldn't have opened up any lines of communication.

I'd delete him and move on, personally.

 

[RascalsMom]

Should I just delete him? Last time I did that he freaked out and posted rude things to me. I am uncomfortable with the situation and slightly confused about why he is acting this way.

So delete & block him.

 

[hungryraccoon]

I always think you should trust your instincts. They are pretty much always right, I've found. If he's making you feel uncomfortable & you're getting a creepy vibe then that's not likely to ever change.

I say delete him. You're not likely to bump into him right? Or are you?

 

[AeryFairy]

I'd stay away. Trust your instincts.

 

[yakherder]

Should I just delete him? Last time I did that he freaked out and posted rude things to me. I am uncomfortable with the situation and slightly confused about why he is acting this way.

All the more reason to do it. Unless something has been left out of the story, it seems to me that your entire relationship with this guy since after that first meeting has been based off of intimidation. You only get one life, don't tolerate that kind of behavior in it, and definitely don't believe that taking it to the next step will solve the problem. That's not a relationship, it's appeasement to avoid confrontation. Confrontation, even indirect, can be uncomfortable, but don't feel guilty about it. Unless you want to live your life in submission, you're going to make enemies from time to time.

I don't want to pressure you into starting a fight if that's not what you want, we all have to make our own choices. As for me, I've got an idea of how I want to live my life and I have no tolerance for people who try to become a nuisance and forcefully insert themselves into my path.

 

[Wolfie]

Even if he doesn't necessarily have anger issues, or got over them, it sounds to me like he's kind of obsessed with getting his way. I get the impression that him toning down the angry response is likely because he's learned through experience that persistence is more effective in regards to getting his way, but that he still isn't comfortable with the concept of being denied something he wants.

Your heart, otherwise known as intuition, is right more often than not. It is not rational, however, but instinctive. When your higher reasoning tries to veto what you're feeling, there's usually a good reason, as critical thinking is often a response to a perceived threat.

This. Don't ignore your feelings. I'd quit responding to him at all.

 

[Katrina]

He also has this habit of initiating a conversation with "how are you?" and when I respond and ask how he is, he ignores it. He has done this repeatedly. I don't know what game he is playing.

I forgot to mention that after I'd first met him, I ran into him again in a statistics class we both had. I didn't even notice he was in the same class as me until the end of it when he was passing handouts to us. He shoved one at me and said "here you go Katrina" and walked off before I could even say anything.

When he was asking to take photos, I asked him what he wanted them for. He wouldn't answer the question! That did it for me. If you're going to take photos of me, I deserve to know what you are going to do with them but he wouldn't tell me. That's weird. It makes me wonder if he has some weird shrine of women's pictures on his wall or something. I do know a few photographers who volunteer to take photos of families and dogs and stuff because it is good for their portfolio and it is good practice and they are very open about their goals. They post their pics online and they look professional. This guy posts pictures of girls all the time, they don't look professional, by which I mean they don't look artistic. They look amateurish. And ALL of his profile pictures are of him standing with women, like he's trying to show them off or something. And whenever I posted a new profile pic he would message me to say he liked my picture. He wouldn't post his comments publicly.

Okay I just defriended him.

 

[Katrina]

All the more reason to do it. Unless something has been left out of the story, it seems to me that your entire relationship with this guy since after that first meeting has been based off of intimidation. You only get one life, don't tolerate that kind of behavior in it, and definitely don't believe that taking it to the next step will solve the problem. That's not a relationship, it's appeasement to avoid confrontation. Confrontation, even indirect, can be uncomfortable, but don't feel guilty about it. Unless you want to live your life in submission, you're going to make enemies from time to time.

I don't want to pressure you into starting a fight if that's not what you want, we all have to make our own choices. As for me, I've got an idea of how I want to live my life and I have no tolerance for people who try to become a nuisance and forcefully insert themselves into my path.

That is exactly what happened. I had kept him on out of appeasement. Screw that. I'm done with that.

 

[Katrina]

I always think you should trust your instincts. They are pretty much always right, I've found. If he's making you feel uncomfortable & you're getting a creepy vibe then that's not likely to ever change.

I say delete him. You're not likely to bump into him right? Or are you?

It's extremely unlikely that I'll bump into him again. Even if I do oh well.

 

[Clueless Git]

Delete him and ride the rudeness without responding to him, response will only give him ammunition to continue. If you respond you are engaging in whatever strange game he is playing.

Delete him and then remain silent whatever he posts he makes. It will annoy the hell out of him!!

People only treat you how you allow them too..you are allowing him to make you feel uncomfortable and confused without any reason for you to feel either.

This woman dates me and thus is clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic when it comes to relationship matters.

I suggest that you take her advice in this particular instance anyway.