Developing a thick skin

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Pickle Juice said:
Huh? What? Inflammatory jokes? I'm totally lost.


Um, since when have I said anything about bannable offenses?

Yes, I have followed my own advice. I have done my best to remain civil, reasonable, and to refrain from calling people names and being rude. As I have already said, there is no nice way to tell someone something they don't want to hear. Especially if it is coming from someone they dislike. You can continue to perceive me in this negative way if it makes you feel justified in your offense, but that doesn't invalidate what I have to say about the impact this kind of behavior has on this forum.

Not too long ago you were under the impression that I say what's on my mind, rather to resorting to passive aggressive behavior. Not too long ago you found a remark hurtful enough that you were prepared to leave this forum because of it. Do you imagine that you are the only person who relies on mods to sort things out here? Do you really think that if you don't find something offensive, no one else should? I know people here who are sticking around in the face of a lot more abuse than you've ever received here, and they aren't presuming to question you over what you find hurtful. I wonder why you feel you are in a position to dismiss what they might find upsetting.

I honestly don't know what I've ever done to merit your scrutiny. I guess maybe I should have tried calling you a misogynist as well instead of trying to put a stop to something I believed you found hurtful. I really am utterly bewwildered at this point.
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Sorry I am too sensitive for your forum and Read your last paragraph. "I guess maybe I should have called you a misogynist as well..." Go right ahead. It is no more cruel than the post above.

I never have reported a post, put anyone on ignore, or called names as far as I can remember. I never asked for your help with kfl, you pmed me.

Should have left then, am flouncing now.
 
beancounter said:
It was a general advice thread. Something I thought would be helpful, given recent events. It had nothing to do alluding to personalities or a personal attack. At any point in my OP did I mention anyone by name, like you did above?

Again, it was an opinion. Take or leave it. It wasn't worth 10 pages of justifying why people should be offended or "I have the right to be offended, whatever.

It just boggles my mind how it could be so blown out of context. If people don't agree with it, then just move on. What sense is there in carrying on page after page trying to validate how offended you are.

How people reacted in this thread reminds me so much of VB, I'm having deja vu.

Going a few rounds with you know who, would actually be refreshing at this point.
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Honestly, if you cant see how some people might be bothered and get their backs up by this thread topic, then I really dont know how to show you. I give up.
 
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I've skipped a few pages, but one thing that occurred to me that a relatively simple solution to some of this problem would be if there were a software option for people to put whole threads on ignore.
Some people may genuinely want to walk away from a thread, but there it is popping up in the 'new posts' list, and they get sucked back in, when they probably know that they aren't in the right state of mind to debate whatever it is.

This wouldn't solve the whole problem, but it might reduce it a bit.


People are often(on forums) saying 'I'm done with this thread', and I think people should be helped with that, if they want to stay away from a thread.
 
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Blobbenstein said:
I've skipped a few pages, but one thing that occurred to me that a relatively simple solution to some of this problem would be if there were a software option for people to put whole threads on ignore.
Some people may genuinely want to walk away from a thread, but there it is popping up in the 'new posts' list, and they get sucked back in, when they probably know that they aren't in the right state of mind to debate whatever it is.

This wouldn't solve the whole problem, but it might reduce it a bit.


People are often(on forums) saying 'I'm done with this thread', and I think people should be helped with that, if they want to stay away from a thread.
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Would also help with threads that contain triggering content. Right now the only option is to put the OP on ignore, but then all of their started threads disappear. Except ignore doesn't work on Tapatalk.
 
You cant put a moderator on ignore anyway. Only non-moderators.
 
Thank you for the word grue.

Actually, I've revised my thoughts about the admins coming up with expectations and rules for the debating forum in what I thought would help to make it a more sustainable and intellectually rigorous debate forum.

This will be just as interesting as an emotionally charged free-for-all where we all feel comfortable to level easy or lazy accusations against each other, assume bad motivations and act accordingly, and just throw out whatever without explanation or responsibility. That can be an exercise in self-awareness, clarity, and humor too.
 
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I had to look "grue" up also. Nice new word.

Ansciess said:
Actually, I've revised my thoughts about the admins coming up with expectations and rules for the debating forum in what I thought would help to make it a more sustainable and intellectually rigorous debate forum.

This will be just as interesting as an emotionally charged free-for-all where we all feel comfortable to level easy or lazy accusations against each other, assume bad motivations and act accordingly, and just throw out whatever without explanation or responsibility. That can be an exercise in self-awareness, clarity, and humor too.
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During the course of my life, I've never had a problem with responding in kind. :cool:

Game on.
 
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Freesia said:
Honestly, if you cant see how some people might be bothered and get their backs up by this thread topic, then I really dont know how to show you. I give up.
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What I can see is a group of uber-hyper sensitive people who take every thread they disagree with personally, even though it wasn't specifically directed at them.

Yes, I can see how some people would disagree with what I post. It's hard for some people to believe they have control over there own emotions.
It's easier just to blame others for their feeling rather than take personal responsibility for how they perceive and respond to things.

If you can't see that, I don't know what else to say right now. I however, don't give up so easily.
 
And now we have bullies chasing away good members. Gross.

And beancounter, it might be a good lesson to learn that not everybody is exactly like you, and thus will respond differently given different situations.
 
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Warning: A little long and I don't know how to do spoiler tags. :p

Hello peeps. I've been reading this thread and first, it makes me very, very sad. :( But then, I am probably one of the so-called uber sensitive people, I suppose. I have so many conflicting opinions on everything that has been said, and as annoying as usual, can see and understand bits and pieces from each side. I probably should have jumped in sooner so my thoughts won't be all over the place.

I'm not sure if this was intended strictly for serious debate threads. I would tend to agree with the OP if the subject were something general that wouldn't involve personal human emotion/experiences. My first reaction is, most of us have been together for quite awhile now. I would think we have some inkling as to what types of things/words trigger certain responses from certain members. Personally speaking, I don't understand why someone would want to say/post a comment that should be pretty obvious it would get someone's dander up or hurt their feelings. If I am to be quite honest, sometimes I feel like things are said on this board to intentionally upset people. But then I realize that just because I don't ever want to say something to hurt or anger someone, this is 2013 and the internet, and apparently, common decency rules don't apply. I learned this the hard way when I started out on VB. So while this doesn't mean that I can't or don't voice my disagreement in RL, it's a whole other ballgame on the internet. And again, I realize that because I choose to pick my words carefully when disagreeing with someone, it doesn't mean I can impose this on others. Hence, you will rarely see me in threads that have anything relevant to convey. I feel a little sad about that...not being able to "be myself" totally, but it works for me in internet land.

Like, kazy, it's easy for me to like everyone here, even during the times when I don't agree with someone or I feel like someone is being rude or hurtful to another member. Not sure why...and let's not go there. I probably couldn't handle it. :p

I also feel like some people are way better at debating than others. Member #1 might have a good and valid point about something, but Member #2 comes along and has a knack for twisting words or being really subtle about breaking the TOS, better than #1 does. That's usually when I see the trouble start. It's not always about the content of the debate. One member just happens to be more slick than another. My observation/opinion only.

But to reiterate, if the OP was trying to set guidelines for the basics of debating and the core definition of what a debate is (supposed) to be, I think I get the purpose of the post. And, I've actually read something like this before...how we cannot control how we feel, but sometimes, in certain, situations, it is beneficial to work on how we react. My co-worker has been in therapy for years and she is always spouting this. And I am not directing this to anyone in particular here as many of the threads go awry because some people don't necessarily play fair. Just saying it isn't totally without merit.

This is strictly my opinion and not, in any way, asking others to do or feel the same, but I would rather people try and be kinder/more understanding, than trying to make everyone toughen up. I'm not talking about everyone being all nicey, nicey, dancing through the tulips, either, or trying to make this a boring forum. But I don't quite get why it would be such a big deal to try and consider someone's feelings before saying or posting something. It just seem like the right thing to do. At least to me, IMO.

I think the world needs more soft touches. (Stole that from somewhere.)

So, I hope I haven't ticked off/offended anyone. I tried really hard not to and just wanted to express my take on the subject matter of this thread. :D
 
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This whole saga is just making me learn that I have to avoid/ignore certain posts on this forum. :fp: There are a lot of people on VV that I like and respect so it won't be too difficult.:)

ledboots said:
Ok, let us discuss this post, since it was apparently a surprise that some people may not like to be called "kids" and then given a snippy lecture by someone who is not their mother, employer, or teacher.

You tell us to be nice and to reign in our sarcasm and need to insult in the very post in which you are yourself sarcastic, and you even tell people to gtfo if they don't like it!

If this is a silly game to teach us a lesson, or to demonstrate behaviors that we should avoid on the board, please let us in on it. If it isn't, I am just amazed that you would write that post and hit submit.
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I have to say Ledboots that I did like you (even though we disagree on a couple of topics) but I am liking you more and more.:up:
 
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