Developing a thick skin

[Ansciess]

I was trying to ignore PJ's posts but why is it okay for her to keep referring to "bullies" on here as that is an insult and name-calling even if she is trying to be clever by not naming names. I was bullied as a child and teen so I find that term quite a serious accusation to level at someone. It seems like the rules of the forum don't apply to everyone on here.

In the post you quoted she named an action, bullying; she didn't call people bullies. And posts were in fact deleted for personally attacking others. Whether you would call personal attacking "bullying" might be a question, but she defined the word in her post I think - calling people names and engaging in ad hominem attacks - and those things did in fact happen and were actionable. (And hey, someone just named her own behavior in those threads using a much worse word, in my mind). So I'm not clear on the problem at this point. Are you having a reaction to the specific word, or do you not agree that posts should have actionable?

She is also no longer a mod, and I think she has been reprimanded for issues in the past.

 

[Ansciess]

Thank you for your post, Annia

 

[Pickle Juice]

No, what does that even mean? I'm just pointing out that you keep accusing some people on here of being "bullies" without identifying who they are or reporting them for their apparent bullying. I've been bullied and I've seen colleagues being bullied in the workplace so I don't think you should throw that term around unless you are being serious enough to stand by it and say directly what you mean.

One of the purposes of having moderators is to respond to reports and complaints. If you are assuming that there have been no reports or complaints, you are incorrect. There is only so much a moderator should reveal in public, and here, I at least feel that when I was a mod, I was compelled to maintain privacy. People who are too shy or non-confrontational to address people who say unkind things to them need to feel that if they choose to report a post, their privacy will be respected. Bottom line; I don't tell people who reports them, and most of the time, I don't even tell people they have been reported. Not unless the problem can't be resolved without informing someone that they have been reported.

So when a moderator identifies behavior that has been reported, or otherwise had attention called to it, and does something about it, it can't be seen as attacking, bullying, insulting, or whatever else people in here have accused me of, because that's what a moderator is supposed to do. Listen to people's complaints, and address the problem behavior.

I didn't start any of this for my own sake. I started it because other people have complained, and I found their complaints valid. IS suggested that the problem be discussed in a general thread, rather than addressing the individuals in question personally. Now that we see how that turned out, it was obviously not a good idea.

I am hoping that soon IS will come here and share his views. He has been aware of this problem since early February, if not earlier, but took no action, and gave very little feedback. I have no resentment for how things turned out, and I had no intention of continuing here as a mod once my year was up, but I feel I must say that if action had been taken months ago, none of this would have happened, some of the people who are gone for good might still be around, and over half the staff would still have their jobs here.

I sincerely mean no disrespect, and I am not trying to deflect any of the blame I may deserve for not being able to handle this better, but that is my honest opinion.

 

[Moll Flanders]

In the post you quoted she named an action, bullying; she didn't call people bullies. And posts were in fact deleted for personally attacking others. Whether you would call personal attacking "bullying" might be a question, but she defined the word in her post I think - calling people names and engaging in ad hominem attacks - and those things did in fact happen and were actionable. (And hey, someone just named her own behavior in those threads using a much worse word, in my mind). So I'm not clear on the problem at this point. Are you having a reaction to the specific word, or do you not agree that posts should have actionable?

She is also no longer a mod, and I think she has been reprimanded for issues in the past.

Oh, I didn't realise she wasn't a mod anymore as I don't tend to gossip about people on here and I have no idea what posts were deleted if I didn't actually read them so maybe I did miss bullying behaviour or posts.

 

[ledboots]

I'm not the one who made this thread sticky, and look here! Our rules, as posted by IS, and liked by someone who now seems to be taking exception to being asked to be nice and not call people names or engage in ad hominem attacks:



http://forum.veggieviews.com/threads/the-veggieviews-rules-regulations.1/

I don't see an official request there for people to report posts before they engage in retaliating against simple disagreements as if they were attacks, but there's nothing new about that for anyone who came over here from VB, where that was the policy. And I figured almost everyone would be on board with the request to stop bullying, except, of course, for the bullies.

These are the kinds of rules people shouldn't even have to establish, if a community is made up of adults who are capable of making allowances for personality types and who value treating other people as they would like to be treated themselves. So I'm still not really understanding the outrage coming from those who resent being asked to be nice. That rule has been there all along, but it was looking like a number of people had forgotten it.

And before anyone else jumps in and calls me a hypocrite yet again, let me remind you all one more time that yes, I had forgotten it too, and I didn't get away with it, like so many still insist. I just seem to be the only one who is willing to admit to it.

1. Who stickied the post?
2. Snarky little hints like "liked by someone who now seems to be taking exception to the rules" are not helpful.
3. As far as i have read here, no one has taken exception to the standing forum rules. It was your These Are The Rules Kids, And You Must Follow Them Or Else attitude that I take exception to. Why not just post the rules in Post 18 or a link to them instead of the continuous lectures?
4. Do you not see that you do exactly what you warn others about *not doing* in many of your posts in this very thread? You name names, call people out, are sarcastic, don't name names but passive-aggressively hint about them, and appear to have a chip on your shoulder the size of Mt Everest. The shoulder chip may not be against the rules, but it sure makes for posts filled with "me me me."
5. When posting as a moderator, such as about forum rules, I would think a little more professionalism and a lot less of the other crap would be helpful.
6. Take or leave these points. I am not usually this blunt with people, but since I am leaving anyway, I will damn the torpedoes, and maybe you will see things from another point of view.

Edited to add, I didn't realize PJ was no longer a moderator. I would have bwen less judgemental if I had known before posting.

 

[Pickle Juice]

1. Who stickied the post?
2. Snarky little hints like "liked by someone who now seems to be taking exception to the rules" are not helpful.
3. As far as i have read here, no one has taken exception to the standing forum rules. It was your These Are The Rules Kids, And You Must Follow Them Or Else attitude that I take exception to. Why not just post the rules in Post 18 or a link to them instead of the continuous lectures?
4. Do you not see that you do exactly what you warn others about *not doing* in many of your posts in this very thread? You name names, call people out, are sarcastic, don't name names but passive-aggressively hint about them, and appear to have a chip on your shoulder the size of Mt Everest. The shoulder chip may not be against the rules, but it sure makes for posts filled with "me me me."
6. When posting as a moderator, such as about forum rules, I would think a little more professionalism and a lot less of the other crap would be helpful.
7. Take or leave these points. I am not usually this blunt with people, but since I am leaving anyway, I will damn the torpedoes, and maybe you will see things from another point of view.

I don't know who made it sticky. As for the rest, you can refer to what I just posted about the job of a moderator to respond to complaints. A mod can hardly address bad behavior without identifying it as bad behavior. To claim I am engaging in the same kind of behavior I am objecting to as a mod, precisely because I am objecting to it, simply doesn't hold up, not when I am being asked to do something about it.

 

[kibbleforlola]

Please don't leave ledboots.

 

[das_nut]

I know what this thread is really about - it's how I, and others here, have burst into tears about Spang's heavy-handed modding of the small kitchen appliances sub-forum.

 

[mlp]

I don't generally quote scripture, but there is a passage that suits this thread to perfection:

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

 

[mlp]

Please don't leave ledboots.

I don't think you need to be concerned about it.

 

[kibbleforlola]

I have lots of thoughts on the most recent posts in this thread, but as 1)I don't want to be accused of "bullying" when in reality I'm just standing up for myself and other posters, and 20 they won't be listened to, anyway; I've decided that for my own mental well being, to stay out of this thread. I just want to let people know that my silence is not acquiescence, I'm just tired of the bickering.

 

[kibbleforlola]

I don't generally quote scripture, but there is a passage that suits this thread to perfection:

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Indeed.

 

[Moll Flanders]

Edited to add, I didn't realize PJ was no longer a moderator.

Don't worry, I didn't know until someone kind sent me a pm with a heads up.

I don't know what goes on behind the scenes on forums although I do appreciate people taking the time to be mods and admin staff. I think I *may* come across badly sometimes on forums as I'm very sarcastic (I'm English ) so I think maybe people take offence when it's not meant that way at all.

 

[ledboots]

Please don't leave ledboots.

Thank you kfl, but this place sucks my brains out lately. I need a break. I'm moving out of the house I raised my children in, my mom is in the hospital with cardiac issues in another state, my husband threw his back out again while moving so I have to do everything myself, and my job is in jeopardy. So yeah. Stress-o-meter on ultra high.

I will still lurk for the food ideas probably, if I can make myself stay out of the **** threads.

 

[mlp]

Indeed.

Oh, I meant it for all of us, including myself.

I appreciate the cleverness of your response, as I know you do.

 

[mlp]

I think I *may* come across badly sometimes on forums as I'm very sarcastic (I'm English ) so I think maybe people take offence when it's not meant that way at all.

I have no problem with sarcasm.

I do have a problem with people who take deliberate action to hurt another; then, when called on it, claim they didn't mean to and apologize; then, within the space of a couple of weeks, take the exact same action again.

That's not lack of intent; it shows the nature of the person's character.

ETA: And what I'm talking about is the intentional revealing of private information in an attempt to hurt someone, as I know you're well aware, Moll.

 

[kazyeeqen]

Thank you kfl, but this place sucks my brains out lately. I need a break. I'm moving out of the house I raised my children in, my mom is in the hospital with cardiac issues in another state, my husband threw his back out again while moving so I have to do everything myself, and my job is in jeopardy. So yeah. Stress-o-meter on ultra high.

I will still lurk for the food ideas probably, if I can make myself stay out of the **** threads.

Chatter thread! I hope things improve for you in real life too, but it'd be nice if we could at least give you reprieve, instead of making your stress worse.

 

[Moll Flanders]

I have no problem with sarcasm.

I do have a problem with people who take deliberate action to hurt another; then, when called on it, claim they didn't mean to and apologize; then, within the space of a couple of weeks, take the exact same action again.

That's not lack of intent; it shows the nature of the person's character.

What does that mean? I was fooled by someone and apologised to them on here by pm and I now [...] if that is what you are referring to. I don't care much for her (?) views or yours so maybe try and strike up an argument with someone else.

MOD NOTE: This post has been edited.

 

[Pickle Juice]

I have lots of thoughts on the most recent posts in this thread, but as 1)I don't want to be accused of "bullying" ...

Well that's interesting, since I am sure you know very well that you have actually been the subject of more than one complaint. It's too bad you can't follow Annia's example and hold yourself accountable for the role you have played in alienating people from this community.

 

[Freesia]