What a year

Kasandra said:
thank you everyone, my parents come for lunch yesterday, just tried to be strong for my dad, my mom and i went to the shops to buy some food etc for my dad, my mom is really emotional, said my dad wakes up in pain every night on his left side, he also talks like he expects the worst, to her not to us as he wants to protect us emotionally.

today is really a hard day, i have realised drinking or taking anxiety pills just makes my mind feel worse so avoiding them but sometimes I really feel I am going to lose it.

Trying to just stay in the moment and focus on that.

Tomorrow must just arrive, so we can hear the news and deal with it.....

just focusing on my daughter and trying to keep it together for her. my husband was so insensitive last night after the whole day he was complaining about a dirty nappy i forgot in the nursery bin and it made the nursery stink. with everything on my mind i seriously just forgot and then went off on him for being insensitive.... seriously.... !!!!

one day at a time one day at a time.
Click to expand...

:hug:
 
Thanks Alice-Bee.... The support on this forum is always so overwhelming people with caring hearts reaching out. We find out in 2 and half hours what is happening. At least then we will know what we are dealing with.

i took half of one of my anxiety tablets, just in case the news is too much to bare, but I am still positive, best senaria would be if they can operate and get the cancer out. I am dreading chemo or radiation for my dad.
 
So its bone cancer, they can only do radiation to reduce the pain and try to control the cancer, its going to be hard and painful for my dad - this journey is not going to be easy but I will focus on what CAN be done and not what CAN"T and not "check" out of my life but still stay strong,.
 
my dad going for MRI this morning to see if cancer has spread, waiting and waiting... no where to run but to face my emotions and feelings but just when i want to fall apart my little girl giggles or pulls my hair and I can focus on her and know have to be strong for her...

we went to my parents yesterday, its hard to hear my dad talk about his will his financial affairs, i listened cause I know he finds peace in the fact that he knows when his not there he still looked after us, but I dont want to hear it, I was sitting there. It was hard - but I will be strong for him cause his got enough to deal with.

In the past I use to run and check out of my life doing anything not to deal with pain and emotions but now I have no where to run. Sometimes I really do feel its too much but then I just try to breath, breath and breath.

We can only take it one day at a time.
 
I am so sorry ((((((((Kassandra))))))) :hug: I will be thinking of you and your family.
 
Im so sorry Kasandra...Its good in a way that you have your girl to focus on...as strange as this sounds you need something to feel happy about with everything that is going on. :hug:
 
I totally get what you saying Alice-Bee! 100% So much stuff has happened this year but I will keep focusing on the positive in my life cause there is still a lot of positives.

My dads cancer has spread through his body, he doesnt want to give me details, just that is bad.

I am just dealing, as best as I can, with all these emotions and feelings, one day at a time, so that I can also be strong for my mother and dad.... they going to need lots of support.
 
Kasandra said:
I totally get what you saying Alice-Bee! 100% So much stuff has happened this year but I will keep focusing on the positive in my life cause there is still a lot of positives.

My dads cancer has spread through his body, he doesnt want to give me details, just that is bad.

I am just dealing, as best as I can, with all these emotions and feelings, one day at a time, so that I can also be strong for my mother and dad.... they going to need lots of support.
Click to expand...

Kasandra, do you have any family support groups in South Africa ? In the UK there are groups that help families ,when a member suffers with cancer. You need to be able to share your thoughts with somone outside of the family circle.

Please take care. :hug:
 
Be there as much as you can for him, and lean on those around you. Ive been through this, its hard to do on your own. Find people you can talk too, even if its just about what you watched on TV or ate for lunch...*hugs*

And you always have us :D
 
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Thanks you all, I LOVE YOU GUYS, giving me support and you guys dont really even know me. Thats what I mean by stranger being gaurdian angels.

Alice-Bee!!! You have been there for me when my great aunt passed and you gave love and support. Now you again, give love and support.

Thanks for your caring heart.

I believe in talking, getting out....
 
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Kasandra said:
Thanks you all, I LOVE YOU GUYS, giving me support and you guys dont really even know me. Thats what I mean by stranger being gaurdian angels.

Alice-Bee!!! You have been there for me when my great aunt passed and you gave love and support. Now you again, give love and support.

Thanks for your caring heart.

I believe in talking, getting out....
Click to expand...
Well what kind of support forum would we be if we didnt help someone when they needed it :)

The bolded part-Thats so very sweet of you. Im glad I could help :hug:
 
Wow, I have been away for a week or so and just saw this. I'm so sorry, Kasandra. Big hugs. I can't really add much to the excellent advice and sentiments except to say that I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and send all kinds of good vibes your way.
 
:ma:i hope you guys dont mind but I will just post here to get my feelings and emotions out - otherwise I can't focus , not that I can really focus on work.

Phoned my mom last night and told her to tell me everything that is going on, details etc as keeping me in the dark is really not helping - when I know the facts I can deal with it.

It really is not good news. I doubt they can really do much...

Dad will do chemo after he went for a week holiday with my brother to our beach house, I feel so sorry for my brother who lost his father in law a year and half ago, he died of heart attack in his arms. This is going to have a huge emotional toll on my brother, he always tries to be the strong one the brave one but I just want to show I can also be strong , he can lean on me.

When brother is away with dad I will take Kira and go visit my mother... cheer her up and take her mind of the whole journey infront of us.

I know this is just the beginning of a tough journey that lays ahead but I can deal with today, just today, and I can focus on the positive still in my life. **** Happens but God give us strenght, peace and courage.

I keep wanting to go back to yoga, but I just feel so drained... I dont think exercise is the best for me at the moment....
 

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