Can vegans be in relationship with non vegan ?

[shyvas]

going into any relationship with the intent or even hope that the other person will "change" is pretty much a recipe for disaster - it is better IMO to be very clear about who you would like to be in a relationship with and look for the person with those qualities...

Emma JC

I don't believe that people change once they start a relationship. The saying 'a leopard never changes it's spots 'is very true.

 

[Gaspard]

Recently got into a relationship with an omni, so hopefully. All I know is there aren’t many vegans in the world, and finding someone that is special is very hard, let alone someone special that is also vegan. What if he quit being vegan? Loads of people don’t last in the long term

Ah! Sweet kisses with the taste of beef and slaughtered pigs.

 

[Danielle]

Boundaries. Dating someone who is open to vegan food helps.
I wouldn’t want to date anyone that cheats. That’s a big nope.

 

[shyvas]

Boundaries. Dating someone who is open to vegan food helps.
I wouldn’t want to date anyone that cheats. That’s a big nope.

Totally agree.

 

[alexw32]

I think the main reason which the person chose to become vegan is also important, if it's out of compassion for animals and mother nature then the person would have a better chance of sticking to it for the rest of their life instead of moving back and forth, otherwise if they made the choice for solely their own health or pleasing their partner then it wouldn't likely last long.

Personally I probably wouldn't start dating someone who isn't already vegetarian/vegan because "starting from scratch" is way too hard, while I'm sure there are people who are open to the idea and would switch over if persuaded, you'd still have to be the one who influenced the person, if their family objects to their decision the blame is going to land on you... which is pretty hard to undertake. Depends on the person & family and how open they are to adapting a vegetarian life style.

 

[Bob Who]

I think the reason which the person became vegan is also important, if it's out of compassion for animals and mother nature then the person would have a better chance of sticking to it for the rest of their life instead of moving back and forth, otherwise if they made the choice for solely their own health or pleasing their partner then it wouldn't likely last long.

The part about if ones motive for going vegan is their health, they are less likely to stick with it than those who do it for the sake of the animals or the planet. Why is that? Is it when someone refers to doing it for health, the reason is to lose excess weight rather than something much more serious and potentially debilitating? I'm just curious.

 

[alexw32]

The part about if ones motive for going vegan is their health, they are less likely to stick with it than those who do it for the sake of the animals or the planet. Why is that? Is it when someone refers to doing it for health, the reason is to lose excess weight rather than something much more serious and potentially debilitating? I'm just curious.

Well I held this belief after witnessing many people go back to eating meat, including people I knew well.

I believe it comes down to selflessness, becoming vegetarian for the sake of your own health (considering the fact that meat contains antibiotic trances, excessive salt, hormones etc. )is a benign act, but still inherently selfish when you come to think of it, such people may turn to "organic meat" or something similar in the future when a healthy solution is available; on the other hand, doing it for the innocent lives of animals and environment protection is much more grand cause, for the greater good if you will.

I consider vegetarianism/veganism as a lifestyle & world view, therefore I feel that merely adapting it as a diet is not enough, if views and ideals in a person don't change then the mentality isn't too much different from that of ordinary people, the constant pressure to fit into society will bring down many people back to their old habits. Good news is that Vegetarianism is being promoted more in recently years due to climate change, giving people another great reason to become and remain a Vegetarian.

With that being said, when I try to convince someone to go vegetarian I usually don't bring up animals as it'll often imply that the person is not benevolent, instead I will actually focus on the health benefits ( and the environmental effects ), they'll soon figure out the animal part themselves if they come on board.

 

[Emma JC]

The part about if ones motive for going vegan is their health, they are less likely to stick with it than those who do it for the sake of the animals or the planet. Why is that? Is it when someone refers to doing it for health, the reason is to lose excess weight rather than something much more serious and potentially debilitating? I'm just curious.

It isn't necessarily a true statement and you are right to question it. There are many people who eat a vegan diet that started it for their own health and they are some of the most enthusiastic because they experienced the changes in their health firsthand. Do some of them fall back, yes, for sure and normally their health does also. I would guess that a large percentage of the "for their health vegans" are over 40 and have experienced some poor health and so are very motivated to stay.

As I have said many times about my own journey, it is just that a journey. I first learned about the cruelty to animals part years ago and it changed some of my behavior. I then learned other things and more of my behavior changed. I found Dr Esselstyn about 7 years ago and stuck to WFPB (although it wasn't called that then) for a while, and then fell off but many new habits stuck. Then I heard Dr McDougall on Coast to Coast AM in October of 2016 and for both my spouse and myself, that was it. What he said struck a chord and made sense and now it has been 3 1/2 years and we love it!

So no, I don't believe the reason why people come to veganism matters, what matters is that new habits form and the more new and healthy habits, that help the environment and stop cruelty to animals, the better.

If I were to lose my spouse I would not date/live with/marry a non-vegan just as I wouldn't be with someone who was cruel/abusive etc to humans.

Emma JC

 

[Emma JC]

With that being said, when I try to convince someone to go vegetarian I usually don't bring up animals as it'll often imply that the person is not benevolent, instead I will actually focus on the health benefits ( and the environmental effects ), they'll soon figure out the animal part themselves if they come on board.

perfect!

Emma JC

 

[alexw32]

perfect!

Emma JC

Hi Emma

Thanks for the endorsement, nice to know another fellow Vegan Canadian. I totally agree with what you said about "the more new and healthy habits, that help the environment and stop cruelty to animals, the better". At present there are far more people on a meat eating diet than vegetarian/vegan people, therefore whichever reason one chose to switch over doesn't matter too much, the choice they made is a wide one and they should be welcomed into the community.

But when looking at long term commitment, as you pointed out some people do fall back, and honestly they shouldn't be blamed really, it's the constant pressure inflicted by society (huge businesses in the meat industry) directly and indirectly that slowly wear them down.

I myself have experienced it a lot, from not being able to attend various social events to constantly being questioned by friends and family and having to explain oneself (this has lessened over the years thanks to shift of perspective), I feel that it takes a stronger ideal to overcome these things. Once you change your beliefs and gain a wider view over the issue it becomes much more clear in your mind what's the right thing to do, and it'll give you plenty of will power to resist the urge to fall back.

Among various books on Veganism, Dr. Will Turtle's book The World Peace Diet is my favorite because it addresses some of the underlying principles in becoming vegan that has the power to affect human interaction as well. I'd recommend it to those who wish to learn more about what it means to be vegan, I suppose knowing this will make a person who's already vegan more proud over themselves.

Alexander

 

[Mostly Random Dude]

Being vegan isn't easy, you have to be a person that can respect rules. Someone who understands and respects others. A one who cares for others, not only for himself.

I am vegan not because I like animals, but because I really hate vegetables! (c)

 

[Mischief]

...I would not date/live with/marry a non-vegan just as I wouldn't be with someone who was cruel/abusive etc to humans.

Emma JC
[/QUOTE]

This. It's difficult/impossible for me to establish any kind of emotional closeness with a human who doesn't share my core values. Of course, this is much easier for me, since I have no interest in a romantic/sexual relationship.

In fact, I think I am well suited to be a hermit.

 

[Bob Who]

AlexW32,

Thanks for the reply.

In my life experience I've found most people are motivated by self interest of one sort or another. True believers in grand causes are rare indeed.

 

[Brian W]

It works for me. At the moment, M is not vegan although she enjoys a lot of the vegan food I cook. She has expressed an interest for the future as she has enjoyed my experiments and watching me watch vegan videos but she has some health issues at the moment that make it hard for her both mentally and physically. Mutual respect is the key issue and with patience, the omnivore partner might well start becoming curious. If M never becomes vegan I won't have a problem with it because I love her, not a fantasy version of her that I want her to become.

 

[Emma JC]

It works for me. At the moment, M is not vegan although she enjoys a lot of the vegan food I cook. She has expressed an interest for the future as she has enjoyed my experiments and watching me watch vegan videos but she has some health issues at the moment that make it hard for her both mentally and physically. Mutual respect is the key issue and with patience, the omnivore partner might well start becoming curious. If M never becomes vegan I won't have a problem with it because I love her, not a fantasy version of her that I want her to become.

It's sounds like you have an awesome relationship!

Emma JC

 

[Nekodaiden]

I think it's possible, and a number of people I've seen testify on this
board that they have working relationships with non-vegans. However, it
wouldn't be something I would seek out.

I look at my folks. Mom's been wanting to go vegan for years, and should
have a number of years ago after developing cancer. Yet, she didn't until
relatively recently. Dad's supportive, meaning he tolerates it, and they cook seperately, but since
he doesn't believe in it (and also, being older, doesn't have any major
health problems), he's not exactly excited about it. It's also a
"nuisance" when family gatherings take place, and a number of my relatives
have been staunch against it. Thus, mom has tried but to keep peace in
the family from stupid/ignorant and possibly even (hateful?) relatives
she joins club omnivore at family gatherings, which there are many of.

I told her once we could share recipes and she cried. I am the only person
in the family that supports her, truthfully supports her, in this.

My (former, now deceased wife) was about as far from vegan as one can get
in her eating habits. Completely addicted to dairy and animal food with
barely a veggie in sight. I watched her die young, in her 30's, from her
terrible habits. The attitude of many where I live is that you just have
to give up tobacco and alcohol and you'll be fine. She drank maybe once
a year and didn't smoke, and now I've outlived her by well over a decade and
do both.

I really enjoy being vegan and would not at all be keen on hooking up with
a non-vegan. I don't want the smells in my home, either in what they cook
or what comes out of their breath/pores. I don't want to deal with more
unnecessary disease. I don't want to be the loner in a family unit (hers,
or her family), nor feel peer pressure from said unit. I'd have an easier
time with a vegetarian, but it would still seem like a compromise. Eggs
and dairy aren't healthy, and they aren't without cruelty to animals,
a lot of unnecessary cruelty. What kind of excuses/lies am I going to hear?

I've only been vegan for a little less than 2.5 years. I'm still a youngin,
and just out of my infancy. I think being in a relationship with a non-vegan
would be a struggle in many ways.

No.

 

[Hog]

I am one of those animal rights vegans. I doubt my wife fully agrees with me about animal rights. But, I do the shopping and cooking. She likes my cooking. Thus, it really is not an issue.

Thankfully, going vegan does not mean you have to give up ice cream, cheese, chocolate milk, meat, and fast food. If it looks like a hamburger, tastes like a hamburger, and smells like a hamburger, then it is a hamburger.

 

[The Master Of Design]

Being vegan isn't easy, you have to be a person that can respect rules. Someone who understands and respects others. A one who cares for others, not only for himself.

I can't force someone to eat the same diet than me, or I'll become his[or her] manager, his doctor. That's not what we really need as individuals in a couple. If I convince a person to become vegan by seduction, I'll be her "Guru". If she left me, she'd maybe come back to the other diet. And if I'd use my knowledge and force to make someone do what pleased me, that's would not be love, that's would be submission.

Ideally, we must be equal and free, but free without hurting the one we love the most. That's the tough part, as vegan we don't want to hurt anyone. We mustn't hurt our lover, and protect her heart, soul, body and energys.
But knowing that, vegans can be easily abuse by those who are fake vegans. So take a good look before engaging.

Vegans singles have to find another vegan without lovemate to put every chance of happiness in there side.

I already got engaged before taking a good look into it... But she is mostly Vegan the only thing why she drinks milk is because her mother is Indian and they believe cow's are sacred animals and they raise them on this big beautiful farms where they don't hurt them or eat them... So I guess that's fine

 

[The Master Of Design]

However I would not be able to date someone who eats animals/meat!

 

[Forest Nymph]

Well I held this belief after witnessing many people go back to eating meat, including people I knew well.

I believe it comes down to selflessness, becoming vegetarian for the sake of your own health (considering the fact that meat contains antibiotic trances, excessive salt, hormones etc. )is a benign act, but still inherently selfish when you come to think of it, such people may turn to "organic meat" or something similar in the future when a healthy solution is available; on the other hand, doing it for the innocent lives of animals and environment protection is much more grand cause, for the greater good if you will.

I consider vegetarianism/veganism as a lifestyle & world view, therefore I feel that merely adapting it as a diet is not enough, if views and ideals in a person don't change then the mentality isn't too much different from that of ordinary people, the constant pressure to fit into society will bring down many people back to their old habits. Good news is that Vegetarianism is being promoted more in recently years due to climate change, giving people another great reason to become and remain a Vegetarian.

With that being said, when I try to convince someone to go vegetarian I usually don't bring up animals as it'll often imply that the person is not benevolent, instead I will actually focus on the health benefits ( and the environmental effects ), they'll soon figure out the animal part themselves if they come on board.

I agree with this. I've noticed that some people who are TOO obsessed with health aren't going to stay vegan (or even vegetarian) often because they starve themselves (no, quinoa and avocado isn't a meal, it's a side dish) or they decide that doing low-carb or eating grassfed meat is healthy. Whether these statements are true or not is beside the point, if they believe it's healthy. I'm very cautious even being friends with people who seem orthorexic. I don't mean everyone on a WFPB diet, just anyone who acts like eating a bowl of cereal is naughty or has weird opinions about soy etc.

I am having issues enough with my new roommate suddenly bringing cow flesh into the house after claiming to be vegetarian for six weeks and acting interested in animal rights. Beef makes me mad on two levels: it's eating an animal's dead body AND it is completely indefensible to eat it if you claim to care about the environment. One of my old roommates was a meat eater, but she cut out all red meat for environmental reasons and ate vegetarian or vegan meals 1-2 days per week. I cannot deal with someone who thinks grassfed and local is sustainable. I can barely stop myself from insulting them, let alone wanting to kiss them? Uh, no.

I've reached a point in my life where I don't think I can deal with anyone who isn't at least vegetarian, romantically speaking. I can't deal with most people as it is.