Developing a thick skin

[Spang]

Or does everyone think we're in this for the fun of it?

For the prestige, I thought.

 

[beancounter]

I was trying to be helpful.

I certainly didn't start this thread to offend people.

But at the end of the day, my opinion is just that, my opinion.

Take it or leave it. The end.

 

[kibbleforlola]

So the whole purpose of this thread was just to give myself a gateway to saying racist/sexist/bigoted things?

Well, I didn't mean you specifically, I meant I've observed that behavior in the past amongst others who give similar advice.

But you have said some problematic things before, I wouldn't say intentionally racist/whatever, just maybe unchecked privilege/ not taking the time to think things through.

 

[Muggle]

Are you interpreting that as an insult then?

I know I wasn't asked this question, but in the overall content and the tone of your post that "Sorry kids" comes over as condescending and rude.

 

[Pickle Juice]

For the prestige, I thought.

When I saw IS announce he needed mods, especially some who had some skills they could offer to help him with stuff like adding smilies and designing skins, and I saw it would only require a year long commitment, I felt it was time I gave something back to this community of people I had come to know at VB. I knew from past experience that there is no prestige, just hard work and no gratitude. Even abuse. The only satisfaction you get is knowing that at the very least, your intentions are good. I didn't really want to volunteer, but I made myself, because I thought I had something to offer to help build the community. I guess I should have quit once I got the smilies done.

 

[mlp]

I know I wasn't asked this question, but in the overall content and the tone of your post that "Sorry kids" comes over as condescending and rude.

I guess that is another example of how we all interpret things differently, depending on our own backgrounds and experiences. I've always perceived being addressed as part of a group/addressing a group as "kids" as casually affectionate. The same with "guys", while I perceive "people" to be less affectionate.

 

[beancounter]

But you have said some problematic things before, I wouldn't say intentionally racist/whatever, just maybe unchecked privilege/ not taking the time to think things through.

And that, of course, is your opinion, not a fact....

And as far as not thinking things through, well I don't spend time worrying about the PC police, or spend time wordsmith-ing to eliminate the risk of offending anyone.

Context and intent matter, not just words alone....but I have a feeling you disagree.

 

[mlp]

When I saw IS announce he needed mods, especially some who had some skills they could offer to help him with stuff like adding smilies and designing skins, and I saw it would only require a year long commitment, I felt it was time I gave something back to this community of people I had come to know at VB. I knew from past experience that there is no prestige, just hard work and no gratitude. Even abuse. The only satisfaction you get is knowing that at the very least, your intentions are good. I didn't really want to volunteer, but I made myself, because I thought I had something to offer to help build the community. I guess I should have quit once I got the smilies done.

I assumed Spang was kidding when he said "for the prestige"; anyone who has been on discussion boards surely knows that being a mod, especially one who actually puts effort into it, is a thankless job. I know that I have never been committed enough to any discussion board to want to do it.

 

[Spang]

I knew from past experience that there is no prestige, just hard work and no gratitude.

I know. I wasn't being serious.

Also, I don't use smilies, but they're a great addition and some of the best I've seen.

 

[kibbleforlola]

Oh no, I agree that context and intent matter, but I have a feeling we have a different definition of those words.

 

[Pickle Juice]

I assumed Spang was kidding when he said "for the prestige"; anyone who has been on discussion boards surely knows that being a mod, especially one who actually puts effort into it, is a thankless job. I know that I have never been committed enough to any discussion board to want to do it.

A lot of people actually think there is status involved though, so I thought it was worth addressing.

 

[Muggle]

I guess that is another example of how we all interpret things differently, depending on our own backgrounds and experiences. I've always perceived being addressed as part of a group/addressing a group as "kids" as casually affectionate. The same with "guys", while I perceive "people" to be less affectionate.

Which is the point I was trying to make in my earlier post.

Just a random thing. In everyday speech I tend to call people sweetie or sweetie pie a lot (it's a local thing) but I try not to do it online as I know some people don't like or some people find it condescending. So I don't do it.
A few might slip through as I always try to write as if I was having a spoken conversation (I can't express myself through writing very well) but overall I think I mange to not type it.

 

[Moll Flanders]

I was trying to be helpful.

I certainly didn't start this thread to offend people.

But at the end of the day, my opinion is just that, my opinion.

Take it or leave it. The end.

When I first read this thread today I thought it was bizarre that you started the thread as it was you, Mlp and Pickle Juice who had very public hissy fits recently on here about stuff said about you all on another forum by you know who. You all seemed to be massively offended but now you all seem to be trying to convince people that you rarely get offended. It's just weird.

 

[beancounter]

When I first read this thread today I thought it was bizarre that you started the thread as it was you, Mlp and Pickle Juice who had very public hissy fits recently on here about stuff said about you all on another forum by you know who. You all seemed to be massively offended but now you all seem to be trying to convince people that you rarely get offended. It's just weird.

There is a big difference between the the years of active trolling of you know who, and (I hope) the genuine misunderstandings here recently.

That is simply not an apples to apples comparison.

 

[ledboots]

I think there's a lot of that going on. This whole thread is being deliberately twisted to make it look you are trying to tell other people what they should think and feel, when all it is is a set of alternative ways to react to something that hurts your feelings or offends you.

I was the one who came in here and said that was all very well and good, but that there are certain ways of reacting to others that are no longer going to be accepted here. None of the people engaging in them want to stand up and admit it, so I guess they are creating another problem where none exists, ie "quit telling us what to do".

Sorry kids, but on forums, just like in real life, there are codes of conduct you are required to abide by if you want to enjoy the privilege of belonging to the community. If reigning in your sarcasm, passive aggression, and need to insult, offend, or otherwise make personal attacks when you can't actually win the argument you've gotten yourself into is completely out of your control, you can certainly find yourself some free software and make your own forum where you can write your own rules and abuse any poor fool who happens upon it and has the bad luck to express an opinion of which you do not approve.

Ok, let us discuss this post, since it was apparently a surprise that some people may not like to be called "kids" and then given a snippy lecture by someone who is not their mother, employer, or teacher.

You tell us to be nice and to reign in our sarcasm and need to insult in the very post in which you are yourself sarcastic, and you even tell people to gtfo if they don't like it!

If this is a silly game to teach us a lesson, or to demonstrate behaviors that we should avoid on the board, please let us in on it. If it isn't, I am just amazed that you would write that post and hit submit.

 

[RabbitLuvr]

There is a big difference between the the years of active trolling of you know who, and (I hope) the genuine misunderstandings here recently.

That is simply not an apples to apples comparison.

I think the point was that certain people had tantrums about the incident, and are now trying to give advice to others on how to behave.

 

[Moll Flanders]

There is a big difference between the the years of active trolling of you know who, and (I hope) the genuine misunderstandings here recently.

That is simply not an apples to apples comparison.

I don't think I was lucky enough to enjoy much of the trolling on VB in the Tame era but you must realise that some people get upset when they read comments that personally offend them as you felt upset at remarks made about you.

 

[Pickle Juice]

I think the point was that certain people had tantrums about the incident, and are now trying to give advice to others on how to behave.

When I first read this thread today I thought it was bizarre that you started the thread as it was you, Mlp and Pickle Juice who had very public hissy fits recently on here about stuff said about you all on another forum by you know who. You all seemed to be massively offended but now you all seem to be trying to convince people that you rarely get offended. It's just weird.

This just shows how unable you are to assess the motivations of other people.

We have private sections here. There is an assumption, when posting in a private section, that what is being posted in there will not be carried out of that section. Not only that what is posted in private won't be quoted or referred to in public sections of this forum, that it won't be posted anywhere. Not without the knowledge and permission of the person making the post, at any rate.

Now, I know you don't have a problem making free with other people's private business. That doesn't mean that other people shouldn't mind it if there is a chance that someone who has access to stuff they have said in private goes elsewhere and shares it.

As a mod, I feel like it is my responsibility to ensure that trust between members can be maintained, and that people understand that breaches of privacy are not acceptable.

In spite of yours and others' attempts to make some of us look like we are really foaming at the mouth over all this nonsense, but are trying to cover it up to make ourselves look good, I could not care less what das_nut or Tame have to say about me personally. I've been told I ought to have a chain of severed penises hanging from my neck, and if I can manage to find that amusing rather than insulting, I can assure you that there isn't much on here that I have taken personal offense to. Again, just because I am not offended doesn't mean I can't recognize when people are trying to offend me.

But what I objected to about the situation you can't seem to let go of wasn't about me personally. I have posted nothing here that I would be upset to find being discussed elsewhere, thank goodness. Fortunately I am not the kind of person who thinks that as long as it doesn't impact me in a negative way I don't need to concern myself with it. I don't know what was said about me, I don't want to know, and I don't care. My concern was for those who felt the sense of trust here had been undermined. And yes, I was outraged at the homophobic slurs being indulged in there at the expense of people other than myself.

So yeah, weird, huh? Excuse me for having a hissy fit because someone thought it was funny to call IS a pussy and a fag, and his wife Jen a beard. I guess because of this I'm hardly in a position to tell anyone else to be nice, right?

 

[mlp]

I don't think I was lucky enough to enjoy much of the trolling on VB in the Tame era but you must realise that some people get upset when they read comments that personally offend them as you felt upset at remarks made about you.

I can't speak for anyone else, but let me assure you that I have never been upset or offended at anything said about me, either on GB or anywhere else. I do tend to get angry at people who insult people about whom I care. I also despise two facedness, and if someone wants to say something derogatory about anyone, they should have the guts to say it in public instead of acting one way on a board that the subjects don't have access to, while pretending to be otherwise around the subject(s) of their derogatory comments.

 

[mlp]

I think the point was that certain people had tantrums about the incident, and are now trying to give advice to others on how to behave.

You know, if you had been the subject of those comments on GB, I would have stood up for you just as I tried to stand up for others (and as I have stood up for you on at least one occasion here).

But since you perceive that to be a tantrum, I won't make the mistake of doing so again.