How to deal with "why are you so quiet?" questions

[Katrina]

I've had to deal with this my whole life and I still can't think of a good response. IMO it's rude to put someone on the spot like that. How would they like it if I asked them "why do you talk so much?"
Anyway, I'm going to an event this weekend with tons of people, and there's a good chance this will come up. It's a friend's celebration, so I'd rather not be snarky.

Responses I've thought of so far . .

"I enjoy being the fly on the wall."
"I'm doing it on purpose to annoy you!"
"If I tell you that, I will have to kill you!"
"I like to maintain my aura of mystery"
"I like to be the Silent Bob of the group."
"It's a personality trait. Some of us are more quiet than others." (Would it be too condescending to say that? It's true though, and I have a feeling it would make them feel stupid and shut up.)

Then of course there is well-intention but ignorant "You should talk more!!!!"
I'm thinking of saying something like

"If you want me to talk more, I'd be happy to answer whatever questions you have for me."
"Says who? Who made up that rule?"
"You should talk less"
"I disagree"
"Oh okay. Thank you for your opinion."
"It's okay for people to be who they are."
"Thanks, but I'm happy just like this."


What do you think of my responses? Any other ideas for me to try?

 

[Mischief]

I'm busy planning my next murder.


Shhhhh...you're interrupting the voices in my head.


I've been laying bets with myself about who would be the first person to ask me why I'm so quiet.

 

[thefadedone]

Ugh I hate this question. I agree that it is rude. The questioner might have good intentions by trying to engage you in conversation, but it's still very awkward and uncomfortable. I usually don't know how to respond either. Most of the time I just shrug my shoulders and say "I'm just a quiet person" or "I don't have anything to say".

I like your responses. I might have to try them myself next time.

How about the dreaded "You need to smile! It can't be that bad" comments.

 

[Mischief]

Truly, when someone asks me an inappropriate question, or one that I otherwise don't answer, I give them an outrageous answer. They usually figure out that they shouldn't have asked that question.

You can also "answer" by just ignoring their question and asking one of your own, on a different topic. That works well.

 

[Muggle]

My go-to response is a big smile and "because I know there's no chance of having a decent conversation here"

 

[SuicideBlonde]

I can't think of something to say that you would understand. (haahaa, no. A bit rude)


I smile or shrug. It is embarrassing a bit. Then wander off.

 

[Amy SF]

I just shrug my shoulders and say "I"m thinking." I don't go into specifics of what I'm thinking about and they don't ask me. They just wander off.

 

[Katrina]

Ugh I hate this question. I agree that it is rude. The questioner might have good intentions by trying to engage you in conversation, but it's still very awkward and uncomfortable. I usually don't know how to respond either. Most of the time I just shrug my shoulders and say "I'm just a quiet person" or "I don't have anything to say".

I like your responses. I might have to try them myself next time.

How about the dreaded "You need to smile! It can't be that bad" comments.

oh god I hate those!!! I've had complete strangers tell me to smile. WTF?? Don't tell me what to do with my face!!

I haven't tested this out yet, but I got this idea from someone who would say this whenever someone told him that he should laugh more. He would say "okay (person's name), I'll make sure to do that just for you!" He would say it good humouredly, but it would make the person realize what a dick they were being. I know that because he did it to me once lol and I realized I shouldn't have said that to him. I know someone else who would say "mmm. Sorry." Everyone always found themselves telling him he doesn't need to apologize! lol.

 

[kazyeeqen]

Because I'm an introvert. We're like that.

 

[SummerRain]

Yeah, I think this question is at best misguided and at worst rude. If nothing else, if somebody is quiet because they're shy, putting them on the spot is just going to make them feel more shy/awkward.

I think I'd just ask a question back. "Why am I so quiet?" or "How do you mean?". Maybe that way they'll explain themselves more, and I can work out if they're being annoying/rude or if it's a genuine burning question or if they are actually trying to be nice.

 

[Clueless Git]

Can't help ..

No one ever asks me that.

 

[Moll Flanders]

I used to get this comment a lot when I was younger as I was quite shy. It's very annoying.

I can't think of something to say that you would understand. (haahaa, no. A bit rude)

 

[ledboots]

"Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others." ~Buddha.

I need to listen to that one more.

 

[RabbitLuvr]

Most of the time I just shrug my shoulders and say "I'm just a quiet person" or "I don't have anything to say".

This is usually what I do.

 

[Renee1]

I effing hate it when people say this to me because if one is quiet than it's either because they are uncomfortable (so why make them more uncomfortable?) or because one has no interest in engaging with the people around them (that's me, right there). Respect my boundaries or feel my wrath.

 

[Katrina]

Yeah, I think this question is at best misguided and at worst rude. If nothing else, if somebody is quiet because they're shy, putting them on the spot is just going to make them feel more shy/awkward.

I think I'd just ask a question back. "Why am I so quiet?" or "How do you mean?". Maybe that way they'll explain themselves more, and I can work out if they're being annoying/rude or if it's a genuine burning question or if they are actually trying to be nice.

I like this idea. Turn it around and make it about them. Like I could ask "why would you like to know?" or "huh. you're a curious one, aren't you?"

oh! or, "hmm, I really enjoy the way that you're putting me on the spot with that question."

 

[Amy SF]

"Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others." ~Buddha.

I need to listen to that one more.

I like this.

 

[Katrina]

just 5 minutes ago some random guy in his truck yelled at me to smile as I was crossing the street. I wasn't even in a bad mood or anything! Why do people do that? I don't understand what's wrong with them.

 

[Amy SF]

just 5 minutes ago some random guy in his truck yelled at me to smile as I was crossing the street. I wasn't even in a bad mood or anything! Why do people do that? I don't understand what's wrong with them.

They're idiots.

 

[kazyeeqen]

just 5 minutes ago some random guy in his truck yelled at me to smile as I was crossing the street. I wasn't even in a bad mood or anything! Why do people do that? I don't understand what's wrong with them.

I bet it wasn't about you smiling or not. It's hard to know how to approach a lady when you're yelling out of your truck at them. I'm sure he was just reaching for topics of conversation.