Pre-Nups for Ordinary People
- Thread starter Lord Snot
- Start date
I don't see how women changing their names upon marriage can be perceived as anything other than sexism on a very personal level, whether the couple intends to have children or not. If a common name is important, there are other alternatives, as you pointed out.
I read recently that the percentage of American women keeping their names when they marry has actually decreased.
I read recently that the percentage of American women keeping their names when they marry has actually decreased.
Did you hate the name or its associations?
My sister changed her name to our mother's maiden name when she was divorced for the second time, because she didn't want the associations that came with any of the intervening names. So now my nephew and I are the only ones with the same last name.
Ansciess
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I understand that but me personally I wouldn't want some other person's dad's name either, unless his dad was Jesus or Einstein or something. I'd still prefer to make a new last name if I'm going to change my name.
I used to think that I would keep my name if I got married but it doesn't seem that important to me anymore and I know I'm never having kids to pass the name on to them.
That I understand - it's the reason my sister changed to my mother's maiden name, which was actually the surname of my mother's maternal grandfather. She figured he was the most recent decent man in the family line.
Other than my stepfather, whose name neither of us have ever born, I would have to agree. I, OTOH, have no positive or negative associations with my last name - I was too young to remember the man - so I think of it simply as my name..
Yeah, but the sexism would have stopped at your naming, if you didn't change your name, instead of being perpetuated into each successive generation.
Pfffft - if a parent's surname is to be used, it should logically be the mother's, since the identity of the father is not a given, absent genetic testing.
yakherder
老外
Lately it seems that more and more archeological evidence suggests that prior to agriculture and the introduction of the idea of ownership, paternal certainty was not considered to even be that important. But when you've got land and material possessions to pass down, family ownership is inevitable.
I personally don't care. My girlfriend and I have yet to find a good reason to get married even with a child. Our son took my last name, but I made it clear to her that it wasn't important to me and I would have been just as happy using her last name. Canada recognizes either a prolonged conjugal relation or common law partner in nearly the same legal sense as if we were married, just without any unnecessary complexities. Nothing against marriage I guess, but I'll bet I've got a better chance at a life long relationship with my girlfriend than most married couples do with each other. It isn't because we took any oaths in front of some random guy, it's because we've both read up on relationship management and make an effort to anticipate and deal with conflicts before they arise rather than assuming love will magically carry us through.
I personally don't care. My girlfriend and I have yet to find a good reason to get married even with a child. Our son took my last name, but I made it clear to her that it wasn't important to me and I would have been just as happy using her last name. Canada recognizes either a prolonged conjugal relation or common law partner in nearly the same legal sense as if we were married, just without any unnecessary complexities. Nothing against marriage I guess, but I'll bet I've got a better chance at a life long relationship with my girlfriend than most married couples do with each other. It isn't because we took any oaths in front of some random guy, it's because we've both read up on relationship management and make an effort to anticipate and deal with conflicts before they arise rather than assuming love will magically carry us through.
Getting a marriage license is a complexity? Takes 15 minutes at the courthouse. Do you or do you not want to confer legal rights/responsibilities between you and your significant other with whom you had a child? If you end up in the hospital in a coma do you want/trust her to make medical decisions on your behalf or to heck with her and your wishes and let your folks take over. How about vice versa? Seriously if she's the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with, with or without a piece of paper, who you trust to make decisions on your behalf, why the heck run the risk of relying on common law statutes that may or may not cover everything in a legal marriage and certainly could be open to legal battle in the event family members did not agree with your decision.
Anyway don't really care how others choose to live, it's really a whatever as far as I'm concerned, just wanted to throw out some food out for thought.
yakherder
老外
Getting it isn't too hard, the complexities come later. I suppose once a child is involved a breakup is complex whether you are married or not, but we still can't think of any reason to justify marriage in our case. Many of the legal issues you mentioned are covered in my will. The only reason we would really consider getting married is if we ended up deciding to move to the states where the laws are a bit different, especially as far as her immigration would be concerned. I ran into some of those issues with my ex-wife, not just in the states but in China as well. In China there were actually hotels and apartments in certain regions in which cohabitation between opposite sexes was illegal. Since I was traveling quite a bit this basically put us in a situation of get married or break up. And in order for her to immigrate to the U.S. we had to be either married or engaged. And then when things went bad, though we might have been able to simply break up without a bunch of drama, this was not the case when it essentially involved a double divorce (one in the U.S., and then a fun process of getting her province back in China to recognize that divorce so we weren't married in China anymore). This was not the case when I moved to Quebec with my girlfriend. At least for us and our situation, not having to worry about marriage has helped us avoid a lot of unnecessary stress.
K-II
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I would refuse to let someone adopt my last name. I don't even want it, there's no way two of us would be living with it. In fact, I'd change my first name at the same time... or just delete it and use my middle name.
Honestly I wish I didn't have a name at all. I feel no affinity with any of them. None of them 'are' me, or even describe me. Names are stupid.
Honestly I wish I didn't have a name at all. I feel no affinity with any of them. None of them 'are' me, or even describe me. Names are stupid.
I kinda wish pre-nups were just standard practice and everybody was required to sign one before marrying, regardless of circumstances. Just get the whole bloody financial business out of the way up front, nobody would feel slighted for being asked to sign one, and nobody could use divorce for profit anymore.
I Heart Corey Haim!!
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personally i wouldnt never ever, ever, ever, sign one and I wouldnt ask my sweetie to sign one either....i wont go into my marriage with such a dark black cloud of negativity hanging over me waiting for the other shoe to drop....I mean I can see what you guys are saing about protecting yourselves but my sweetie and I have been together forever and then some and whatever we have... we have built together equally and are equals so if gosh fobid it didnt work out and we would split up we would split the stuff equally....as for changing my name when we marry.....I am hyphenating not because I may have kids but because I have been me for thirty some years and am still gonna be me and then some when I get married.
peace, love and more love
peace, love and more love
kazyeeqen
Superb Owl
I knew a lady who said she got her father's name when she was born, changed it to her stepfather's name when he adopted her, changed it to her first husband's name, then her second husband's name, and after her second divorce she made up her own name because she was tired of being named after the men in her life.
personally i wouldnt never ever, ever, ever, sign one and I wouldnt ask my sweetie to sign one either....i wont go into my marriage with such a dark black cloud of negativity hanging over me waiting for the other shoe to drop....I mean I can see what you guys are saing about protecting yourselves but my sweetie and I have been together forever and then some and whatever we have... we have built together equally and are equals so if gosh fobid it didnt work out and we would split up we would split the stuff equally....as for changing my name when we marry.....I am hyphenating not because I may have kids but because I have been me for thirty some years and am still gonna be me and then some when I get married.
peace, love and more love
If you both started with nothing and built it all together anyhow, no reason IMO for a prenup... one party to the marriage has nothing of significant monetary value over the other party.
