Do you believe in spanking as a form of discipline?

[sallyomally]

I was spanked as a child,and with a belt. Once, the belt came loose and the buckle hit my leg and left a big bloody whelp..If this had happened today,my mom would probably have been in big trouble. I remember when we were around eight or nine, we would much rather have the spanking than the dreaded lecture;just get it over with.I don't think the spankings accomplished whatever it was my mom intended. She grew up in a home where spanking was the norm,and in turn used it as a means of discipline with her own children;it was never questioned. I recall spanking my daughter once when she was around four,and just feeling that something was so wrong. That was the first and last time I ever hit my child. We have always had a very close relationship,and discussing the issues at hand and the very rare grounding always worked.
The main issue I have with spanking is that it seems to be done out of anger and frustration on the parent's part. I mean,haven't we all seen the flustered mom whacking away at the screaming kid at the mall or the grocery store? Kids are world class button pushers.They know when,where,and which ones,and it takes a whole lot of self control on the parent's part sometimes,but hitting is never OK.Never.

 

[jeneticallymodified]

as a small child the thought that i might be spanked, never mind actually being spanked, overall just made me very very exasperated. i'd cry angry tears at the injustice and indiginity of the whole thing, not frightened ones, shameful ones, or sorry ones over my poor behaviour.

even at three i couldn't believe that my mum thought it was remotely acceptable to put me over her knee and whack me. she'd been telling me since i was tiny not to hit other people. especially smaller ones. it definitely wasn't the case that i would behave better because i was threatened with being hit. i think more likely, the feeling of injustice that arose from being told that i was going to be hit if i didn't calm down (and it was normally the case that i'd get a spanking for just pushing too far, after repeated warnings to knock off my misbehaviour) just served to push me even further away from feeling remotely rational, composed, and able to rein myself in, and right over the edge to being a proper little pain in the arse.

little kids get really really hyped up, and carried away, and they do things that even they know aren't acceptable. i remember thinking that i was making poor choices, as i made them, and that i wasn't going to like the consequences, at 4 or 5. we're just nowhere near to finished maturing at that age. nowhere near. i don't know how smacking is supposed to help with that. :/ yes, they push boundaries. and yes, parents should push back, cos that feeling of structure is an important one. do they need to push back physically by lashing out, though? no.

if spanking a kid to get their attention or snap them out of some dangerous misbehaviour, is the intention... you can do that with a loud shout. unless you're one of those parents who yells all the flipping time, to the extent that the kids just tune it out. my mum could get me with a mere look. unfortunately 'the look' didn't result in my sobbing myself to near exhaustion in my bedroom, then sleeping for an hour or two while she calmed down elsewhere- so in that respect, i suppose the spanking worked. i still wish she would have just had me run myself ragged around the garden while she got herself a glass of wine and talked to one of her empathetic sisters on the phone about the trials of parenting a smartarsed toddler, instead- it wouldn't have made me feel so hateful towards her.

 

[mlp]

I think it's different for different kids. The only time I was ever upset at being hit was once when company was over and my mother asked me to bring her her scissors. In putting them down on the end table, I dropped them accidentally, they clattered against the finish of the table, and she slapped me. I was mortified, because it was done in front of guests. Most other times, I would know ahead of time that if I did X, I would get a spanking, and I would calculate whether doing X was worth the price of a spanking. My mother used a large wooden cooking spoon. The last time she spanked me, I was in seventh grade. It was a Saturday, she was out in the field, and I was supposed to be cleaning the house. Instead, I read six books that I had smuggled home from the school library. That time, she broke the wooden spoon over my butt.

I never cried. For one, it was a point of pride for me, and two, it would have resulted in getting hit more - my mother did not approve of crying.

What made me sick to my stomach was words - my mother had a real gift for using them as weapons. She could eviscerate with words.

 

[Lord Snot]

never for legal minors, never for someone who can't consent.



you do know that negative experiences and events can impact somebody psychologically regardless of whether or not they've been able to form or retain a conscious memory of the specific event?

babies who aren't hugged when they're very small, or who have been born into stressful environments, can develop personality disorders in later years and have long term psychological issues even when they've been adopted into or raised by normal, loving, well adjusted families at aged 18 months old. children are teeny tiny sponges whether we like it or not.

Jen, your posts are impossible to read on the theme I'm using which is a shame because I love your posts

 

[Queerasaurus Rex]

as a small child the thought that i might be spanked, never mind actually being spanked, overall just made me very very exasperated. i'd cry angry tears at the injustice and indiginity of the whole thing, not frightened ones, shameful ones, or sorry ones over my poor behaviour.

even at three i couldn't believe that my mum thought it was remotely acceptable to put me over her knee and whack me. she'd been telling me since i was tiny not to hit other people. especially smaller ones. it definitely wasn't the case that i would behave better because i was threatened with being hit. i think more likely, the feeling of injustice that arose from being told that i was going to be hit if i didn't calm down (and it was normally the case that i'd get a spanking for just pushing too far, after repeated warnings to knock off my misbehaviour) just served to push me even further away from feeling remotely rational, composed, and able to rein myself in, and right over the edge to being a proper little pain in the arse.

little kids get really really hyped up, and carried away, and they do things that even they know aren't acceptable. i remember thinking that i was making poor choices, as i made them, and that i wasn't going to like the consequences, at 4 or 5. we're just nowhere near to finished maturing at that age. nowhere near. i don't know how smacking is supposed to help with that. :/ yes, they push boundaries. and yes, parents should push back, cos that feeling of structure is an important one. do they need to push back physically by lashing out, though? no.

if spanking a kid to get their attention or snap them out of some dangerous misbehaviour, is the intention... you can do that with a loud shout. unless you're one of those parents who yells all the flipping time, to the extent that the kids just tune it out. my mum could get me with a mere look. unfortunately 'the look' didn't result in my sobbing myself to near exhaustion in my bedroom, then sleeping for an hour or two while she calmed down elsewhere- so in that respect, i suppose the spanking worked. i still wish she would have just had me run myself ragged around the garden while she got herself a glass of wine and talked to one of her empathetic sisters on the phone about the trials of parenting a smartarsed toddler, instead- it wouldn't have made me feel so hateful towards her.

That's almost scary how I have the exact same memories, of the same angry tears, and especially sobbing into exhaustion in my bedroom then falling asleep after being spanked.

 

[Digger]

I honestly think it depends on the situation. Giving your child a swat as he/she approaches a dangerous situation (boiling pan on the stove, electrical outlet, running toward the street, etc) is a bit different than spanking as a punishment but even so, the spankings I got from my parents/teachers and catholic nuns/priests as punishments were probably well-earned on my part.

 

[jeneticallymodified]

Jen, your posts are impossible to read on the theme I'm using which is a shame because I love your posts

change your theme.

 

[Lord Snot]

change your theme.

Don't make me spank you, young lady.

 

[jeneticallymodified]

That's almost scary how I have the exact same memories, of the same angry tears, and especially sobbing into exhaustion in my bedroom then falling asleep after being spanked.

nah, it's not. deep down we're all pretty similar in many respects.

I honestly think it depends on the situation. Giving your child a swat as he/she approaches a dangerous situation (boiling pan on the stove, electrical outlet, running toward the street, etc) is a bit different than spanking as a punishment but even so, the spankings I got from my parents/teachers and catholic nuns/priests as punishments were probably well-earned on my part.

a slap to the hand to move it away is really different than a whallop on the arse. i spose 'spank' may be a hard tod efine term...

 

[jeneticallymodified]

Don't make me spank you, young lady.

[slightly off topic}
why?

i'll stop with the theme for now (i'm too lazy anyway) but maybe you can black out the text on my previous posts for now, cos i dunno what the default font was. [/off topic]

 

[peacefulveglady]

I believe that people are confusing child abuse with spanking, I was spanked as a child with a belt or shoe to show me whom is the boss in the house, I do believe that parents sometime goes out of control with their anger and spanking should not be that hard. If more children would be spanked today they would be shown whom is the boss and they would not be out of control. I don't believe spanking a child over spilled milk or writing on the walls or something nature, I would spank a child if the continue with a rebellious attidude and desrepsects their elders and other people. For example at Christmas time my sister with the son had Christmas , it was the second Christmas celebration in a week she had done because of my other sister had to go out of town with her family then. My sister's son loves snakes and has them around other small creatures. This son kept on putting the snakes and stuff in my husbands face and upsetting him and after my husband was saying stop it , he continued, after awhile my husband got sick with a panic at and people were thinking he was faking, Since my other sister is a nurse she helped my husband to get better and he was still sick to do Christmas we almost didn't have Christmas gift opening on camera because this nephew of mine wanted to be rebellious and not listen to no one and still stuck those snakes in my husbands face and all. Even my husband started to shout out to my nephew in a displine manner and his father said stop talking to my son like that and my sister's don't believe in spanking. If my nephew would've been spanked earlier in his life and had a father that did more with him, he would've been more respecting.
So I do believe spanking is to show whom is the boss and not just lazy parenting, when an average parent spanks they go after the kid is spanked and explained why they are spanked, that is called discipline to show whom the boss is.
Right now in delware they are outlawing spanking and putting parents in Jail for spanking, do you really think parents these days should go to jail because they are showing children whom the boss?

 

[thefadedone]

I believe that people are confusing child abuse with spanking, I was spanked as a child with a belt or shoe to show me whom is the boss in the house, I do believe that parents sometime goes out of control with their anger and spanking should not be that hard. If more children would be spanked today they would be shown whom is the boss and they would not be out of control. I don't believe spanking a child over spilled milk or writing on the walls or something nature, I would spank a child if the continue with a rebellious attidude and desrepsects their elders and other people. For example at Christmas time my sister with the son had Christmas , it was the second Christmas celebration in a week she had done because of my other sister had to go out of town with her family then. My sister's son loves snakes and has them around other small creatures. This son kept on putting the snakes and stuff in my husbands face and upsetting him and after my husband was saying stop it , he continued, after awhile my husband got sick with a panic at and people were thinking he was faking, Since my other sister is a nurse she helped my husband to get better and he was still sick to do Christmas we almost didn't have Christmas gift opening on camera because this nephew of mine wanted to be rebellious and not listen to no one and still stuck those snakes in my husbands face and all. Even my husband started to shout out to my nephew in a displine manner and his father said stop talking to my son like that and my sister's don't believe in spanking. If my nephew would've been spanked earlier in his life and had a father that did more with him, he would've been more respecting.
So I do believe spanking is to show whom is the boss and not just lazy parenting, when an average parent spanks they go after the kid is spanked and explained why they are spanked, that is called discipline to show whom the boss is.
Right now in delware they are outlawing spanking and putting parents in Jail for spanking, do you really think parents these days should go to jail because they are showing children whom the boss?

There is so much wrong with this post imo.
So you're a lazy parent if you don't hit your kids with a belt or a shoe?
"Showing children who the boss of the house is" by hitting them = instilling fear in a child. There are more effective ways to teach and raise your child to have respect for others, including their elders.

 

[kibbleforlola]

Sorry, PVL, but hitting a kid with a belt or a shoe is still abuse.

 

[Chryssie]

Sorry, PVL, but hitting a kid with a belt or a shoe is still abuse.

I agree.....

 

[thefadedone]

Sorry, PVL, but hitting a kid with a belt or a shoe is still abuse.

I agree.....

I believe that people are confusing child abuse with spanking, I was spanked as a child with a belt or shoe to show me whom is the boss in the house

I think you're the one confused.

 

[uno]

There can be a time and a place. I've never used anything but my hand, but i've swatted my kids to get them to realize that i'm serious. and it worked.

 

[peacefulveglady]

Sorry, PVL, but hitting a kid with a belt or a shoe is still abuse.

Yes I agree with that also and I don't say spanking a child with a belt or shoe is a great source of spanking, Spanking suppose to be gentle not to abuse and bruise and bleed the child. I wasn't agreeing what my parent done with their spanking and I am sorry If I seemed like I am in full support of the belt. I do believe I'll use a belt and hang it up and that sometimes shows children that if the mess up they will get spanked, my friend did that to their child years ago and it worked for him.
This is a very touchy subject that its up with the parents of the child what is best to discipline. I know someone also that goes around and chases their little one around the house with the spoon while they want to spank him. It don't work and a few times I was about to say why don't you just grab the child sit with the child and speak to him or her about what they are doing wrong instead of chasing it with a spoon,the first few times I was amused and started laughing but it happened each time we went over there and especially when he didn't eat. While at supper they give him alot on his plate and was forcing him to eat, that is not how you deal with a child that don't finish his food that young he has a small belly and he got spanked for not eating. I would not do that if I had a child, I would give the child small amounts and let them eat in their own pace.
So again I don't like the belt or shoe either, its suppose to be a soft spanking paddle you use for spanking not your hand, not your belt, not a shoe or a electric cord or a tree branch, Its suppose to be a soft spanking paddle.

 

[kibbleforlola]

Even hitting a kid with a "soft spanking paddle" (wtfever that is) is still abuse. Hitting a child is abuse. Period.

 

[peacefulveglady]

For the record my last spanking was when I was 18 years of age, I know this is way too old, but I had a high school boyfriend call me that summer and we were preparing to leave for Disney world union trip for my father in the morning, this boy called at 1 am or earlier and my dad was upset at me for having him call me that late and he didn't like him anyhow , so I shouted I loved him and all and after that I got the worst belt swats in my spanking history, for a month I had a big bruise on my hip for weeks and I was thinking of going to the water park that was there and when we arrived I decided no because it was very bad.
That was a beating I got not a spanking because my dad was half asleep wanted to sleep and I wanted to sleep and things went out of control. That is when my depression started because I wanted a Christian and peaceful house like my Born Again Christian friends were, they were all peaceful and they accepted me in their home daily that year and around explaining stuff , they know and knew of some early start of my depression and feeling scared of my parents especially my dad.
It took many years after I got married and I moved away when my parents started to apperciate me better and now we are getting along.

 

[Forster]

Force is not the best way to teach a child who is "boss", I'd even go as far to say it is the worst way. IMO a lot of what is wrong with this country is because of the mindset might makes right.

I look/looked at parenting more as a teaching roll, ie how the hell to get along with others, become self reliant, survive and be happy in this world. When kids are young they are completely self centered... they do not have the life experience to fully understand the impact of their actions on others and hence they need to be taught to listen (I hesitate to say obey) to their parents in certain situations. Not blind obedience either, I always tried to explain why in a way they would understand, not always successfully, but I tried.