Do you believe in spanking as a form of discipline?

[Fyvel]

Anyway one of my most effective consequences was when my youngest got mad he liked to slam his bedroom door, told him one more time his door was coming off for a week... he didn't believe me. Hasn't slammed a door since, lol.

I'm bettting that was a lot more effective than a swat on the butt ever would be!

For the record, I don't think that using the occasional swat on the butt makes someone a bad parent. Misguided or frustrated or acting in the moment, maybe. I'll save the bad parent label for someone who really abuses their kids.

 

[Forster]

Did it hurt the child? If not, why would it be effective?

Shock value, a physical cue that mom/dad was really, really unhappy with them.

 

[Lord Snot]

Shock value, a physical cue that mom/dad was really, really unhappy with them.

So it doesn't hurt them?

 

[Forster]

I'm bettting that was a lot more effective than a swat on the butt ever would be!

For the record, I don't think that using the occasional swat on the butt makes someone a bad parent. Misguided or frustrated or acting in the moment, maybe. I'll save the bad parent label for someone who really abuses their kids.

He was eight at the time and angry, spanking or anything physical would have done nothing but escalate it so obviously it wouldn't have been effective or appropriate given the circumstances.

 

[Forster]

So it doesn't hurt them?

No, not physically anyway. When I say shock it's more like the first and only time I ever, ever heard my mom use the F word... it was kind of like a holy **** moment.

 

[Lord Snot]

No, not physically anyway. When I say shock it's more like the first and only time I ever, ever heard my mom use the F word... it was kind of like a holy **** moment.

I don't understand why it would shock them to be hit when it didn't hurt? It would have to be a really light slap, you'd barely feel it.

 

[Forster]

I don't understand why it would shock them to be hit when it didn't hurt? It would have to be a really light slap, you'd barely feel it.

Normal loving parent suddenly showing extreme displeasure in a way that is totally out of character... most young kids that will shock. But if it becomes routine, does nothing, much like if my mom swore like a sailor hearing her say the F word one more time wouldn't shock me.

 

[Lord Snot]

Normal loving parent suddenly showing extreme displeasure in a way that is totally out of character... most young kids that will shock. But if it becomes routine, does nothing, much like if my mom swore like a sailor hearing her say the F word one more time wouldn't shock me.

But if you "tapped" them light enough that it didn't hurt, I really don't understand how that would be shocking. Surely you touch them harder than that in a positive way with hugs or rough and tumble games, they would be used to it. I can only see it shocking them if their loving parent suddenly causes them intentional physical pain?

 

[Forster]

But if you "tapped" them light enough that it didn't hurt, I really don't understand how that would be shocking. Surely you touch them harder than that in a positive way with hugs or rough and tumble games, they would be used to it. I can only see it shocking them if their loving parent suddenly causes them intentional physical pain?

Not tapped, swatted... on a diapered butt. One can feel things without them being painful. Nor is it used in a vacuum, the swat is an amplifier to the rest of ones verbal and non verbal communication. It says this is really, really serious.

 

[Lord Snot]

Not tapped, swatted... on a diapered butt. One can feel things without them being painful. Nor is it used in a vacuum, the swat is an amplifier to the rest of ones verbal and non verbal communication. It says this is really, really serious.

It's just not adding up to me.

 

[Forster]

It's just not adding up to me.

Don't know what to tell you then. Every family, parent, kid etc. is different, lots of dynamics going on. I do know what worked on disciplining and teaching my kids and I was also quite flexible depending on the situation, doesn't mean it's a one size fits all type of a thing.

Anywho I'm quite glad I'm long past that stage of parenting and the kids all turned out well w/o too many parent inflicted childhood traumas, lol.

 

[Lord Snot]

Don't know what to tell you then. Every family, parent, kid etc. is different, lots of dynamics going on. I do know what worked on disciplining and teaching my kids and I was also quite flexible depending on the situation, doesn't mean it's a one size fits all type of a thing.

Anywho I'm quite glad I'm long past that stage of parenting and the kids all turned out well w/o too many parent inflicted childhood traumas, lol.

What I meant was I don't believe that if you hit someone hard enough to shock them, it doesn't hurt, and I also believe if you hit them too lightly to hurt, it wouldn't shock.

I think there are loads of forms of discipline that work, but some are better for kids than others, some are more ethical, and some help a better child-parent relationship. In the UK, hitting your children (including what you would call spanking) is illegal and has been for a long time. If someone witnesses a child being hit and reports it, there will be serious consequences. I'm glad for that.

 

[Forster]

What I meant was I don't believe that if you hit someone hard enough to shock them, it doesn't hurt, and I also believe if you hit them too lightly to hurt, it wouldn't shock.

I think there are loads of forms of discipline that work, but some are better for kids than others, some are more ethical, and some help a better child-parent relationship. In the UK, hitting your children (including what you would call spanking) is illegal and has been for a long time. If someone witnesses a child being hit and reports it, there will be serious consequences. I'm glad for that.

You don't have to believe it and in a lot of cases you might be right, but given the proper set of circumstances I do believe it does. All one has to do is look at the reaction from the child to see if it took or not. Anyway parenting is a messy business in practice, rarely are any discipline methods used black and white.

I was also never one of those parents who made their kids "share" there belongings with others. I just told them if you don't want to share, fine by me, but don't come crying when they won't share their stuff with you.

 

[Veggiemama]

When I refer to lazy parenting I'm referring to personal experiences with people in my life. A lot of the mothers that I know/knew were teen moms or in their early 20's. I'm not sure if that had anything todo with it but in my conversations with them and our discussions regarding reward systems/time outs the answer I received most of the time was that spanking took care of the problem sooner. With timeouts kids are going to continuously get out of the time out chair and it takes a lot of time, effort and consistency to keep putting them back on there and for them to learn to change the unacceptable behaviors. Again, age may have played a big role. I know that I, personally, have MUCH more patience now going into my 30's then I did approaching my 20's.

 

[Veggiemama]

Btw, I don't think parents that spank are necessarily BAD parents. I just wish, for the sake of their child, they used other methods. Peace & Love!!

 

[nog]

Do I believe that spanking is used as a form of discipline? Yes.
Do I agree with using spanking as a form of discipline? Not so much.

 

[Wolfie]

When I refer to lazy parenting I'm referring to personal experiences with people in my life. A lot of the mothers that I know/knew were teen moms or in their early 20's. I'm not sure if that had anything todo with it but in my conversations with them and our discussions regarding reward systems/time outs the answer I received most of the time was that spanking took care of the problem sooner. With timeouts kids are going to continuously get out of the time out chair and it takes a lot of time, effort and consistency to keep putting them back on there and for them to learn to change the unacceptable behaviors. Again, age may have played a big role. I know that I, personally, have MUCH more patience now going into my 30's then I did approaching my 20's.

Patience does come with age, that's for sure. Had my youngest nephew been born when I was early 20s, I may have clobbered him. Not trying to make light of child abuse of course. The kid is just a handful and then some.

 

[AeryFairy]

I was spanked as a child once, I was maybe two or three and I nearly got myself hit by a car because I was being a typical toddler and running around everywhere. My nanny grabbed me out of the way and spanked me once and told me never to do that again, ever. I didn't do it again, and I don't behave violently towards others or anything else because of that experience. I think in this situation, it was okay to spank, although there are equally effective measures of discipline than don't involve pain.

I was also slapped by my mother once, across the face, when I was significantly older. She was nagging my dad (more like verbally laying into him) about something I thought was insignificant (his choice of tie for dinner, or something similar). I stood up for him, she hit me and told me to shut up. In this instance, not so okay at all. Still didn't teach me to be violent, but taught me to like my mum less.

So, I'm not against it in situation one, but if you're just doing it to assert your dominance over someone smaller and weaker than you, then you probably need some therapy.

 

[mlp]

General agreement with AeryFairy and Forster.

The best parents I know are a couple who don't use any form of physical punishment, but they are also very strict and firm. They never raise their voices, they are never impatient, they never use an unpleasant tone of voice, they always pay attention to what their kids are doing and saying. They are highly unusual among parents IME. Their kids are amazing.

There are better ways of disciplining a child than spanking. But there are also things that parents do (and most parents do regularly) which are much more damaging to a child, such as not discipling, and/or using words and tone of voice that leave scars that are much more difficult to get past than a mere spanking.

 

[jeneticallymodified]

never for legal minors, never for someone who can't consent.

I would argue that if you still remember the spankings you were in fact to old to be spanked.

you do know that negative experiences and events can impact somebody psychologically regardless of whether or not they've been able to form or retain a conscious memory of the specific event?

babies who aren't hugged when they're very small, or who have been born into stressful environments, can develop personality disorders in later years and have long term psychological issues even when they've been adopted into or raised by normal, loving, well adjusted families at aged 18 months old. children are teeny tiny sponges whether we like it or not.