Developing a thick skin

[mlp]

Well, of course.

 

[ledboots]

I know of no forum that allows bullying and name calling, so these aren't amendments to anything, nor are they new rules.


Well, since no one will be honest about why they feel the need to call people names, gang up on them, or tell them to leave the forum, for posting things like suggestions about how to organize the subforums, or mentioning the obvious biological physical differences between men and women, we are left to assume that yes, there is something so offensive to some people about having someone say "hey, maybe it would be better to have X subforum here," or "I would like to see us have a forum about _____", or "What about the differences in strength between men and women?" that they, upon reading statements like this, flip out and call people names and tell them to leave the forum or that they need therapy, and those who agree, but are without the guts to actually post anything similar, support these insults by using the "like" button on them.

If that isn't being caused by a tendency to see offense where none is meant, in the absence of any explanation from the authors of those reactions, maybe you can come up with a different explanation? This thread has plenty of examples of people flipping out over very simple, general, non-personal posts, and so does the rest of the forum, if you bother to look.


With this I agree.

The only person I have ever seen suggesting people leave and start their own forum if they don't like it here, is you, PJ. Very recently.

Perhaps the problem with people "flipping out" all over the forum about posts in which they are not specifically named is not a matter of the readers' perceptions, but instead one of the authors' writing styles that feel the need to be upfront, and damn the torpedoes (or civility.)

Maybe to assist the people planning to participate in vv, someone who is very diplomatic could write up a new set of detailed forum rules. That way, no one will enter a thread to be smacked up the side of the head with harsh lectures from a moderator, dealing with recent board activity. No one likes to be bossed around in a thread, but nearly everyone will follow a polite, clear TOS that they can be politely linked to.

 

[beancounter]

Some people support the "Developing Thick Skin" bill, some don't.

Have I entered an alternate dimension or the twilight zone? Are people really reading that much into it, or perhaps reading what they want to see? Is this misunderstanding driven by knee jerk reactions an false assumptions? Or are people actively seeking any opportunity/excuse to be offended?

The OP was not a bill or a rule. It was a suggestion and opinion. Nothing more.

I've repeated this about half a dozen times now throughout the thread. Surely most people have seen at least one of the six?

Deja vue? Groundhog's Day?

Or are people intentionally ignoring it so they can justify their reaction?

 

[beancounter]

Perhaps the problem with people "flipping out" all over the forum about posts in which they are not specifically named is not a matter of the readers' perceptions, but instead one of the authors' writing styles that feel the need to be upfront, and damn the torpedoes (or civility.)

This is what I personally said in the OP : "Just some thoughts for those who venture into this forum."

Was that really an uncivil, damn the torpedo remark?

 

[ledboots]

This is what I personally said in the OP : "Just some thoughts for those who venture into this forum."

Was that really an uncivil, damn the torpedo remark?

No, your thread was hijacked by Picklejuice in order to lay down some new rules, so your post became part of these rules that I don't think anyone can really understand.

I didn't think your post was uncivil. I don't agree that people should have to toughen up to participate in a forum, but you didn't put it rudely.

 

[Spang]

Are people really reading that much into it, or perhaps reading what they want to see? Is this misunderstanding driven by knee jerk reactions an false assumptions? Or are people actively seeking any opportunity/excuse to be offended?

The OP was not a bill or a rule. It was a suggestion and opinion. Nothing more.

I've repeated this about half a dozen times now throughout the thread. Surely most people have seen at least one of the six?

Deja vue? Groundhog's Day?

Or are people intentionally ignoring it so they can justify their reaction?

I was just being creative. I think there's a word for what I did, but it's too early and my brain isn't fully functioning yet.

 

[Spang]

Satire, I think.

 

[Pickle Juice]

I'm not the one who made this thread sticky, and look here! Our rules, as posted by IS, and liked by someone who now seems to be taking exception to being asked to be nice and not call people names or engage in ad hominem attacks:

1. You must either a) adhere to a flavour of vegetarianism or b) you must be transitioning to such a diet or lifestyle. Vegetarianism excludes the consumption of animal flesh.
2. You must be at least 13 Earth-years old.
3. You can only have one account at any time.
4. Don't engage in name-calling or ad hominem attacks against other members.
5. Don't post spam. (As a spam-preventing measure, brand new members can't post URLs. These URLs will be automatically starred out by the software.)

Violators of any of the above will be shown the door.

Additionally, it is assumed that all members behave in a civilised manner, but also that we're not overly sensitive. If this proves to be a problem for anyone, I may just have to talk to them in private. This should not be seen as a discouragement against having fun. Veggie Views is pro fun.

http://forum.veggieviews.com/threads/the-veggieviews-rules-regulations.1/

I don't see an official request there for people to report posts before they engage in retaliating against simple disagreements as if they were attacks, but there's nothing new about that for anyone who came over here from VB, where that was the policy. And I figured almost everyone would be on board with the request to stop bullying, except, of course, for the bullies.

These are the kinds of rules people shouldn't even have to establish, if a community is made up of adults who are capable of making allowances for personality types and who value treating other people as they would like to be treated themselves. So I'm still not really understanding the outrage coming from those who resent being asked to be nice. That rule has been there all along, but it was looking like a number of people had forgotten it.

And before anyone else jumps in and calls me a hypocrite yet again, let me remind you all one more time that yes, I had forgotten it too, and I didn't get away with it, like so many still insist. I just seem to be the only one who is willing to admit to it.

 

[Poppy]

I really like the Psychology Today link. I particularly like:

1. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others.

2. Don't be self-focused. If you do focus on yourself, you'll likely dwell on your shortcomings.

and 3. Don't be quick to blame. Recognize that other people have their ups and downs.

 

[Muggle]

This post is going to be rambling, so I'll apologise for it now (although you'll read the reason in the post) and I've had it kinda half formed in my head over the past day or two and I'm just going to go ahead and write it.

I think there's a couple of things that people need to keep in mind when reading and writing posts. We have members here who are not native English speakers. We also have members here who might struggle with reading or writing comprehension, such as those with specific learning disability. From a personal angle, I have dyslexia and dyspraxia. They tend to affect my writing far more than reading (which is why I'm pretty sure my posts are rambling/hard to understand) but I do struggle sometimes with reading. It tends to be down to the writer's style. For example, most books I'm perfectly fine with but there are some authors which are incomprehensible* to me. Tolkien was incomprehensible until I was 16 until something in my brain clicked and I was finally able to understand him.

Anyway, the point I think I'm trying to make is that some people might struggle to express what they want to say in writing (I struggle a lot) or they might struggle with a writing style (I've struggled to understand a few people on other forums - I ended up having to put them on ignore because it was stressing me out so much as every post of theirs was completely incomprehensible, although everybody appeared to understand them. I haven't had this problem with anybody on VV. Yet. ).
So I think if people feel like somebody has responded to them and haven't appeared to understand them, rather than get annoyed, maybe try to write what you want to say in a different way? Or clarify your points if people ask you to.


* That word is a prime example of how much I struggle with writing. I couldn't spell it, my brower's spell-checker couldn't help me, so had to google it, then google corrected my spelling to the Spanish translation of that word (which is incomprensible). So it's taken me a good few minutes to get the correct spelling and I've lost my train of thought. Well not really lost, it's changed tracks which is what always happens.


Anyway, I realise that some of what I posted in the make-up debate to Ansciess was the opposite of what I've been trying to say here, so I'm sorry about that Ansciess. I still disagree with you but I didn't need to be a *****. So sorry.


I had another point to make but now my brain is currently thinking about tortoises (had to check how to spell Ansciess' username, her avatar is a butterfly, started thinking about butterflies, then tortoiseshell butterflies and then tortoises) and I really can't remember what I wanted to say. I'll probably remember in a few hours.

EDIT:

I remembered!

I also wanted to say that I'm aware my behaviour recently has been incompatible with how I should have acted as a steward. So I will say to all of VV as a whole, I am sorry. As you can see, I am no longer a steward.

 

[Freesia]

I wish you were still a steward, Annia.

 

[Pickle Juice]

Oh I liked your post before you edited it Annia. I do not want it to look like I like that you are no longer a steward. I'm not happy about any of this. But what's done is done.

 

[RabbitLuvr]

I also wanted to say that I'm aware my behaviour recently has been incompatible with how I should have acted as a steward. So I will say to all of VV as a whole, I am sorry. As you can see, I am no longer a steward.

Same.

 

[Spang]

I know of no forum that allows bullying and name calling, so these aren't amendments to anything, nor are they new rules.

They're amendments to this thread, initially about developing thick skin.

 

[Freesia]

Same.

I wish you were still a steward too.

 

[Moll Flanders]

Annia and RabbitLuvr - I'm sorry you aren't stewards anymore too.

Poppy - I liked you as a mod on VB.

I'm not the one who made this thread sticky, and look here! Our rules, as posted by IS, and liked by someone who now seems to be taking exception to being asked to be nice and not call people names or engage in ad hominem attacks:

And I figured almost everyone would be on board with the request to stop bullying, except, of course, for the bullies.

I was trying to ignore PJ's posts but why is it okay for her to keep referring to "bullies" on here as that is an insult and name-calling even if she is trying to be clever by not naming names. I was bullied as a child and teen so I find that term quite a serious accusation to level at someone. It seems like the rules of the forum don't apply to everyone on here.

 

[Pickle Juice]

Annia and RabbitLuvr - I'm sorry you aren't stewards anymore too.

Poppy - I liked you as a mod on VB.



I was trying to ignore PJ's posts but why is it okay for her to keep referring to "bullies" on here as that is an insult and name-calling even if she is trying to be clever by not naming names. I was bullied as a child and teen so I find that term quite a serious accusation to level at someone. It seems like the rules of the forum don't apply to everyone on here.

So you've come to kick me while I'm down?

 

[Poppy]

Poppy - I liked you as a mod on VB.

Aww, thanks.

 

[Moll Flanders]

So you've come to kick me while I'm down?

No, what does that even mean? I'm just pointing out that you keep accusing some people on here of being "bullies" without identifying who they are or reporting them for their apparent bullying. I've been bullied and I've seen colleagues being bullied in the workplace so I don't think you should throw that term around unless you are being serious enough to stand by it and say directly what you mean.

 

[Spang]

Also, I'm still moderating the small kitchen appliances sub-forum.