Pre-Nups for Ordinary People

[das_nut]

Saying you're against a pre-nup because it feels like you're planning for a divorce is like saying you're against seatbelts because it feels like you're planning for an accident.

 

[I Heart Corey Haim!!]

If you both started with nothing and built it all together anyhow, no reason IMO for a prenup... one party to the marriage has nothing of significant monetary value over the other party.

wowser i never said we had nothing.....that imo was a harsh statement.... just that we started out together as teens and we have been together 20 years and our whole lives are wrapped up and built up together....

peace & junk

 

[mlp]

wowser i never said we had nothing.....that imo was a harsh statement.... just that we started out together as teens and we have been together 20 years and our whole lives are wrapped up and built up together....

peace & junk

I think you maybe misunderstood what Forster was saying.

 

[I Heart Corey Haim!!]

Saying you're against a pre-nup because it feels like you're planning for a divorce is like saying you're against seatbelts because it feels like you're planning for an accident.

i am sorta against seat belts cause I am massively petite and they choke me even with the add ons and helper gadgets cause they hurt me and leave marks on my neck.....i want seat belts comfy for all.

peace & junk

 

[I Heart Corey Haim!!]

I think you maybe misunderstood what Forster was saying.

i am sure i did.....

peace & junk

 

[Forster]

wowser i never said we had nothing.....that imo was a harsh statement.... just that we started out together as teens and we have been together 20 years and our whole lives are wrapped up and built up together....

peace & junk

Not meaning to come across harsh so sorry for that if you took it that way, I just meant nothing as in relative monetary value (which I'm assuming was true if you got together when teens?). I always say when we got married we had "nothing" obviously not true per se, but in net worth pretty true and we equally had nothing. Far sight different than just meeting someone who has "nothing" and the other person has a paid for home and half a million built up in retirement accounts (this is just an example) and not really that uncommon of one for peeps marrying later in life. If both people are entering into a marriage on equal financial footing a prenup IMO isn't nearly as important unless one is attached to their particular stuff.

 

[K-II]

i am sorta against seat belts cause I am massively petite and they choke me even with the add ons and helper gadgets cause they hurt me and leave marks on my neck.....i want seat belts comfy for all.

peace & junk

Neck? lolwat... how do you even see over the dashboard?

 

[RabbitLuvr]

When I got married, I took my husband's last name. Mine was fiddly to spell, and I figured it was just fine to take a shorter name. I still have to spell it for people, but not it's a lot easier.
Plus, if I'm going to be named after someone's father, I'm pretty sure I have more in common with my husband's father than my own.

 

[ElaineV]

Prenups are not about being realistic, they're about being selfish and materialistic.

Community property laws are generally a good thing. And they dont generally apply to property acquired before the marriage. No reason to write special contracts to circumvent state law.

 

[mlp]

Prenups are not about being realistic, they're about being selfish and materialistic.

Community property laws are generally a good thing. And they dont generally apply to property acquired before the marriage. No reason to write special contracts to circumvent state law.

You do realize that only 9 of the 50 states are community property states?

 

[ElaineV]

In both community property states and noncommunity property states in the US, the general rule is that property acquired before the marriage remains separate property.

During the marriage, property can still be acquired and owned separately, except in community property states.

 

[Digger]

Prenups are not about being realistic, they're about being selfish and materialistic.

I have to respectfully disagree. If pre-nups were a mandatory part of the marriage process for everybody, I think it would take finances out of the equation altogether and make marriage all about love and companionship and the like. Admittedly I don't have much knowledge or experience in the marital arena so this is just my idealistic view from the outside looking in.

 

[mlp]

In both community property states and noncommunity property states in the US, the general rule is that property acquired before the marriage remains separate property.

During the marriage, property can still be acquired and owned separately, except in community property states.

Not really true. In non community property law states, property acquired during the marriage is considered to be marital property, unless it was acquired by inheritance or it was a gift. And then, even inherited or gifted property, or property owned before the marriage, can *become* marital property, depending on how it is handled during the marriage.

 

[K-II]

I have to respectfully disagree. If pre-nups were a mandatory part of the marriage process for everybody, I think it would take finances out of the equation altogether and make marriage all about love and companionship and the like. Admittedly I don't have much knowledge or experience in the marital arena so this is just my idealistic view from the outside looking in.

Once you take out the financial stuff, it's more like 'I don't expect you to stick around otherwise'.

 

[ElaineV]

Raise your hand if you're happily married - with or without a prenup.

[[raises hand]]

 

[mlp]

Raise your hand if you're happily married - with or without a prenup.

[[raises hand]]

As I said before, you're happily married until suddenly you're not. It's easy to be smug while things are trundling along well. Time will tell how long the smugness lasts.

 

[Forster]

In both community property states and noncommunity property states in the US, the general rule is that property acquired before the marriage remains separate property.

During the marriage, property can still be acquired and owned separately, except in community property states.

But it costs a lot to protect those assets during a divorce, if it isn't spelled out in a prenup one opens oneself up to a lot of court time and interpretation as to whether there were spousal gifts, commingling of funds, etc.

Ideally people would get married and stay married and the whole issue would be mute... but they don't.

It may be selfish to want to keep what was yours if things fall apart but IMO it's equally selfish to want to take the ex to the cleaners and get him/her for everything they got. Not all divorces end up this way but enough of them do to make one give pause.

 

[mlp]

It may be selfish to want to keep what was yours if things fall apart but IMO it's equally selfish to want to take the ex to the cleaners and get him/her for everything they got. Not all divorces end up this way but enough of them do to make one give pause.

But it doesn't happen to happily married people. And happily married people always stay happily married, because they've acted with intelligence and forethought. They have struck just the perfect balance - so clearsighted that they know with certainty that their marriages will always be happy and they don't have to engage in any nonromantic stuff like prenups.

 

[Forster]

Raise your hand if you're happily married - with or without a prenup.

[[raises hand]]

I fall into that category, but I know lots of peeps who once thought that, that are no longer.

As I've said before we did not have a prenup, we had a couple of crappy cars, some crappy furniture, $0 to our names and she had $6,500 in student loans so I'm sure we started out in the negative territory so no pressing need for one. God forbid if she died and I decided to remarry at some point (exceedingly unlikely) there is no way I would get remarried w/o one and if they balked or got upset... well then it wasn't meant to be.

Then there are the kids to look out for if a second marriage were to go bad, sorry but ultimately anything I have left ought to be their inheritance not going to an ex spouse.

 

[Digger]

Well perhaps I'm basing my opinion on the more tabloid version of events here... but if an 80 year-old guy wants to give his 22 year-old trophy wife all of his money, then he can still very much do that, pre-nup or not. But a pre-nup would prevent her from marrying him in the first place on the basis of making profit from it.